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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

he has betrayed me once again

66 replies

ScaredAndBetrayed · 16/02/2007 10:07

I don't know where to start really. Me and DH have been together for 10 years and things have been pretty up and down but then I suppose everyones relationship is. A few years ago he raped me which resulted in a pregnancy. I have never trusted him ever since. We have plodded on, things getting worse I suppose if I am being honest. I have underlying abuse issues which concern my grandfather which I don't really want to go into but I am sure you get the idea. Anyway, last night, I woke up to find him on top of me, pushing my face into my pillow telling me to be quiet, not make a sound and be a good girl (just like HE did). I was petrified and I eventually managed to fight him off and he disappeared into the bathroom for a while I cried myself to sleep. I woke up this morning to find him asleep on the bedroom floor. I pretended to be asleep til he got up, then went downstairs while he was getting showered, dressed etc. He didn't say a word to me, just scowled at me. He has gone out now. Before he left, he just said 'maybe we should sleep seaprately from now on' and tried to touch my arm to which I flinched. He said he was sorry and he was an arsehole and that he slept on the floor so I would feel safe! then left. I don't know what time he will be back. I just don't get him. I'm not in love with him but I've got nobody else. Nowhere else.

OP posts:
Cowardice · 16/02/2007 10:34

Look, we want to help you. You can ask for your thread to be deleted once we get you some practical help.

Kelly1978 · 16/02/2007 10:34

here

SSShakeTheChi · 16/02/2007 10:35

hatlink

junkinmytrunk · 16/02/2007 10:36

S&B please let people help you, if you have no one close enough in rl, then please take the help of mnetters.

You can't face this alone, we're all worried for you & your children.
If I could I'd be round to comfort you and help in a flash but we're all here for you on mn regardless of where we live.

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 16/02/2007 10:37

I think this goes a lot deeper than a husband who has raped his wife for control. I think your husband?s subsequent actions, sleeping on the floor so you could feel safe, suggesting sleeping separately from now on, and his remorse points to him having some kind of sexual urge that he is trying to keep repressed. I don?t know much about this, but I have read about it, men who feel the urge to gain sexual control of women, and in some cases men who have sexual urges towards children, but who never act on them, and actively take themselves out of situations where they might be ?tempted? because they know what they?re doing is wrong.

What your dh has done is wrong, very wrong, and there is never any excuce for doing what he has done, but I think he knows that. And I think that he actually no longer wants to hurt you which is why he has now suggested sleeping separately.

How was your relationship other than these incidents?

You both need to get some help. You need to speak to someone to help you come to terms with what has happened to you, both as a child, and in your current relationship. Your local rape crisis would be a good place to start.

But your dh needs help too, because if you decide not to press charges against him but do decide to leave, I?m afraid that he will go on to do it again. If he does have some kind of urge that he has repressed, he can actually get help for that, but he will need to speak to someone, a counsellor, to help him to deal with that.

Only you can decide if you want to leave. But if you do, there are people, organizations where you can get help. You don?t have to go through this on your own.

Bensonbluebird · 16/02/2007 10:37

Here is a list of \link{http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/members.html\rape crisis centres. The same site has a list of centres in Scotland. Please contact them, you need to.

SSShakeTheChi · 16/02/2007 10:38

We should have that link as a permanent fixture somewhere on MN. Can you call the free hotline 0800 20000 247 at woman's aid? Then come back and tell us what they advised you and how you feel? You could do it now while he's out of the house.

Bensonbluebird · 16/02/2007 10:38

Try again rape crisis centres

NurseyJo · 16/02/2007 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 16/02/2007 10:40

email me if you feel you can
[email protected]

soph28 · 16/02/2007 10:42

This is awful and it is VERY wrong for your husband to abuse you in this way. I agree with what other people have said but just wanted to ask (and you don't have to answer cos it's very personal)- do you and your dh have an active sex life/do you talk about it? Just because after your experience as a child it wouldn't be surprising if you don't and I was wondering if your dh was frustrated. THIS IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE but it could be another way of looking at it.

Caligula · 16/02/2007 10:45

Please call women's aid.

Do you honestly think that being in a grotty hostel, would be worse for your children, than being brought up in a home where their father is an abuser and their mother is a victim?

I don't know if you have daughters or sons, but if a dd, you're teaching her to be a victim, and if a ds, you're teaching him to be an abuser.

Is that really preferable to a hostel?

ScaredAndBetrayed · 16/02/2007 10:46

we have never had a very active sex life. even before i told him about my past.

OP posts:
ScaredAndBetrayed · 16/02/2007 10:46

i feel like i am as guilty as he is

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 16/02/2007 10:47

Sweetie, no wonder all the counselling etc hasn't helped, if you're living with an abuser, how will counselling help you feel better?

SSShakeTheChi · 16/02/2007 10:48

what do you feel guilty of?

ScaredAndBetrayed · 16/02/2007 10:48

i cant stop crying

OP posts:
ScaredAndBetrayed · 16/02/2007 10:49

for teaching my dd to be a victim or my ds to be an abuser

OP posts:
wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 16/02/2007 10:51

you have nothing to feel guilty for.

please email me

SSShakeTheChi · 16/02/2007 10:52

Your grandfather is guilty of that. How old are your dd and ds?

I don't want to overwhelm you, would you rather just talk for now than to hear advice, you know do this, try that?

Caligula · 16/02/2007 10:53

Please don't feel guilty - pick up the phone and talk to someone who is on your side.

Guilt won't help you or your children. It's not your fault you got abused as a child. It's not your fault that because of that abuse, you got together with an abuser. But you don't have to continue the cycle, you can get help. Women's Aid will talk to you in complete confidence, a sympathetic and sensitive person will chat to you without making you feel guilty - sorry if I have, I'm not a counsellor and don't know how to say these things sensitively.

FioFio · 16/02/2007 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ScaredAndBetrayed · 16/02/2007 10:56

i will ring someone as soon as i can. i have to go. hes just pulled up in the car.

OP posts:
SSShakeTheChi · 16/02/2007 10:57

please do that. Take care now and come back and let us know how you are, ok?

minmooch · 16/02/2007 11:19

Your story has made me cry. I lived with an emotionally bullying husband - not nearly as bad as what you are going through but the closest thing I can relate to. I spent years dreading the key in the lock at night waiting for his emotional abuse. He made my life hell (no sexual abuse) but he made sure that I could not enjoy any part of my life. I felt lonely (my family think of me as the strong one) and guilty. I used to think about stepping in front of a car so that my kids did not think of me as a marriage wrecker, or used to fantasise about him being knocked over by a bus. Finally realised I was the only one who could help myself by standing up and saying I DESERVE MORE THAN THIS AND SO DO MY KIDS. I did not want my boys learning the ways of their father. I have now been divorced for nearly 5 years now and still wake up and think how lucky I am to be able to breath, laugh, love and live again. I am teaching my children about love, respect and friendship, not emotional bullying. Please please get help - there is a good life out there for you and your children and you deserve it.