Relationship with a man 36 years my senior

[wingedphasmid]

Hi folks. I've lurked on mumsnet for some time and finally joined as I could do with some advice really badly on this!

My relationship with my partner and kids dad has been basically platonic for three years. I'm in my early thirties. For two of these years I have been seeing a man of almost 70. He is also married however is in much the same situation as me. I know it's wrong but we genuinely have fallen in love. The sex and the emotional bond is staggering. This is now however affecting my reputation. It's an open secret locally and this man is wealthy and in a position of power in the community.

We see each other for about four hours every day. Literally every day, and talk more so. I don't know what to do. I can't envision leaving him - I love him too much - but at the same time I'm scared. I know his health will fail at some point and this is the reason we haven't set up a life together. I am starting to feel isolated in this knowledge.

Where does it say the OP is married, or lives with the dad of her kids?

I predict that this thread will go poof soon.

Nothing at all about this post (not the phrasing, the choice of words, the emotions expressed, the issues faced) feels authentic. It reads like a writer researching a book, or worse, a Daily Fail hack looking for a story.

OP, if you really are genuine - you sound like a reasonably educated, intelligent person - what would YOU advise to someone in this situation? Say if your daughter or sister had asked you for your view?

(SlottedSpoon I bet you're right)

Until I saw the age gap I thought this was about Lillian and Justin in The Archers.

Fair enough 5

I'd say it was a heart vs head decision

Heart vs head?
No it isn't.
It's head vs stomach.

As in - your head says stay - you don't give a shit about your marriage, and you're getting attention and help with your career. Oh and these hotel trysts - he pays, right?

Vs stomach - that you do actually know what you're doing is wrong.

Heart - my arse, if I can throw in another body part.

If you love him - and it's not about his money and power (it so is...) then leave your husband and ask him to leave his wife. Who knows you're just the latest in a long line, btw.

Sorry my notifications appear to have missed some of the above. I wouldn't have said it was thathe unusual a situation to be deemed a spoof thread.. I have come genuinely a single advice as I really can't ask anyone close, I suppose because they'd be wholly negative about things. People are however aware of what is going on.

And no, he doesn't ask where I am. For a mixture of reasons. One being I work irregular hours and another being our relationship is purely platonic. With Dh that is

So does DH know about know about this relationship?

He's aware of a friendship between us.

It does read a bit like novel research.

Sure. Uh huh .

I think OrdinaryGirl is right, something doesn't sit right about this post. I'm moving past what I suspect is yet another fake.

Oh dear.

If your relationship with your DH is purely platonic why haven't you told him about the affair?

Your husband is aware of the "friendship"
4 hours daily surely would be a bloody red flag for this "friendship"
Either he's blind or this is fake

This man is "in the same situation as you" ?

No he isn't.

I know his health will fail at some point and this is the reason we haven't set up a life together.

You've fallen in love, you have a staggering emotional bond, you love him too much to envision leaving him - but you don't love him enough to look after him if or when he is ill? As soon as, say, he develops a heart weakness or has a minor stroke, you'll walk away? That might be your definition of love, but it's certainly not mine.

Ugh

Maybe your partner thinks nothing is going on because your OM is so old. I wouldn't worry if my husband had a 70 year old female friend in the least.

His wife probably thinks, "let the old fool do what he wants. At the end of the day he's not leaving me" .... because that would cost him dearly.

The affair has no future and despite the truth, people will think you're a gold digger. Like Anna Nicole Smith. Do you want people telling your kids about it?

On the other hand, if you love each other, then leave your partners and be together. If his health fails, he can afford a carer.

In all this, think how it would be for your kids though .... mum's boyfriend is old enough to be their grandad or even great grandad.

Think about your children.

I feel bad for your husband and kids, especially if this is open gossip.

I don't think I would have much in common with a 70 year old tbh, the generation gap is just too wide.

Trying to imagine the "staggering" sex.