Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

he has betrayed me once again

66 replies

ScaredAndBetrayed · 16/02/2007 10:07

I don't know where to start really. Me and DH have been together for 10 years and things have been pretty up and down but then I suppose everyones relationship is. A few years ago he raped me which resulted in a pregnancy. I have never trusted him ever since. We have plodded on, things getting worse I suppose if I am being honest. I have underlying abuse issues which concern my grandfather which I don't really want to go into but I am sure you get the idea. Anyway, last night, I woke up to find him on top of me, pushing my face into my pillow telling me to be quiet, not make a sound and be a good girl (just like HE did). I was petrified and I eventually managed to fight him off and he disappeared into the bathroom for a while I cried myself to sleep. I woke up this morning to find him asleep on the bedroom floor. I pretended to be asleep til he got up, then went downstairs while he was getting showered, dressed etc. He didn't say a word to me, just scowled at me. He has gone out now. Before he left, he just said 'maybe we should sleep seaprately from now on' and tried to touch my arm to which I flinched. He said he was sorry and he was an arsehole and that he slept on the floor so I would feel safe! then left. I don't know what time he will be back. I just don't get him. I'm not in love with him but I've got nobody else. Nowhere else.

OP posts:
SSShakeTheChi · 16/02/2007 10:08

does he know about your grandfather?

beansprout · 16/02/2007 10:09
Hmm
NotQuiteCockney · 16/02/2007 10:09

You can't live this way. Yes, everyone's relationship is up and down, but most men don't rape their partners, ever. The one good thiing is, it sounds like your DH has some regret for what he's doing - any chance he could get some counselling?

(I do think you should just leave, but it doesn't sound like you want to?)

Budababe · 16/02/2007 10:11

Sleeping seperately sounds like a good idea. Seperate houses would be best. He has raped you once. He tried again.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE WITH THIS SORRY EXCUSE FOR A MAN JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOBODY ELSE.

And I do not apologise for shouting.

NurseyJo · 16/02/2007 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
ScaredAndBetrayed · 16/02/2007 10:13

i don't know if hes done it before. yes he knows about my grandfather which makes it worse. I have tried plucking up the courage to ring places etc but I can't. I don't want my children to end up in a grotty hostel.

OP posts:
NurseyJo · 16/02/2007 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
ScaredAndBetrayed · 16/02/2007 10:15

nobody close enough i can trust

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 16/02/2007 10:15

You could charge him with rape. He has tried to rape you. There is probably some physical evidence on you, from the struggle?

If you charge him with rape, I'd like to hope you could kick him out of the family home? I know next to nothing about this sort of thing, but bet other MNers do know.

(I do think your kids would be better off living in a grotty hostel, than living in a nice house with a mother who is at risk of being raped when she goes to sleep ...)

SSShakeTheChi · 16/02/2007 10:16

ok, I know this is easier said and done but I really think if he knows about your grandfather and then did this that for your sake and your dc's sake, you do need to leave this man.

I know it seems like an insurmountable difficulty to do that and to make sure that your dc still have a nice life. I'm afraid I don't know what options there are for you, but I am sure other people here do.

And we're all here to listen too.

NurseyJo · 16/02/2007 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NotQuiteCockney · 16/02/2007 10:22

I worry about him doing anything to SaB's kids, tbh, even more than I worry about strangers.

prettymum · 16/02/2007 10:23

you have to think about you an dyour children, do you want to live in fear of your own husband for the rest of your life? what kind of life would that be?

Cowardice · 16/02/2007 10:23

Please, please leave. I know that's far easier said than done, but please, just reading your post has made me cry.

I was abused as a child, by my father.

Original poster
ScaredAndBetrayed · 16/02/2007 10:23

i have never left him alone with the children purely because of what happened to me when i was younger.

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 16/02/2007 10:24

If you really don't trust your DH, then how do you protect them when you're asleep, and they're asleep?

NurseyJo · 16/02/2007 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SSShakeTheChi · 16/02/2007 10:29

I agree. S & B is scared but she doesn't know where to turn and what will happen if she does go somewhere. Let's see if we can get some addresses and phone numbers that are relevant.

Original poster
ScaredAndBetrayed · 16/02/2007 10:30

he has just gone out. hes got the week of cos its half term. i barely sleep. I am too scared to sleep. when i do sleep i have nightmares about the past. i have been to couselling, therapys etc and nothing has worked.

OP posts:
Cowardice · 16/02/2007 10:31

Ok. Wherabouts are you? You don't have to say a village, just a general area will do.

You need to get out of there.

NurseyJo · 16/02/2007 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

prettymum · 16/02/2007 10:33

you shouldnt be feeling like this in your own home, in your own bed, about your husband, excatly why you should leave him, where abouts do you live if you dont mind me asking?

Original poster
ScaredAndBetrayed · 16/02/2007 10:33

i darent say. i dont think theres many other MNers in this area so i am scared my identity will become not so annonymous

OP posts:
Kelly1978 · 16/02/2007 10:34

Contact woman's aid \link[http://www.womensaid.org.uk\here}

Even if you don't want to leave, they can offer you advice and emotional support. They are very discreet and won't call you without prior arrangement, etc. so that your dh doesn't find out you've called them. Please give them a try.

SSShakeTheChi · 16/02/2007 10:34

would you feel comfortable catting someone so they could look up a place for you without writing it up here?

Swipe left for the next trending thread