He only loves one child and not the other

[messydesk]

I've been seeing a guy for about 5 months and when we met, he told me he had 2 children, I have none but it's not a problem for me. I know he spends a lot of time with the older child, who is 5 but he never mentioned the younger child, it was almost like they didn't exist!

It seems like we may be making some headway into a serious relationship as I met the older child in an informal setting, at my dp's request and we had a nice time at a soft play place so I suggested maybe next time he should bring them both.

He told me that he doesn't have anything to do with the younger child as the mother had that child to try and make him stay with her. These two children have the same mother!

I'm looking at him in a totally different light and this is making me seriously rethink our relationship as I don't understand how he can cut off the younger child for something that isn't their fault. I'm disappointed in him but don't know if I should make it my business. What are you guys thoughts?

adiposegirl it takes a man and a woman (in the normal run of things) to get a woman pregnant! Stop giving the guy a getout for failing to act on a situation he already thought was probably going to happen ie she wanted to get pregnant. After that he should have took steps to prevent it if he still wanted sex with her.

But adi, it's pretty hard for women to do that without a man having sex with her, with no condom, and ejaculating inside of her.

And given that, according to him, their relationship was over and he "knew" she was going to do that , he could have taken responsibility, not had sex, or used a condom.

But it's easier to just blame the women. Men are, as usual, entitled to consequence-free unprotected sex.

adiposegirl, either way he he has choices on how to respond. His response is the major red flag. An adult with empathy and compassion would not do this to their OWN child. It's horrendous and he can't be naive to not know the impact.

He must have massive anger, hold resentment, accept cruelty to children, be the type of individual who can't find love for his own child.

Op, don't rationalise this - you will be on the receiving end of his beliefs systems one day. He is showing what kind of person he is, listen and run.

He is very shallow - I do not think he is the sort of person you should spend your life with. You deserve better - and so does his child. I think it would be good to back out now before you are too entwined and it becomes more difficult to part. I am sure that you must feel very disappointed in him.

What an absolutely disgusting, pathetic excuse of a man. Pretty horrified his family have stood by that decision too

Run away. You deserve better and WILL find better. Thank god he's shown his true colours so soon; many people don't get a lucky escape like you! Grab it with both hands OP

Wow! He is not someone you should continue a relationship with. He's a bastard.

Don't be that woman who tries to fix him/the situation. Run and don't look back, it is totally abnormal and cruel to reject your baby like that, I would find him repulsive after that

I'm going to break it off with him. I can't pretend to know what the mother feels like but I'm pretty sure if I had children, I couldn't have that kind of separation between them.

Just make sure you tell him why. It will maybe make him think. That poor child. I dread to think of the self-esteem issues they will have as they grow up.

Good for you op, he sounds like a first class asshat.

If he didn't want a child he should have kept it in his pants (oversimplification I know), especially if he suspected his ex would deliberately try to conceive.

I could not be with anyone who treated a child like that either.

Sorry OP - it is always such a shock to find out people are not what we thought. I am glad you can cut your losses now. That poor little child.