Just discovered DW has been cheating on me

[SleepingTiger]

All I said a few weeks ago was I prefer healthier food to chocolate these days. Of course, DW thinks I am talking out of my American ass.

Go to have one of my Ferrero Rocher's and they have all been eaten and replaced with mini falafels, carefully wrapped back up in the gold foil.

What would you do?

LTB

1

That's brilliant!!

Is it wrong that I now have a bit of a cyber crush on the op AND his dw: )

None of those options are anything as like as clever as what she did. Back to the drawing board is my vote.

3 go big or go home lol

1

3 all the way! :D

What Somer said. You have to up your game

1

Good afternoon all.

There is option No 4 now in play, but I need some notice for this one if voted in.

1. DW gets a call from the wives and gfs in our tight group of friends for an informal supper tomorrow night away. This leaves me on my own. DW leaves but gets cancelled on last minute due to some vomiting thing at hosts and returns home, about 30 minutes round trip. DW walks in and sees me hurredly slamming the back door, having shuffled someone out, looking all flummoxed, two half-drank wine glasses on the table in front of the fire, and yes with a box of Ferraro Rocher half eaten beside them to add the little touch. Of course there isn't anyone and I just start to deny it and try to convince DW I "accidentally poured two glasses for myself and just let the cat out."

Any better?

Or No 5.

DW walks in on me sitting by the fire in a nice gold dress and a wig, indulging in my "new hobby" and having a bit of me time. Dress etc lent to me by one of our friends.

Trouble is how do I then convince her it isn't something I am remotely interested in (and I am not just to be clear)

5
ohpleaseohpleaseohplease

If I get nine more votes for No 5, then I will do it, but need to know by 4:30pm to make arrangements to detour from work to friends to get said dress and wig (and I suppose I have to wear some nylon things 😔)

Bloody hell, you're invested in this. Love it.

I vote no 5.

5!

Has to be 5..... Best one of them all.

where's everyone gone fgs???? Can I vote twice? I soooo want you to do this OP! I loves a good wind up, me.

1

Can anybody think of a way I can combine Options 1-5?

In the manner of John Cleese in that film when he was a teacher. Mind you I am going to have to draw on some inner resources to pull all this off....!

Going to pack up soon to pick up the gold dress on way home tonight.

1 and 5 or 1 to 5? 1 and 5 is easy, you can be eating them dressed in your finery?

If you wish to combine all of them: start with 5 and 1 together. Skip to 3 and 4. Your solicitor friend could be your (cross-dressing) "lover" shooting out of the back door (while eating Ferrero Rochers and leaving behind the letter).
Skip to 3, in the middle of the drama you collapse. DW realises how much she loves you, even if you want to be heinously healthy. You live a long (and semi-healthy) life together.....
the end

It's so elaborate I love it.

I think you need to replace every chocolate in her advent calendar with a single chickpea.