Girlfriend withholds affection, long, sorry

[Nickname11111]

So, I've only been with my girlfriend for 3 months, I'm 32, she's 41
There's some things on my mind. For example, throughout the day if I go to kiss her, she'll say "oh gross" I've told her I don't like this, she just says I'm playing, I said it's only fun if both parties think so.
She'll spend all day hinting at sex, then towards bedtime start saying things like "oh maybe I won't" "I can tell you want it" etc. Then when bedtime comes she says no im tired. Let's go to sleep.
When in bed she says "what do you want me to do?" I say "do what you want" no she says, you have to tell me or I'm doing nothing. If I do the same back she says "oh I'm bored, goodnight"
I have explained to her that this makes me feel shit but she just tells me to get a grip.
I am starting to feel like this is kind of controlling? Or is it just me?
Just now I said "what's wrong? You're quiet" she said "nothing" I said "ok, hug? " she said "no stop nagging" and looked at me like I was a piece of shit.
Something feels off. If I get upset over anything she tells me I'm being ridiculous and over emotional.

Well done Op. pleased for you.

I feel sad now, it's ridiculous isn't it.

Not at all. Emotions are complicated and messy. You cared about her, still do, it's sad to realise she had no interest in treating you well and that she wasn't ever going to make you happy. But you absolutely did the right thing. Now, when you've healed a bit, you'll be ready and available for when a good perswho knows how to love comes along. Imagine if she came along while you were shackled to a horrible mare who got off on rejecting your love and making you feel unlovable. THAT'S what would make me sad.

Of course you feel sad, you had feelings for her.

But better to be sad and recovering, than sad because you're in a shit relationship with someone who is emotionally manipulative and playing you.

Wallow for the weekend, then dust yourself off and get on with the rest of December. Somewhere out there is a lovely lady who will love you and cuddle you back and make you feel amazing - you just need to meet her.

Has she always only had relationships with women? Just wondering whether she was doing this as a sort of 'attention-seeking' thing and wasn't really into the sex and stuff. I know someone like that and it turned out she just liked the attention of being seen as a 'hot lesbian' but said she wasn't really that into any physical stuff and then promptly dumped her girlfriend for her ex-boyfriend.
She sounds weird anyway. I think you're well shot and I hope you find someone who's a kind and genuine person.

It's natural to feel sad. You"d want to be made of stone not to. But.you're sad because SHE didn't work out. You're still fabulous!

You could be me, OP. I have started seeing a woman, rather recently and she is making me feel extremely insecure about myself, to the point that I am constantly doubting myself. I know this isn't healthy at all, but for some reasons I am hooked ? I don't even think I am in love with her at all (I do care about her though) but I think I've stayed so far because she is technically everything I should want and I have somehow convinced myself that I could (or should) make it work.
Unlike your ex girlfriend though, "mine" isn't nasty, but things are definitely on her terms most of the time and it's a lot about what she wants and when she wants it and not so much about me, which makes me feel a bit like a disposable object tbh.

Anyway, the thread isn't about me or my life but just wanted to tell you that I can sympathize with you and definitely relate to your story.

I personally think you did the right thing breaking up, and while it may hurts a bit now, it's much better than the possible damage this woman could have done to your self-esteem.

A big hug to you OP x

You're well rid of her.

There's a reason her family stopped speaking to her. A good reason.

Well done for getting rid, OP. Now she will be chasing you, but please don't bite. As they often say on mumsnet, after three months, things should never be this difficult. But even if you had been together for ten years and had five children together I would tell you to LTB.

Stay string, don't go back, she's nuts.

Stay strong!!

It's fine to feel sad, it's normal. People get confused when they feel sad after a break up and think it means they should get back together with the person. It just means you have normal human feelings that you need to feel and process.

Even the very best decisions are not made without some regret. So of course you feel sad. In your case, this person was totally wrong for you. From what you've said, my guess? (And just a guess!) is perhaps she actually wants to feel submissive and wants someone more emotionally distant to stimulate that vulnerability. But she's an avoidant herself, so she can't handle reciprocated affection. She will only find it with someone who is 'not that into her' or emotionally wounded, and it will be destructive in the end. That's why I think she may love bomb your rejection.
But if you want a secure mutually loving relationship - you won't get one with her. You would lose. Life is too short - be thankful it was only 3 months - something much better awaits. Good luck x

It's completely normal and natural to feel sad, don't beat yourself up for feeling down. Your ex forced your hand. As harsh as this sounds, surely it's much better to feel sad for a few weeks over a break up than be with her and be sad every single day for goodness knows how long because of the way she treats you.

Blooming hell. Just leave. You should be at it like rabbits at the moment.

Linning, I had just had to search your username to make sure you weren't my gf I worry she would feel like the way you do as I'm the one with dc we have to work around. You're not

Stay strong op, I think the way her family doesn't talk to her speaks volumes. It's ok to feel sad about it.

shes a grade A head melter

😂😂😂

I agree.

I'm still being strong and ignoring all texts sort from the occasional "I'm sorry it won't work, it's not what I want"
I've got a friend round at 7 to distract me.

thisisafakename she's definitely gay and has o it had relationships with women, and she's very into the sex/intimacy side of things as long as she has initiated it. She just doesn't seem to like it if I ask her for affection. Too much hard work, getting pushed away because I want a hug/kiss, nah no thanks

*has always had relationships with women that should read. She's never had any sort of relationship/encounter with a man. I have however.

She sounds very manipulative. It's only been 3 months. I would be walking away before I waste any more of my time. You deserve someone who appreciates you.

It will probably be best to block her number now op, so she doesn't try to guilt trip you. Sounds like a lucky escape to me, someone who loves you shouldn't be making you feel like that.

Zombie

😂😂 god sake this is the second time I've done that today! First time I've just the 'search' and I obviously didn't realise I was still on it and not the usual home page haha, I do apologise!

Used*