Fey Child

[HoneyBeeMum1]

I feel I am in a difficult situation and would be grateful for the advice of the Mumsnet community.

My husband and I have been living in a remote and beautiful part of the Scottish Highlands having relocated from London a few years ago. We have five children, including a boy at university in England and four girls.

My husband is the love of my life and he loves me as deeply as I love him. Our children are healthy, happy and beautiful. We are fairly insular and - until recently - did not have much social interaction outside the immediate family. We have much to be thankful for and not a day goes by that I do not appreciate our good fortune.

So far, so good.

Unfortunately, there is a potential flaw in our blissful existence and I am in a complete quandary trying to decide how best to act.

My eldest daughter - who I will refer to as 'Emily' started at secondary school this academic year. Due to our remote location and the considerable distance to school, she boards from Monday to Friday and returns home for weekends.

Fortunately, she made a friend - who I will call Sarah - who lives only a few miles from us. We have become close friends with Sarah's parents and we share travel arrangements for the girls as well as regularly socialising with them.

Everything seemed to be working so well. However, I have started to have some concerns about Sarah. She is something of a 'fey child', given to flights of fancy and strange moods. I have noticed on occasions when she has been staying at our home that she has moments when she appears vacant and I suspect she might be experiencing petit-mal seizures. I have mentioned my concerns to her mother who insists that she is fine and puts her strange behaviour down to being an only child.

Unfortunately, Sarah's strange behaviour has been noticed by the other children at school and this has led to her being shunned. They accuse her of being a witch and some even claim to be afraid of her. Sarah is also prone to tantrums for which she has been punished by her teachers.

Emily is fiercely protective of her friend which makes me enormously proud. However, I fear she will be tainted by association and that this will affect her relationships with her teachers and other pupils.

Am I being selfish and unreasonable to feel that I would prefer Emily to make other friends and distance herself from Sarah? I realise that to do so will also jeopardise the newly forged friendship between our families which I would deeply regret losing.

Your advice and opinions would be of great assistance.

Thank you.

(that is small epileptic fits for those of you with limited understanding)

Rude OP

Why not encourage her to stay friends with Sarah but to make other friends too?

I hope the childs mother sees this thread, then "problem" solved.

I believe the unfortunate child is suffering petit mal seizures

Well, you have no medical training, so how can you make that assessment? I am not surprised that Sarah's mum was unimpressed when you raised that.

Also, from your other thread about your size 10 figure and perfect hair and makeup, it seems that image means a lot to you. Do not project this and tell your daughter to distance herself from her friend. Let her make her own decisions.

I did think you were regurgitating the plot of a book because you seemed to be on another planet, but having read the thread about Gina, it seems that this is just how you write (very florid and elaborate).

Really rude follow-ups, OP. I think you came hoping everyone would say "Yes, drop the weird girl". The you could have come back and virtue signalled about being the only one of us who isn't disablist. And then encourage Emily to drop Sarah.

As it is, nobody said drop her and people pointed out you were the only one suggesting such a thing.

The potential social and emotional consequences for Emily will be an above average ability to emphasise paired with the guts to stand up to the bullies. The latter will serve her well in her career, since most of us are the target at some point and the former will serve her well all her life.

I know a child with epilepsy. The "spaced out" times are very noticeable and distinctive. I think it's fair enough to suggest this is a possibility without medical training

OP I get what you are asking. You are conflicted because you are proud of your daughter for standing by her friend, but also worried that she might be sacrificing other friendships and having the same stigma attached. Children can be cruel, so I can see that it is difficult, but I do think you should let your daughter make the decision. Also I'd second speaking to the teacher about the suspected seizures, it can't do any harm to just raise that you've noticed it.

As I pointed out in my original post, I believe the unfortunate child is suffering petit mal seizures (that is small epileptic fits for those of you with limited understanding)

Can you please let me know when and where you got your medical qualification?

The child may be having petit male seizures or they may not.

You are in no position to judge.

It's like the wicker man

There's actually a very famous story about the Salem Witch Trials and a girl who was accused of being a witch because she had seizures.

Funny that

Thank you Chardonnay, I think you have summed up my dilemma well in your first two paragraphs.

I do not want my daughter's friendship to end. On the contrary, our relationship with this family has been hugely beneficial to all of us. However, I cannot deny my fears for my daughter.

Despite what many contributors are suggesting, this kind of bullying is not confined to remote areas or previous centuries. Until recently, I lived in London, so I am not detached from the real world.

As for my writing style, it is what it is and I will not apologise, neither will I contrive to change to suit others. I am not overly keen on reading poor grammar, bad spelling, or having to work out what 'fygrk', or 'pfhty' might mean. I would not presume to suggest that contributors who write in this way should change to suit me.

I am grateful to contributors who have offered genuine advice. I will raise my concerns again with Sarah's mother and suggest we speak to the school head together.

Moving both or either girl to another school is not a feasible option, because the school they attend, despite the considerable distance, is the closest to our homes.

Despite what many contributors are suggesting, this kind of bullying is not confined to remote areas or previous centuries.

I would suggest that the use of the word 'witch' contradicts that.

Thanks for the medical info but I think you will find that there is wealth of experience of childhood epilepsy on mumsnet already

I can tell you this. No-one, NO-ONE with personal experience of the condition would put the word 'taint' in the same paragraph as a description of their child.

Your OP is long and wordy and those words are certainly not describing your concern for this girl's possible condition.
You mention it but rather as a way of showing how much more astute you are than the girl's own mother.
The rest is a pretentious description of your charmed life and your anxiety that this weirdo might burst your carefully constructed bubble of loveliness.

Bluegh.

I will raise my concerns again with Sarah's mother and suggest we speak to the school head together.

Why would Sarah's mum want to talk to the head about her child's medical condition with you

To confirm, I am referring to Chardonnay's post at 12.21 in my previous post.

I am astonished that no one has heard of 'witches' referred to this century. I am not a big fan of Harry Potter, but I thought the books and films were quite well known.

Fair enough.

Is your daughter's friend Luna Lovegood?

I don't think I know the OP's daughter, sorry.

...because Piglet, her daughter is my daughter's friend and she is my friend. The decision to agree or not lies with her.

The decision to agree or not lies with her.

Actually they decision lies with her and the head.

I agree with you Lunalovegood. I am intrigued as to why anyone might think you did though.

Thank you Piglet.

I agree with you Lunalovegood. I am intrigued as to why anyone might think you did though. shock

Whoosh

The books and films of Harry Potter are indeed well-known. As works of fiction.

Children are often inspired by fiction when name calling Seeneveryknownhidingplace. Billy Bunter (fat children), gonzo (big nosed children) were some of the favourites from my childhood.

I will raise my concerns again with Sarah's mother and suggest we speak to the school head together.

OP, I think the situation will sort itself out rather nicely as Sarah's mother will be telling her to distance herself from Emily if you keep on this path.

This language reminds me of David Walliams wearing a crinoline. "My name is Emily. I'm a laydeeeee."

Fear not, OP, your fears shall be assuaged by the vast charity you doth bestow on your poor unfortunate friend.

I expect she will be eternally grateful and ever so humble.