DRY 16

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If you're quitting alcohol for a brighter sober future come and join us here. A very welcoming bunch supporting each other every step of the way.

Link to Dry 15

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2726334-Dry-15?msgid=65047780#65047780

Happy Soberversary Hurricane and Absolute

Thanks everyone. Very proud of myself.
Just got back from a nice meal at the pub! which was very busy and a lovely atmosphere. As ever, I have no desire to drink and haven't done for a long time.

Treated myself before Christmas to a Thomas Sabo bracelet with a Guardian Angel charm and an Amethyst one. Amethyst is my birthstone but I also read that it is the sobriety crystal. Anyhow, it's gorgeous.

Really nice to read the good wishes for Absolute and I.

It's cheerio from me for now as I'm having a break from social media. I'll maybe see you all again sometime in the future. Any tips I've offered, you'll find a few pages back.
I've no doubt the thread will be inundated next week, which is great.

All the luck in the world to all of you ...and Misscookie enjoy your anniversary on 1st Jan. You're awesome. We all are

hurricane&absolute - so very well done...

A smaller milestone for me today - one calendar month sober, and Christmas under my belt...

Had a chat with mum over my time home, a kind of prolonged exchange... But got to where I am in terms of the booze - she was worried anyway - seems we don't hide our drinking as well as we think we do!! She said she was proud, it was really nice... she gave up smoking after 40 years so kinda has some empathy...

Just new year and skiing holiday to tackle next... one day at a time!!

Onwards x

Congrats to everyone with an anniversary - 1 calendar month and 1 year!

well done - that's great work

New to this. I can't quite put my finger on why I'm hear, but I've found myself reading a lot recently about giving up alcohol so I guess on some level I know that my life would be better without it. I'm not sure it's possible though. How the hell do I start? I've been reading some threads and looking at some of the websites an earlier poster suggested but just feeling I need to stop drinking doesn't feel like enough. I've thought this before and never stuck to it. And these days, it's not even an extreme situation, I rarely get drunk, I just feel alcohol has some kind of hold over me, and if I could be brave enough to live without it, life would be better.

But a bit of me feels it wouldn't be better at all, and I'd be missing out on so much fun and adventure.

I guess the fact that thinking about giving up is a big deal means there must be some kind of problem in the first place?!

Anyone else been in a similar place?

doh. 'Here' not 'hear'

wemay I get where you are coming from. I highly recommend Jason vales book "kick the drink easily" which works well to give you a different perspective on alcohol. It's a shame that drinking is so entrenched in our leisure time and that it's become so very normalised. If you are here then I think you probably must want to try going dry. It certainly won't hurt to give it a shot and see how it goes :-) the people on here have been so supportive I'm sure someone will come song with some proper advice!

Thanks captain I'll have a look at that definitely. Technically I am on day 2 :) though I'm not sure if I'm ready to give it a go properly yet. I mean, if I was on my own or in a non-drinking culture, I totally would, but I'm about to head back into the midst of the family Christmas/NY booze extravaganza and it might not be the best time to start with all this. It's funny, this morning booze seems so far away that I can't imagine it ever having any kind of hold on me. Anyway, as you say, it can't hurt to give it a shot. Thanks for responding

I was hoping to get some advice from anyone who can offer experience...after having suspicions for a few months, I finally discovered that a family member has been drinking heavily.
Checking over a period of around a week, it appears to be around a litre of vodka a day. They have still been functioning whilst drinking this amount...do you think this means they have been drinking this amount for a long time?
I want to help and I just don't know what to do.

Hi wemay, I didn't think I had a problem for about 18years, but looking back now I def did....the rarely getting drunk, is that because you drink very little or because you have built up a tolerance to it?

Stopping drinking is easy, I know of plenty of people who stop daily - staying stopped is the problem.

I believe that if you say each morn that you aren't going to drink, just firtoday the. You'll find it easy to stay stopped. I wish you all the best.

problem I've given up dozens of times - sometimes days, sometimes weeks. Then I'd listen to the voice in my head that told me I could have just one and be fine. It took a long time to sink in that I can't put the bottle down until it's empty. And it took a long time to reconcile myself to the fact that giving up would mean losing my emotional safety net. Good luck with giving up.

Banana yup that's a long term problem. And I'd be willing to to bet that you've not uncovered the full extent of it. People get good at hiding the evidence and at creating secret stashes for tricky situations. I expect many of us could teach squirrels to hide nuts.

User have you been to that wedding yet?

Morning all,

wemay I read on here somewhere, that you have a problem with alcohol if you feel you have a problem with alcohol.... and that's different for us all.... so if you feel it's a problem for you, then maybe it is.... I work with a load of people who regularly drink to oblivion, but for them it's not a problem, so they don't stop, or want to stop.... Not sure if I am making sense, sorry

As for missing fun and adventure - I am slowly realising how much fun and adventure I was missing by being comatose on my sofa, and that's a choice.... It's different, drunk fun and adventure vs sober fun and adventure... But for me, currently, there's more scope for fun and adventure sober...

Grounds works have been laid for my ski trip..... The chief instigator of the drinking now knows about my no booze situation, and why... the rest of the group are being told i'm on medication - actually not too fussed about this wee white lie - I don't really know the others, and it's none of their business.... the people I know and what to spend time with know the real reason....

Looking forward to some slope side hot chocolate in place of the gluwein - previously hot chocolate would have been off my radar due to it's high calorific value - all those alcohol calories apparently counting for nothing!! Enjoying a lot of treats currently AND loosing weight - another positive to hold tight to!!

KOKO.... (I like that one!)

Honestly at that level I would suspect they would need medical support to stop drinking Banana and they will only give up when they are ready themselves, no one else can do it for them. Have you tried al anon?

Will reply more later when I get a chance but indeed KOKO. What a beautiful morning to be hangover free for

Wemay its a problem if you think it's a problem. And tbh people who don't have a problem with alcohol just don't even think about alcohol unless its someone asking them if they'd like a drink. And then it's only to decide yes or no. And then they don't think about it anymore

And if you feel like this then why not just try sobriety for a period of time? Try 100 days sober or Dry Jan and then see how you feel? We can help, if you want us to. There are also other forms of support online and in real life. Some people here go to AA, some to other support groups, some go to nothing, Some use other online support groups such as Soberistas or Club Soda or Belle or Sober Sassy Life as well. There is no one and only route to sobriety, all are great and you just need to find what works for you. Hope this helps :)

Hello again all. Thanks v much for your replies. for some reason the page wasn't refreshing properly before so I've only just seen them.

That's a really good point about those who don't have a problem with alcohol never thinking about it. I definitely think about it. I guess I have a fairly high tolerance. Some days I drink, some days I don't. And I regularly just have just one drink and turn down another while my DH keeps on drinking, or don't drink at all while he is drinking. I drank really heavily in my 20s, from uni onwards really. I got into some stupid situations because of me but it 'helped' with social awkwardness and just to shut down the emotional noise. It still does 'help' with that I guess. I also drink because when I don't I find it really hard to stop. Take last night, I was on my own in the house, packing things up before a move and I just kept going and going until the early hours, then got up early the next day and carried on. No booze but no breakfast or lunch or breaks either.

Drinking stopped at 29 when I got pregnant, but I still had some big nights out in the early years with the DC. I always wake up feeling guilty and down, not generally because I've done anything to be ashamed of, just because I feel bad about the drinking itself I guess.

I haven't been out of control drunk for really long time. But I always know where the booze bottle is and whether or not I'm likely to drink of an evening. I know who is driving and who isn't and therefore whether I'll be able to have a drink. I guess, somehow, it's just occupying too much headspace. And I don't have any to spare as it is. Sorry for the long ramble, it's good to have somewhere to talk about this actually. I've never had this conversation with anyone.

BG I like the sound of your sober ski trip :)

sobersarah thanks also for the website recommendations. I think if I"m going to do this, I'll definitely need that kind of help

Thank you for your replies. It's still sinking in I think....we've talked again today and she's admitted to a lot but I think she's downplaying it, we know the amount is much more than she's admitting to.
She won't agree to seek medical help but said she will cut down daily as we know it could be dangerous to stop suddenly. She said she would also start by drinking wine instead of vodka...I'm not sure if that is going to work but at least she's talking about it now.

Hi wemay - I can very much relate to what you wrote - I felt that drinking was taking up too much headspace - even though no-one but me thought it was problematic.

I've not drunk for 7 months, and feel much better for it - I'm enjoying having the headspace to worry about other things. Its been a strange mixture of really difficult and terribly easy!

wemay and anyone else reading,
honestly all you say is so familiar :) one thing I have realised in my long journey to get to where I am in sobriety is that "normal" drinkers don't even think about how much drink is in the house, how much there is to share around, how much people get until it all runs out .

Apart from something like an event like a wedding where it's required to work it all out to cater for a few drinks for each guest. It just doesn't even cross their mind. If there is none, it's " oh well and let's have a cup of tea"

Only people "like us" even notice or calculate or worry. And if we stop drinking, we stop worrying and obsessing. Honestly, we do, eventually😀 For some it happens within a few days for others it takes longer but it does happen 😀 Honestly it does, and the lack of that mental non stop chatter is SO restful and frees up SO MUCH mental capacity to deal calmly with other stuff

If you go back a few pages I posted a long post with actual links to the websites I talk about.

clockworkbanana having been in a similar situation to the person you are trying to help, I will give you a bit of advice - stop trying to help them.

I know this sounds harsh but you may as well beat your head off the door of the house, the reason being this person doesn't want to, or isn't willing to stop yet reducing intake or switching to wine will not help, it's an alcoholics trick to appease people - your family member had been hiding drink before - why would they stop now?

My suggestion is to stop enabling them - stop making life easy for them when in the grip of smaddiction - no lifts, no taking dinners, no clearing up - take a read on "enabling an alcoholic" Al anon may be able to give you more advice.

Thankyou user, I will have a look and also contact AA.

I agree with user sadly and even if they do have the intention of cutting down, most of us have told ourselves that lie. Oh I'll switch to red rather than white, switch to beer rather than spirits, it means I'll drink less. It doesn't work.

Day 5 here and feeling really good. I'd forgotten how freeing it is to wake up without a hangover, no headspace given to the should I/shouldn't I battle, no piecing the previous night together or waking up feeling guilty and anxious. It's wonderful.

I broke it to dp I would not be drinking on the night out we have planned in January. I could tell she was a bit pissed about it and went very quiet. I don't know why, she isn't a huge drinker herself. Not ready to let her in on the real reason why just yet so I'm thinking of explaining it's because of anxiety attacks which is actually kind of true. I have been suffering a bit from them the last few months and drinking makes them far far worse.

Hi all! I agree with user with the stop enabling.

Vidorra nice to see you again. Out of interest why aren't you ready to let your partner in on your real reasons for stopping? That doesn't sound like it is going to be easy for you in the long run if you are hiding your reasons from someone so close to you.

It is day 2 again for me, I have dabbled quite a bit over the "holidays" and generally disliked the whole experience but I have proved to myself that unlike some of the posters on here who seem to have been able to successfully moderate, I am not one of them. Also equally importantly my husband is starting to feel the same. My husband drank differently to me anyone and wasn't so much every day but I think I cottoned on quite a few weeks ago that I wasn't going to be able to moderate, I have read a lot of blogs, books, websites etc to now realize that a lot of people can't moderate but he wasn't quite there with me, therefore we had Christmas "off"

Anyway I decided yesterday not to wait until the New Year and not to come into January 1 feeling like crap so yesterday was day 1 and it was fairly shocking. Just after 10 days of drinking my sleep is messed up a bit, I am again bloated and on the loo all night when stopped, I am eating crap again and have put on at least 3 of the lbs I lost before Christmas, I look tired.

NONE OF IT WAS WORTH IT! It really wasn't.....the times I did drink, I felt very out of it after a couple of drinks so then had AF drinks to try and remain in control and not show myself up. My tummy has been upset the next day, I have had heart palpitations again, the right hand side of my abdomen has been sort of achy and I have been aware of it (hard to explain). I have woken up at stupid o'clock in the morning feeling cross, anxious, annoyed with myself and working out if I should drink that evening or should I go dry that day or wait until New Year etc etc blah blah blah.

So yesterday I said that's it, stop the chatter and just go without again. I much preferred life without. Thankfully husband right on the case with me and we are in it together which really helps on this tough journey we face.

I just have to keep up the mantra that tomorrow is just another day and once through that I think I will sail into a calm, restful, slim, well rested, healthy 2017 with all of you lovely people.

Let's do this!!!