I appreciate that I posted a long while back in the summer and many, many women seek help on here for what must sound like terribly similar problems so I'm not sure if anyone remembers. Also, due to some potentially identity revealing posts I'm unable to link the support thread that kicked things off on here. In a nutshell I had been in only one relationship since my early teens and failed to realise it was both emotionally and sexually abusive.
However, good news. Myself and my daughter left him! It certainly wasn't instant and we had a disturbing period of living together as a semi separated couple. I also relapsed very recently on the alcohol front but I'm back firmly on the wagon.
We are living far away from him now and for the first time since I was 16 I'm a single woman. Terrifying and exhilarating in equal measure!
Thank you to the many posters who helped me to recognise that my situation was far from normal and gently directed me to seek appropriate real life help.