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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He only loves one child and not the other

86 replies

messydesk · 20/11/2016 16:11

I've been seeing a guy for about 5 months and when we met, he told me he had 2 children, I have none but it's not a problem for me. I know he spends a lot of time with the older child, who is 5 but he never mentioned the younger child, it was almost like they didn't exist!

It seems like we may be making some headway into a serious relationship as I met the older child in an informal setting, at my dp's request and we had a nice time at a soft play place so I suggested maybe next time he should bring them both.

He told me that he doesn't have anything to do with the younger child as the mother had that child to try and make him stay with her. These two children have the same mother!

I'm looking at him in a totally different light and this is making me seriously rethink our relationship as I don't understand how he can cut off the younger child for something that isn't their fault. I'm disappointed in him but don't know if I should make it my business. What are you guys thoughts?

OP posts:

thatdearoctopus · 20/11/2016 16:52

I can't see any possible explanation for this that doesn't paint him as a heartless bastard, sorry.

Ditch.

Ilovenannyplum · 20/11/2016 16:55

This is awful OP - I can just echo what everyone else has said, run away and don't look back

JJbum · 20/11/2016 16:57

He is a complete shit and probably a liar as well.

I am friendly with a woman who is the mother in this situation. The dad wants nothing to do with the younger child and tells people the mum deliberately got pregnant to try to force him to stay with her. In actual fact the pregnancy was an accident, he told her to abort or he'd leave and she chose to keep the baby. He doesn't want to seem like the bad guy who wanted to force an abortion...and seems to think it makes it look like a good guy to admit he's abandoned his child. He honestly doesn't understand why this would be an issue to anyone and why it is a negative thing for his eldest child. Complete bastard. (In this case mum said accept both your children or F off).

Run for the hills and make it clear it's because he's a scumbag.

Ginkypig · 20/11/2016 16:59

What a disgusting human.

If I were in your situation I'd dump him and tell him exactly why and warn him to never contact me ever again

Bin85 · 20/11/2016 17:00

Is there any doubt about who is father of the second child?

Soubriquet · 20/11/2016 17:02

Yep run

What if you end up having a baby who is ignored as he says "you only had it to trap him"?

No. I wouldn't want my child growing up like that

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 20/11/2016 17:07

He is vile OP.
Imagine being that child ...
The poor Mother, having to endure it .
He is punishing her, not the child.
Run for the hills. 😡

Original poster

messydesk · 20/11/2016 17:10

Bin85 they're both his children, I managed to find out that much.

OP posts:

Cricrichan · 20/11/2016 17:12

What an awful man :( I think you should talk to him about his behaviour and see if he can see what a bastard he's being towards an innocent child. His innocent child.

c3pu · 20/11/2016 17:16

I feel sorry for him that he was tricked into having a child he had no intention of having, but there my sympathy ends. It's not the child's fault.

TataEs · 20/11/2016 17:36

leave him and tell him why.
there is no tricking adults into having babies. if you know where babies come from and you absolutely do not want another baby, u either abstain or you take protection into your own hands.
he's vile.
bad fathers are a massive turn off, biologically speaking, as well as socially speaking.

PoldarksBreeches · 20/11/2016 17:39

I'd run a fucking mile. Anyone that selfish and cruel has no place in my life.

zznotxy · 20/11/2016 17:48

Fathers should be prepared to crawl over burning coals for their kids, throw themselves in front of a bus if necessary. I would, your OH won't even recognise his. Run - very fast.

pklme · 20/11/2016 17:52

I'm trying to understand his perspective... Not saying I agree with it. I suppose that he knew the elder child before he left whereas the younger one he did not. Maybe his ex didn't particularly want baby to get to know him, if the end of relationship was rough, and he didn't feel the loss of a child he didn't want and didn't know.

It's not good enough, but it's perhaps not unusual.

alltouchedout · 20/11/2016 17:53

He sounds awful. You know you have to walk away and not look back.

Squirter · 20/11/2016 17:55

I think you should talk to him about his behaviour and see if he can see what a bastard he's being towards an innocent child. His innocent child.

Please op, for the sake of the child.

BitchPeas · 20/11/2016 17:56

I would tell him what I thought of his vile behaviour. Really give it to him both barrels. Then run for the hills!

That's one cold hearted bastard.

Original poster

messydesk · 20/11/2016 17:57

They were still together, albeit the relationship had gone to shit, when she got pregnant. He even said, I knew she would do something like that.

The only way I could stay with him is if I felt like I could try and bring about some kind of relationship with the little one but I think that this is waaaay bigger than me, and I don't think I want that responsibility in such a new relationship. I doubt he would appreciate my interference either.

OP posts:

BingBongBingBong · 20/11/2016 17:58

Run and don't look back OP

Original poster

messydesk · 20/11/2016 18:00

The little one is 2 years old if his and her family and friends haven't been able to make him see the error of his ways, what hope do I have? Even his mum seems accepting of it sadly as he takes the elder child to see her a lot.

OP posts:

buttercup54321 · 20/11/2016 18:02

What a nasty, spiteful man. Dump him XX

Olympiathequeen · 20/11/2016 18:03

'I knew she would do something like that' WTAF! So he had no responsibility for contraception? And if he felt like that why didn't he make doubly sure she couldn't and keep it in his pants? He's sound a real prize!

DrMorbius · 20/11/2016 18:03

They were still together, albeit the relationship had gone to shit, when she got pregnant. He even said, I knew she would do something like that

She would do something like what????? Stick his dick in her.

The guy is a fuckwit. You fast and run far.

DrMorbius · 20/11/2016 18:05

run fast and run far

Pollyanna9 · 20/11/2016 18:06

messydesk it may not have 'sat well' with the mother that he only spends time with one child not the other.

My ExH makes more effort to see DS than he does DD - sadly I can't force him to see her - he's a total cunt (like this bloke is) and the hurt that's caused by this is totally unacceptable and totally devastating to the recipient. I predict in the next year my DD will go NC with her dad as well. At the minute she's still putting her hand in the bear trap - it will snap again and I'm hoping (for her own emotional protection and self esteem) that she'll realise you either cut everything off or you keep getting hurt.

This is not the type of person you want to be with who can be that horrible to his own child.

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