What shall I do ?

[Loveheart82]

My boyfriend of 2yrs left me yesterday. I have a 5yr old who he is Very close to.
He has a temper and gets angry but he's been working on it
Yesterday I found out something he liked about - very trivial - but I pulled him up on it and he started. Pulled my chair I was sitting on and told me to F off in front of my lo so I grabbed my lo and left to go to my friends to diffuse the situation as in the past they've lasted so long
I was gone a couple of hrs and he left me voicemails saying get home or if I don't he's calling the police to say I've stolen his car and he sounded so angry on the phone so I stayed at my friends a bit later
Then he said he was out of here and left?! Packed up all his things and haven't spoken to him as I'm so upset
He's made no effort today
Everything is always my fault never his
I love him but I'm finding it hard believing how someone is supposed to love me but leave me so easily
Just don't know what to do
Feel really down and first time posting on here hoping to get some advice x

The number again is 0808 2000 247.

Thank you
I shall call them tomorrow when my lo is at school
What do I say ???

I lost a house when I split from my los father
So did my boy with his wife
We were both married previously
Both lost things so thought it was great when we first met, like we've been given a second chance....or so I did anyway
I know my boyf has insecurities about still living at home 41yr old next month and not being able to provide
Well then don't treat me like shit?!
That was his excuse last time he lost his temper

Say what you've said here. They will understand what you are experiencing and will be able to confirm that you are being abused and are at risk of harm - because you probably feel very confused at the moment with him making out it is like this even though it feels very much like that. They will give you details of local support and services. I did the Freedom Programme and really recommend it. You can do it online as well but going to a group is really valuable.

Ok thanks
I'll give them a call
He's just messaged a voice note
Suspect it's for my lo but not going to open it
Also he said about swapping cars Friday ?? As he has an automatic and a manual and I have the manual
As I have a sore shoulder
He said we can swap cars for that reason.....not sure what to say - don't want to get into text war so shall I say I will try get a car before then and just give him the car back ? Also he needs to get his stuff so thought maybe one text to say get his things and we can sort phone car etc

Do you know what time they are open to as I might give them a call once my lo is in bed rather than wait for tomorrow as my friend is over tomorrow so i know I won't call them

Might just accept swapping cars
Least til I've sorted one for myself

At this stage in the relationship it should be honeymoon phase but he's already assaulted you.

He will never be different until he accepts his behaviour and that's not looking likely.I know it's heartbreaking to feel you have to walk away but you are saving yourself so much heartache further discussion in the line.

I look back and realise there were 2 occasions when I should have left my partner (as was) before we had dc.Now 11 years later I am doing it.It wasn't even as bad as what you have endured.

It would have been so much easier then but I rationalised, assumed I didn't deserve better, maybe I should have different expectations..Its only get worse, never better.

Imagine being trapped feeling you have let your daughter down.Decide you deserve better, there are better men out there

I do feel I should have left him a couple of other times but I've always thought it would get better

I just know that I've tried - really really tried even though friends and family have said the same that he won't change

He went to anger management and I have seen a big difference but he just seems stressed all the time

And to walk out like he did is just letting the person you love down

He owes you a lot of money doesn't he? You need legal advice sharpish.

Well yeah but when we spilt up before He said he would always pay and I know he will.
He owes me £4K which is in his savings account as we have just brought a house as we had it in the deposit account and he has £5,500 on a credit card and he hasn't missed a months payment for the last year
He always said he wouldn't leave me in debt but to be honest if he does he does

Have you already bought the house or how far along is the process?

Please walk away from the house if you can.... and if it's too late, offer to keep it in lieu of what he owes you and get a boarder to help cover the mortgage. And go buy a car on credit if you have to, don't fixate on the house at all at this stage.

I walked away from over £15000 in a house, after my ex bf began abusing me and threatening to leave, very similar to your bf. My life is so much more peaceful and hopeful.

Best wishes.

It's a new build so we've paid the reservation fee and application fee
(£499 and £99) the house isn't ready until next spring as it's not even built but they get you to do the mortgage application now - we have the mortgage in principle so just waiting on the mortgage offer so yes can walk away from that easily
We are supposed to be exchanging as soon we get the offer
Solicitors are in place but we've not paid their fee yet
My mum is saying the same
If he's doing this now when we live together it will be worse

Your mum is right. Don't sell yourself so short you can meet someone else. If you want to.

His behaviour is unacceptable so many red flags. I know it's hard then your dp is close to your child but try and put her first and get shot of this man. He isn't doing either of you any good. Be strong

If a man can push a women over into a gravel floor....I guess that's my motivation not to go back

I've read through the posts and just one question
Where someone says stop trying to help this man ? Where can he go to get help? Surely if he does love me then he would be wanting to get some help?
I get that at the money he doesn't see he is in the wrong - he never does - but how will he ever know? He's just going to hurt the next person ?
The police told me to press charges but I didn't want to because we wanted to reconcile and he was going to anger management so pressing charges wouldn't help him or me
I'm just wandering why I haven't chosen to give up on him yet

I think you think this is an issue that can be fixed.

This is his PERSONALITY. It may be a Jekyll and Hyde personality, but it's his real one.

It's not your problem really, he needs to come to the conclusion that he needs help on his own

So when he tries swapping cars with me Friday
What do I say to him? That its over because he walked out ? And that's it ?

My mum said the same about his personality
I can put up with the slight bad temper and huffing and puffing but not when he crosses the line
It is getting uncomfortable and feel like I'm constantly battling with him
Ok so yes I've realised I do need to stay away
He's making it easy as he hasn't really contacted Me today
Just to say about swapping cars Friday which is rather strange
I just feel I've only ever done this once before - by day 2 he was round here hugging me kissing me and very very sorry so he's going to have a big shock IF he thinks I'm going to take hi m back

It's not your job to fix him. He's a 40 year old man. If he doesn't know you can't go round verbally abusing people or pushing them into gravel then he's too far gone.
I learned those basic things before I was 6. I'm sorry but you're wasting your time. Is this the message you want to send your daughter?

No it isn't...
I just want to be happy and set good examples for my daughter
I've completely wasted 2yrs of my life and let my little one get close to someone who's just hurt us in the end

I feel used like he has given me the hopes for a future and taken it all Away again
Things have been great and him going to anger management and dealing with his temper he can be so lovely
Just feel like what a let down

I'm sorry but you can't make him change, no matter how hard you try. It isn't your fault, any of it, nor is it your responsibility to help him.

He is unpredictably violent and abusive. Please listen to what everyone on this thread is saying.

Please contact your solicitors privately without him knowing, and explain the situation to them. Ask them to hang fire on the house purchase for now (while you consider what you are going to do) and tell them why.