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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Girlfriend withholds affection, long, sorry

125 replies

Nickname11111 · 01/12/2016 19:01

So, I've only been with my girlfriend for 3 months, I'm 32, she's 41
There's some things on my mind. For example, throughout the day if I go to kiss her, she'll say "oh gross" I've told her I don't like this, she just says I'm playing, I said it's only fun if both parties think so.
She'll spend all day hinting at sex, then towards bedtime start saying things like "oh maybe I won't" "I can tell you want it" etc. Then when bedtime comes she says no im tired. Let's go to sleep.
When in bed she says "what do you want me to do?" I say "do what you want" no she says, you have to tell me or I'm doing nothing. If I do the same back she says "oh I'm bored, goodnight"
I have explained to her that this makes me feel shit but she just tells me to get a grip.
I am starting to feel like this is kind of controlling? Or is it just me?
Just now I said "what's wrong? You're quiet" she said "nothing" I said "ok, hug? " she said "no stop nagging" and looked at me like I was a piece of shit.
Something feels off. If I get upset over anything she tells me I'm being ridiculous and over emotional.

OP posts:
doji · 01/12/2016 20:11

This is very controlling of her and the start of a slippery slope into a very dysfunctional relationship. Please walk away. speaking from experience, it won't get better, just harder to leave.

crayfish · 01/12/2016 20:14

She sounds horrible, you must have incredibly low self-esteem to think this is the best you can do.

Ditch her, honestly. She doesn't eve sound like she likes you very much and her behaviour is just odd. You deserve better than this head-melter.

OohhThatsMe · 01/12/2016 20:19

Look at the thread, OP. Everyone is saying she's horrible. She seems happiest when you're feeling upset or pissed off or completely in a mind fuck. Who wants that?

Have yourself a very merry Christmas, and get shot of her.

StiffenedPleat · 01/12/2016 20:20

She might be alright after 10,000 hours of therapy.

Until then: no, just no. Please don't do this to yourself.

Chipsandonionrings · 01/12/2016 20:21

In the first 3 months isn't it supposed to be all sex, butterflies and excitement. I am heterosexual but couldn't be doing with this shit.

Bin her off, Xmas is going to be miserable but wouldn't you rather a sense of what could be ( excitement, genuine love etc) more than dread of more of the same. Ltb

ThePinkOcelot · 01/12/2016 20:26

She sounds awful OP. What's to love. Come on, you deserve more than this.

ChocolateForAll · 01/12/2016 20:44

You're worth much more than this. She sounds utterly horrid.

Nickname11111 · 01/12/2016 21:32

We've just had an argument where I've told her it's not me it's you, we are sat here in silence, tomorrow is definitely the day 😥

OP posts:
Joysmum · 01/12/2016 21:37

You've been together 3 months, only 12 weeks and it's this bad already.

However hard it is to call time, imagine this 6 months, a year, or 5 years along. Best do it sooner rather than later.

KitNeutron · 01/12/2016 21:41

She sounds AWFUL. She doesn't leave because she enjoys your affection and loyalty, like you're some sort of lapdog.

You deserve so much more. Cut your losses and move on!

Cuttingthecheese · 01/12/2016 21:43

Ugh, sack her off pronto!

leaveittothediva · 01/12/2016 22:13

Do you really need to ask. If you are getting this reaction after a few months together, whats the bloody point. Leave, she's too much bother.

Holly90 · 02/12/2016 00:03

Narcissistic! RUN! You'll thank us all 6 months down the line. Trust me

Saltfish · 02/12/2016 06:31

I was thinking more bpd holly...

PoldarksBreeches · 02/12/2016 06:43

Why do you keep asking if it's you? She is making you feel bad with her behaviour so how can it possibly be you?
It sounds like you have a very fucked up view of relationships. You've been in this one for 3 months which is a drop in the ocean of your life, she's mean, makes you feel bad yet you think you love her and don't want to end it in case 'it's you'. You need therapy TBH. Your perspective is all kinds of fucked up.

LellyMcKelly · 02/12/2016 06:43

Ugh. Ditch that. Life is waaaaaaay too short.

mrsnoon · 02/12/2016 06:58

LTB. You are worth better than this.
You say you feel unwanted (after 3 months) and she tells you to stop nagging?!? Wtf?

chipmonkey · 02/12/2016 07:06

OP, you so deserve better than this! You sound lovely and caring and she's treating you horribly. It's absolutely not you. Honestly, it's far better to be single and happy than in a relationship with a headwrecker like that.

Shayelle · 02/12/2016 07:17

PLEASE get rid of her sweetie. Theres not one person on here saying you shouldnt let her go. Do the best thing for yourself x

PsychedelicSheep · 02/12/2016 07:46

Saltfish - BPD? Really? On what evidence? Nothing suggests BPD here!

ArgyMargy · 02/12/2016 07:52

Absolutely not BPD. But a cocklodger in the making, I fear (sorry don't know the female equivalent).

PsychedelicSheep · 02/12/2016 08:03

Sorry but I work in this area and have friends with BPD and I get pissed off with all the stigma around it. Someone's acting like a bitch, oh they must have BPD. That's not what it is!

PsychedelicSheep · 02/12/2016 08:07

ArgyMargy - hmm 🤔 TitTenant? BushBoarder?

TheNaze73 · 02/12/2016 08:38

Life's too short. Bin her off. She sounds like hard work.

gamerchick · 02/12/2016 09:10

BushBoarder genuine lol Grin

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