Girlfriend withholds affection, long, sorry

[Nickname11111]

So, I've only been with my girlfriend for 3 months, I'm 32, she's 41
There's some things on my mind. For example, throughout the day if I go to kiss her, she'll say "oh gross" I've told her I don't like this, she just says I'm playing, I said it's only fun if both parties think so.
She'll spend all day hinting at sex, then towards bedtime start saying things like "oh maybe I won't" "I can tell you want it" etc. Then when bedtime comes she says no im tired. Let's go to sleep.
When in bed she says "what do you want me to do?" I say "do what you want" no she says, you have to tell me or I'm doing nothing. If I do the same back she says "oh I'm bored, goodnight"
I have explained to her that this makes me feel shit but she just tells me to get a grip.
I am starting to feel like this is kind of controlling? Or is it just me?
Just now I said "what's wrong? You're quiet" she said "nothing" I said "ok, hug? " she said "no stop nagging" and looked at me like I was a piece of shit.
Something feels off. If I get upset over anything she tells me I'm being ridiculous and over emotional.

She sounds awful op. I can't stand neediness in a partner, you are not being needy you are reacting from her blowing hot and cold and unsure what approach to take. It sounds like a power game from her.

You dumped her yet?

She sounds VERY like my mum, who drove my dad to a suicide attempt.

Get out!!!

She sounds awful and you're well rid (assuming that is today's plan).

BUT (and I mean this kindly although it may sound harsh) - next you need to have a really honest look at your own view of relationships and work out what it is about this that's kept you hanging on.

Oh OP
She sounds fucking horrible.
She is being cruel, gaslighting you, making you doubt yourself and chipping away at your self esteem.
There is nothing wrong with being emotional - the right person for you will encourage that side of you and see it as a positive.
Please please go now before she damages you further.
I hate the pressure people feel to be part of a couple just because it's Christmas

its not needy to want affection and attention in your romantic relationship, especially in the beginning. Thats normal. If you dont feel loved or wanted, what is the point?

From your posts it quite clearly sounds like she's in no place to have a happy romantic relationship, and you should end it.
But look, even if we pretend we're in an alternate reality where you are the one causing all the problems with your emotions and need for human affection the right decision would still be to end it.
Neither of you are happy or getting what you need from this relationship. If you're really concerned there's something abnormal about your feelings then seeking out a counselor to discuss them might help & be reassuring. But you can do that after breaking up. Asking for a sanity check was a good move, & I hope you'll feel better when you're not second guessing yourself all the time.

It's not you. She sounds like a PITA and rather immature.

If it's this crap at just 3 months, it's not worth staying in the relationship any longer.

I've finished I think! I took the cowards way out and did it by text, but I did it. I've got work all day to keep me busy and I'm going to switch off my phone tonight so I won't have to read any texts from her.

I've finished it that should say

Well done, OP. I hope she doesn't try and make things difficult.

How do you feel?

Well I don't feel sad strangely! Although that may kick in later when I finish work. But I won't backtrack now it's done.

I work in a school so the kids will keep me occupied today most definitely!

Ok, well I'm glad you are being realistic about your feelings possibly changing later. Stay strong and keep reminding yourself why you've done it. Don't focus on any of the good times. There will have been some, but clearly in this case, the bad far outweighed the good.

Can you see a friend, or family member tonight?

Only three months in and she's acting like this? She might as well be saying "dump me!" because that's the road she's hurtling down. You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.

Also says "eww gross" when their partner tries to kiss them? That's awful. You don't deserve that Nick .

Yes you're right chuffmuffin
I really wasn't over the top with affection either, say we spent the entire day together I'd go to kiss her say twice in the whole day, which I don't think is too much to be honest.
I think she actually enjoyed making people feel bad!

Well done OP 😊

well done OP x

Well done! Now don't ever accept that behaviour from anyone ever again. The first trait you need to look for in a partner is kindness. At the end of the day, if they don't have that, it doesn't matter how gorgeous or clever or funny they are. You need to be looked after too.

I know, I'll remember that! She had me 2nd guessing myself but I know it's her because I've never had this in past relationships.
She was very good looking and had a good job which she liked reminding me off, but it's personality that makes you beautiful not looks!
She was kind at the very beginning but it's hard to keep the persona up after a while isn't it.
She even mocked me saying "come on, I'm sure there's a nasty streak in you somewhere" when I refused to comment on someone's weight, race, looks etc. No actually, I don't have a nasty streak!

If it's any help 111 - I've had a known some girlfriends who behaved like yours. Although in heterosexual relationships I think the dynamics are similar. They just wanted to push their other half - to see how tough they were, to see if they could affect them emotionally - to see if they would wobble or if they pushed back. In almost all cases there was some history of abuse in their past and sometimes promiscuity.
I think you've done EXACTLY the right thing in ending things - and I think in your circumstances, text is fine!
I really won't be at all surprised if your xgf now tires to love bomb you! Be strong OP! x

She doesn't speak to her family including parents, she won't tell me why just that they stopped speaking to her a couple of years back.

Thanks dadaist

Good riddance. Enjoy your Christmas with people who don't get off on making you feel like shit. Your own company definitely counts.

Her behaviour has nothing to do with you being needy, even if you were, her behaviour is a reflection on how she is as a person, not how you are.

Choose to put yourself first.

She doesn't speak to her family including parents, she won't tell me why just that they stopped speaking to her a couple of years back

Perhaps it's because she's a nasty bitch? Wanting to be affectionate and have your affection reciprocated is perfectly natural. To call it needy is nasty and a way of belittling you.

I've been with DH for over 18 years. Whilst we're not swinging off the chandeliers like we did in the early days, we've never spoken to each other or behaved the way that your ex-GF is treating you. You are well shot of her.