What shall I do ?

[Loveheart82]

My boyfriend of 2yrs left me yesterday. I have a 5yr old who he is Very close to.
He has a temper and gets angry but he's been working on it
Yesterday I found out something he liked about - very trivial - but I pulled him up on it and he started. Pulled my chair I was sitting on and told me to F off in front of my lo so I grabbed my lo and left to go to my friends to diffuse the situation as in the past they've lasted so long
I was gone a couple of hrs and he left me voicemails saying get home or if I don't he's calling the police to say I've stolen his car and he sounded so angry on the phone so I stayed at my friends a bit later
Then he said he was out of here and left?! Packed up all his things and haven't spoken to him as I'm so upset
He's made no effort today
Everything is always my fault never his
I love him but I'm finding it hard believing how someone is supposed to love me but leave me so easily
Just don't know what to do
Feel really down and first time posting on here hoping to get some advice x

The solicitors are aware we are waiting for the mortgage offer so that could be this week or next so do have time. The offer may not come through yet then at least I can't get the blame for that, so I'm not cancelling anything yet. Not because I want to go ahead with the house I just don't want to give him ammunition for being the reason why we didn't get the house when it is HIM

Don't delay on informing the solicitor of your reluctance to go ahead with the house purchase, or you will be drawn even further into an enmeshed future with this violent abusive man.
So though he may well blame you for spoiling his house purchase plans, what does it matter, as you will never see him again. He will have no control over you once you split up, your child is not his, you don't own property jointly.

Speak to Womens Aid ASAP for sensible advice, and be careful not to get pregnant.

So we've had contact tonight
He is saying I also went mad at him
But I have to constantly remind him of why I stick up for myself and say that he is the one who ends up crossing the line! He can't understand that it's normal for people to disagree etc it's how you then deal with it after
He is saying if I can drive away with lo like that then I'm still In the wrong?!
I can't believe after all this I'm the one left feeling like I'm in the wrong
We are meeting Wednesday to swap the cars over til I sort a new one and sorting money out so least that's something
I did say do you want to talk just even if it's to put aside our differences and move on but he just said no
He's sticking to the fact I ' blew up' when I keep going over and over but I don't feel I did ?! If I have an opinion and try to get it across, I'm blowing up or being just as bad as him?
He's holding against me that I ' took his family off the what's app group' I didn't I just deleted my account as I couldn't bear him changing his profile pic from us to something else
Which low and behold he changed when I reactivated my account!! Told him I didn't delete the group which I didn't I didn't even think about that
But he won't have it - when I said about him leaving me how could he
He then said I'm better off without him then? So no defence
I just messaged back saying I can't really say anymore and that I'll leave him alone now
I said can we have 5 min chat
After everything just a chat to sort the stuff we need to and I got NO
Upset for bring the one to chase again
But I just can't help it
So today will just not contact him anymore
And see how the chat goes tomorrow

So he still doesn't accept any blame or responsibility - it's all your fault - you really are better off without him

I can't understand why you are arguing with this man over whatsapp groups ..he's deflecting. Turning the tables on you when he was in the wrong. Trying to find something, anything that you did wrong to give him a reason to blame you so he doesn't have to take responsibility for his shitty behaviour.
Stop. Just don't engage when he does that. You know what he did.

You don't have to negotiate a separation with him - he doesn't have to agree or even understand. Guilt about leaving was one of the main things that kept me stuck in my abusive marriage; the other thing was that he didn't agree that I had a valid reason to leave, therefore I felt I was being very unreasonable. It seems strange now. This is why you need professional help and support from objective people who you trust, otherwise you risk being suckered back in. You really really deserve a much better life than you're getting with this man and so does your little one. It's not your life's work to fix him and throw away your health and happiness. Please please walk away.

This is what've I've woken to
So 2 days and he's a little bit sorry
I just can't get over him leaving....

Loveheart if he knows you use mumsnet, report your own post and have them delete that screenshot. You don't want him knowing who you are or what you're discussing on here.

My username is a reference to my having to be strictly anonymous on here because of ex.

That's very manipulative. You must be worn out with it all.

Too little, too late

None of this is anything close to the sort of relationship you'd want your daughter to be in, is it?

He will not take any responsibility for himself.

Why do you accept such poor treatment?

I can delete it? But to be fair it only shows his name ?
Also I created this login after he left me and he wouldn't know I use it?

So I'm not wrong thinking even this text isn't right???

Just feel this is the nicest text he's sent since we left
But the issue is whatever's happened he left

It's a shitty manipulative text, OP. He's trying to negotiate his way back in by making you dependent on him, grateful to him, and of course sorry for the worry you put him through and the emotions you caused him to have.

Can you not see that?

I'm so sorry you've got this crap going on. It's grim, I know

Like I said, Jekyll and Hyde. The other one is popping out now.

Up to you, love. I wouldn't fancy it for my daughter to be around myself. He's a head wrecker.

If he wouldn't know you might be on mumsnet it's probably OK I'm just thinking it will be very identifiable to him if he is looking for you. I agree with pp it is manipulative.

Well I guess he will only see others opinions
But he wouldn't know I dont think
But will take it off
Thanks guys
Have told him I'm just going to leave him and we can sort finances in time and he's text saying don't be silly but I have to be strong and not message him

He'll start the Hoovering now. Just watch.

Read this:
outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/2015/11/4/hoovering

OP you have been given a clear warning from him about what he's like.

Like Maya Angelou says “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”

He blames you. He doesn't apologise. He emotionally manipulates you 'my girls'? He is physically and emotionally abusive to you. You have a child. Your child should be protected, your child should not be taught 'this is ok'. It is not ok for your child, it is not ok for you.

When you have a house together, maybe another child, maybe you will marry - he will destroy you. He will chip away at you, and when you hve no self-esteem or pride left it will be so very much harder to leave. Oh, and he will saddle you with his debts. As well as the ones in your name that you've taken out for him.

You say you love him. Love, on it's own, is not enough. Never, ever wi it be enough. And he doesn't love you. I love my kids, I don't push them around. I love my OH, I don't push him around, verbally abuse him. My XH didn't love me. He did all those things.

This is your chance to make a break for freedom. Take it.

I think what OFFFS has said is brilliant and quite moving. I hope you're doing OK OP x

Please value yourself. This is not a real relationship. It's rubbish. Must have been terrifying for your child .

You may not realise it but you are lucky - he's taken himself out of your life. Make sure he keeps out.

You say everything is gone from your flat. Report this cruel theft to the police asap.