Relationship with a man 36 years my senior

[wingedphasmid]

Hi folks. I've lurked on mumsnet for some time and finally joined as I could do with some advice really badly on this!

My relationship with my partner and kids dad has been basically platonic for three years. I'm in my early thirties. For two of these years I have been seeing a man of almost 70. He is also married however is in much the same situation as me. I know it's wrong but we genuinely have fallen in love. The sex and the emotional bond is staggering. This is now however affecting my reputation. It's an open secret locally and this man is wealthy and in a position of power in the community.

We see each other for about four hours every day. Literally every day, and talk more so. I don't know what to do. I can't envision leaving him - I love him too much - but at the same time I'm scared. I know his health will fail at some point and this is the reason we haven't set up a life together. I am starting to feel isolated in this knowledge.

I think so too. If the older man wasn't on the scene, you'd still be unhappy.

You need some space to think clearly.

In order to sort myself out 6 years ago btw, I split with all the men involved and was by myself for 3 years. Was the best time, really did the trick and I've been happier for it.

Perhaps that's what I need to do - split with DH and sort my head by myself for a while.

Including dropping your 70 yr old benefactor.

At the moment taking some time to myself and not seeing any man in the mean while seems the most logical thing to do. It's impossible to think with so much going on.

Do t worry about it now
Why is she dropping out?

So, don't leave? He leaves his wife and you leave your partner. What's the problem?

The problem is it would never be accepted by either of our families or wider community. That and in his retirement he would be essentially taking on two young children. It's logistics.

Why would he want to bother though? He has op at his beck and call.

If your dh doesn't work and you are the breadwinner yet he dictates where you live. You don't share a bed or sleep together. Barely talk and you are having an affair. You would be daft not to split up.

However would he get custody of the kids since you are working odd hours and busy spending four hours a day having amazing sex with your married man?

He doesn't want to upset his older children? Why would his older children not want to see him with the woman he lives?

Have you asked him leave his wife?

The wider community wouldn't approve? They'll get over it.

Your excuses are REALLY weak.

Also the reason for not splitting with his wife. If he is anything like my millionaire, cheating uncle. Who came grovelling when my aunt attempted to divorce him. She was going to get half the business as she was a director and then he'd need to give her a large chunk of money in the divorce and basically she'd be much better off than him after the divorce.

You know exactly what the responses are going to be so why ask op? Unless, of course, you're hoping that the Daily Wail will be in touch very quickly?

If his wife died and he asked you to marry him (enitrly possible) would you?

His poor wife probably doesn't go out socially because she is absolutely mortified to show her face knowing everyone knows about you two having an affair.

That and in his retirement he would be essentially taking on two young children

He isn't their father unless you are planning on cutting their father off from them.

You are making more and more excuses.

It's all academic however as he pp has pointed out he won't leave his wife. It will cost him hugely financially if he did.

Unless she is hoping he will be a widower?

Do your children know?

OP honestly just leave your DH. Sounds like it's run its course and you both BOTH deserve to be happy. Not quite sure what you are getting out of the affair but if you are single at least you have nothing to hide x

Not quite sure what you are getting out of the affair but if you are single at least you have nothing to hide

Apart from the fact he is married.

Whilst yes, sleeping with married people isn't the best decision, it is never an external person's job to keep a marriage together.

That is all on the cheating partner.

He doesn't want to upset his older children? Why would his older children not want to see him with the woman he lives?

Given that he's married to their mother and OP may well be younger than them, I have no difficulty in understanding why they might be upset. And I would seriously question whether he really does love OP.

People are very quick to condemn or for some reason keep mentioning the daily fail. I know what I am doing is wrong. Sometimes you can't help how things work out

Sometimes you can't help how things work out

In this situation you very much can.

People are very quick to condemn or for some reason keep mentioning the daily fail. I know what I am doing is wrong. Sometimes you can't help how things work out

You're in control of your own destiny. You're responsible for your own decisions.

Your thread title makes it seem like the only issue is the age gap. Him being married just appears to be a slight hiccup.

Why isn't the fact that he's married an issue? You say people are quick to judge, but it's kinda hard not to.

His wife doesn't stand a chance against you competition wise, with you being so young. Her husband gets a woman young enough to be his daughter, which must be a massive ego boost for him.

I don't know if you have a mother alive or an Aunt, but how would you feel if your mum or Aunt was the betrayed wife?