Fey Child

[HoneyBeeMum1]

I feel I am in a difficult situation and would be grateful for the advice of the Mumsnet community.

My husband and I have been living in a remote and beautiful part of the Scottish Highlands having relocated from London a few years ago. We have five children, including a boy at university in England and four girls.

My husband is the love of my life and he loves me as deeply as I love him. Our children are healthy, happy and beautiful. We are fairly insular and - until recently - did not have much social interaction outside the immediate family. We have much to be thankful for and not a day goes by that I do not appreciate our good fortune.

So far, so good.

Unfortunately, there is a potential flaw in our blissful existence and I am in a complete quandary trying to decide how best to act.

My eldest daughter - who I will refer to as 'Emily' started at secondary school this academic year. Due to our remote location and the considerable distance to school, she boards from Monday to Friday and returns home for weekends.

Fortunately, she made a friend - who I will call Sarah - who lives only a few miles from us. We have become close friends with Sarah's parents and we share travel arrangements for the girls as well as regularly socialising with them.

Everything seemed to be working so well. However, I have started to have some concerns about Sarah. She is something of a 'fey child', given to flights of fancy and strange moods. I have noticed on occasions when she has been staying at our home that she has moments when she appears vacant and I suspect she might be experiencing petit-mal seizures. I have mentioned my concerns to her mother who insists that she is fine and puts her strange behaviour down to being an only child.

Unfortunately, Sarah's strange behaviour has been noticed by the other children at school and this has led to her being shunned. They accuse her of being a witch and some even claim to be afraid of her. Sarah is also prone to tantrums for which she has been punished by her teachers.

Emily is fiercely protective of her friend which makes me enormously proud. However, I fear she will be tainted by association and that this will affect her relationships with her teachers and other pupils.

Am I being selfish and unreasonable to feel that I would prefer Emily to make other friends and distance herself from Sarah? I realise that to do so will also jeopardise the newly forged friendship between our families which I would deeply regret losing.

Your advice and opinions would be of great assistance.

Thank you.

Crikey, I am getting really sick of mumsnet posters pouncing on people because they use a weird turn of phrase or they don't express themselves in a conventional way.

Yes, the OP's post is a bit strange (and may not be genuine) but if it is, and the OP genuinely wants advice, what's so difficult about just giving your opinion, rather than dissecting her language and humiliating her?

You posters are coming across as a bunch of nasty boarding school bullies.

Why don't YOU give the OP some genuine advice Wellthatsit?

The question is 'people think my daughter's friend is a witch, I think she's a weirdo too, should my daughter drop her like a hot brick?'

Let's have it, then.

It's a weird OP but the OP has been around for a long time and has always had a flowery writing style.

Okay, if this is real... it's very difficult to make friends at high school age so I'm not sure how easy it would be for your D to simply join a new friend group, and perhaps suggesting that would cause some angst between the two of you. I think you maybe have to just let her chose her own path on this one.
And definitely be proud of her for defending her friend. That's a great character trait.

Can't offer much in the way of advice op. I had a friend like this when I was secondary school age. We were very, very close. We did everything together, inseparable! She was a very lovely girl and a good friend, but could have been viewed as a little "excentric". She was in to gothic/Edwardian style and fashion...nowadays she would be classic Steampunk. I was a goth, so didn't bother me. It was all harmless enough, we drifted apart as we moved away for uni, work and adult life. It was only a few years later that my mum confessed that our parents all thought we were lovers! They talked about us a lot, even had "crisis meetings" and felt we were too close, I had no bloody idea!

If your daughter is safe and happy, and the friendship is two-way then I wouldn't be concerned. The whole witch talk is a bit off. I'd be more concerned about the types of people saying that, not your daughters friend.

Have you talked to Sarah's parents? If you are close then maybe they are open to a discussion. They might be worried their daughter is being bullied and might need someone to talk to too.

Strip away the story and the unprofessional seizure diagnosis and we have:

DD started a new school
She made friends with a girl who is nice but a bit odd
The other children bully the friend
Should I encourage DD to make friends with someone else, so she doesn't get bullied too?

No.

It does remind me of a book, but in remote parts of Scotland it is not that unusual for children to board at state school after primary as the round trip would take hours, and there is just not enough density of population for public transport and/or taxis to be workable. So that bit is believable. I have a friend whose DC will board at high school because the nearest high school would involve a daily boat trip each way.

Placemarking.

Hasn't Stornoway got an airport?

Witches aren't real and the children who are shunning her for this notion are bullies.
Your dd sounds like she has sense.

Yes Op, you are being badly unreasonable and unkind by encouraging your dd to betray a good friend who you suspect has disabilities. At the same time, your dd needs to understand how to get along with the girls who aren't keen on her friend and shouldn't be limiting her own opportunities continually. I praise her kindness but insist that she did activities just for her as well.

I would

Ok then, my advice is let Emily be friends with whoever she chooses, do not interfere and more importantly do contact the school regarding the bullying as that needs to stop.

I remember your posting style, was it you who had a bread about something inappropriate your husband was doing, possibly with a friend of yours/his?

I remember then everyone telling you to broaden your social horizons and not live in such a family bubble, it seems this has not gone so well for you so far!

I think if your daughter likes this girl then it's up to her, she doesn't sound like a bad kid anyway, maybe slightly on the eccentric side but tbh you all sound eccentric and there's nothing wrong with that!

Lots of children living in remote parts of Scotland weekly board at state secondary schools because the journeys are so long.

Still think it sounds like a novel, but rather a good one! I'd have loved to read it.

Assuming this is real, imagine the impact on Sarah and her family, if Emily took your preferred route and threw her friendship under the bus to fit in with the mob mentality.
Emily's friendship will mean a great deal to Sarah, and the withdrawal of it for the sake of fitting in would be cruel.

A lesson learned about MN op.

We've all done it! Or maybe that's just me and you...

Iiwy I'd get the thread deleted bcs there is too much personal info in your op. (press ' report' and ask MNHQ to get it deleted bcs too identifying for your dd)

Great post from wicca btw.

A Witch ? loll Sorry, that did make me laugh , its so old .

I feel sorry for Sarah personally and wouldn't be discouraging Emily from hanging around with her . . Sounds like Sarah could do with a good decent friend .

Tell us more about how many kids you have, how beautiful they are and how deeply you and your husband love each other.

Then we'll be able to judge about the witchy child.

I'm getting shades of money Python here, 'shes a witch' and the villagers all gathered round, that or it's a bit Tiffany Aching!

FFS. A witch. A fey child?

OP, I'm from the Highlands and have lived in remote parts of Scotland. This is bullshit. stop making shit up and get a life.

In fact, munch on this

if you can boil the kettle on the fire of course

It post is real ,contact the school to explain abstinence seizures ask them to get medical intervention for a proper diagnosis.
If unreal ,change of plot before you contact publisher.

It post is real ,contact the school to explain abstinence seizures ask them to get medical intervention for a proper diagnosis.

That's a fantastic rogue autocorrect. I wonder what an abstinence seizure looks like.