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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I ask him out?

159 replies

SomeoneShakeMe · 21/11/2016 14:53

I really, really like a guy. We've known each other about a year now, both were in other relationships to begin with so initially nothing more than friends. Both now single.
We work together, see a fair bit of each other out of work & text lots too.
He's a good friend, we mess about & have such a laugh. There's definite flirting too, but I keep doubting myself and convincing myself I'm reading too much into it.
My last LTR was EA and has left me with little self confidence and although I have improved a lot I still find it difficult to actually believe it when someone shows an interest. I'm driving myself a bit insane with the does he/doesn't he like me thing!

A little while ago he tried to steer the conversation that way but like a fool I just laughed it off, mainly as it was a bit out of the blue but mostly because I thought he was joking around until I thought about it later Blush needless to say he's not broached the subject since.

Now I don't know what to do! I can't casually ask him for drinks or a meal etc as we already do this. HELP!

OP posts:
Dozer · 24/11/2016 19:30

Yes, working day is over, no excuse not to!

GinIsIn · 24/11/2016 19:38

Have you asked him yet?!

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/11/2016 20:17
LindyHemming · 24/11/2016 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SomeoneShakeMe · 24/11/2016 22:28

He's coming out for a drink with me instead of the hussy other perfectly nice girl.

GrinGrinGrin

Nothing more to report I'm afraid, but it's a start.

Grin
OP posts:
Lelloteddy · 24/11/2016 22:30

Wooooopwoooooop!

GinIsIn · 24/11/2016 22:40

YAAAAAAY! Your next mission is to get both of you tipsy and pounce on him! Grin

QueenOfTheNaps · 24/11/2016 22:45

Wahoooo! This is going to be better than Eastenders!
When's the date? What are you going to wear?

Dozer · 24/11/2016 22:50
Grin
Dozer · 24/11/2016 22:54

Well done for getting up the nerve!

Happybunny19 · 24/11/2016 22:56
Grin
SomeoneShakeMe · 24/11/2016 23:25

Yikes I haven't even thought about what I'll wear! Its tomorrow night so I'll have to rummage around my wardrobe in the morning!

He doesn't take much to get tipsy so that part is easy. The pouncing bit might take a bit more nerve...

OP posts:
SomeoneShakeMe · 24/11/2016 23:26

And thanks for the pep talk everyone - I needed it.

OP posts:
ilovelamp82 · 24/11/2016 23:34

Good luck! I'm excited for you

Cricrichan · 24/11/2016 23:44

Yeih - have fun and keep us posted :)

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/11/2016 23:46

You had so better update.

GinIsIn · 25/11/2016 03:58

Faint heart never won fair MrHotGuyAtWork..... You can do it!

myfriendnigel · 25/11/2016 05:24

Get in OP!

Over excited for an Internet stranger< Grin

Anniegetyourgun · 25/11/2016 05:56

Whatever happens or doesn't happen tonight, be sure to give him at least a hint of your true feelings. Don't want him to feel he missed out on a potentially hot date because of a friend who is very nice and all that but it isn't going anywhere. Otherwise you'll be fighting off Ms Nice Girl every week and eventually losing...

DadWasHere · 25/11/2016 06:28

My daughters boyfriend of three years got asked out for a whole year by a girl, to various events. No doubt, in her mind, she was doing everything but sending up signal flares for him. Nothing ever happened of course. So what did my daughter do differently? She went in for the kiss rather than waiting for him to do it, and she did it sober so there was no confusion if it was the wine doing the thinking.

Dozer · 25/11/2016 07:13

That story reflects v badly you your DD's boyfriend IMO!

SomeoneShakeMe · 25/11/2016 09:03

Yes, I realised last night that I'm going to have to forget being subtle, otherwise this will just happen again.

OP posts:
DadWasHere · 25/11/2016 12:03

That story reflects v badly you your DD's boyfriend IMO!

Why is that then?

From what the OP talks about, he seems to genuinely like her as a person. That is great, I think it implies a level of basic respect, but that does not say anything about finding her desirable or, even if he does, whether he wants... or would act... to fundamentally alter their existing relationship dynamic.

One of the saddest things I ever heard was a woman on the radio, talking about a phone conversation she had with a man she had been close friends with for many years. He had phoned her one day to tell her he loved her, that he regretted not acting on what he felt, instead just being comfortable with the close friendship they shared. She felt the same way about him, as it turned out, but neither of them wanted to risk rocking their comfortable friendship boat. While intimacy was a possibility, it was never reached for, by either of them, for fear of breaking what they had already.

He had phoned her from one of the twin towers on 9/11.

Shayelle · 25/11/2016 12:48

Thats fab op have loadsa fun!! Grin

KickAssAngel · 25/11/2016 15:19

We need details!

How did you ask? What did he say?

What kind of drinks are you going for? Local pub or fancy champagne bar?

If you're hoping to kiss do NOT wear hot red lipstick. In fact, if he like you, then just being you is good enough, so don't overthink what to wear.

IS he the kind of guy that would like some simple honesty? e.g. I'm so glad you could come out for drinks. I was just working out the nerve to ask you but then hussy other woman asked you and I was quite upset.

Tell me more, tell me more ...