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Original poster

He only loves one child and not the other

86 replies

messydesk · 20/11/2016 16:11

I've been seeing a guy for about 5 months and when we met, he told me he had 2 children, I have none but it's not a problem for me. I know he spends a lot of time with the older child, who is 5 but he never mentioned the younger child, it was almost like they didn't exist!

It seems like we may be making some headway into a serious relationship as I met the older child in an informal setting, at my dp's request and we had a nice time at a soft play place so I suggested maybe next time he should bring them both.

He told me that he doesn't have anything to do with the younger child as the mother had that child to try and make him stay with her. These two children have the same mother!

I'm looking at him in a totally different light and this is making me seriously rethink our relationship as I don't understand how he can cut off the younger child for something that isn't their fault. I'm disappointed in him but don't know if I should make it my business. What are you guys thoughts?

OP posts:
forumdonkey · 20/11/2016 18:06

That poor child.

DearMrDilkington · 20/11/2016 18:07

What an absolute pig-shit disgrace of a man.

Move on before you get more attached.

forumdonkey · 20/11/2016 18:09

And when you finish the relationship, tell him why, the hurtful, abusive wanker

RepentAtLeisure · 20/11/2016 18:09

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Just ugh. What a cunt.

PoldarksBreeches · 20/11/2016 18:11

Stop trying to fix him. He is who he is. Do you really want a partner who needs to be fixed to make him a decent human being in order for you to stay with him? Why don't you look for one who is already decent?

FantasticButtocks · 20/11/2016 18:11

He sounds twisted. He's prepared to neglect his own child to make a point and to put the mother in her place. Nasty. Even if you could you couldn't bring about a change with his relationship with his younger child, the fact that this is his stance makes him a very unpleasant person so not someone to have a relationship with IMO. This would be hanging over your relationship constantly like a big black cloud.

Hermonie2016 · 20/11/2016 18:11

Completely weird, and I think you need to look at the thinking he has (since it's a predictor of future behaviour) to arrive at that decision.

Obviously he had sex with the woman so he s not taking responsibility for his actions (red flag).He has blamed the woman (red flag).He has been so resentful and unforgiving that he is causing pain & hurt to 2 young

BratFarrarsPony · 20/11/2016 18:12

....and not only is it horrible and abusive to his second child and to his ex, but also, eventually, to the older child as well....

Anyone who could behave like this, and then say it out barefaced to his new GF, as though it was OK and normal, is such a cunt that I wouldn't even want him breathing the air near me.

RepentAtLeisure · 20/11/2016 18:12

Actually - if you dump him (and you don't sound like a lunatic so I expect you will) please do tell him how distasteful it is to ignore a younger child because his/her DM didn't stop him getting pregnant at the end of their relationship. It might give him pause for thought. But probably not, because he's a cunt.

Jinglebellsandv0dka · 20/11/2016 18:12

That's bloody awful.

Bin him off.

QuiteLikely5 · 20/11/2016 18:16

The only explanation is that he did not want the second child and said as much and she got pregnant anyway (maybe on purpose) and he was so angry he walked away - his right if he wasn't happy

But

Why oh why would you take it out on the child. Not the child's fault at all. This will have dreadful emotional repercussions for the said child and if I was that mother I would refuse access to both children. He is obviously still trying to hurt her.

EweAreHere · 20/11/2016 18:18

Your goal was to turn a not-decent human being into a decent one?

Doesn't work like that.

Run. Away.

He is despicable.

AyeAmarok · 20/11/2016 18:21

Wow. What a cunt! Angry

I think you should end it, obviously, but you should be really clear about why, in the hope that he comes to realise that he's a bastard of the highest order and starts to make amends with the innocent child (that HE created by having unprotected sex with someone he apparently no longer loved).

user1471950254 · 20/11/2016 18:22

That's horrendous!

RepentAtLeisure · 20/11/2016 18:29

The only explanation is that he did not want the second child and said as much and she got pregnant anyway (maybe on purpose) and he was so angry he walked away - his right if he wasn't happy

The OP quoted him as saying "I knew she would do something like that". Yet he didn't refrain from having sex with her, and he didn't bother to take steps to prevent pregnancy. No. He let her get pregnant, and is throwing a 2+ year strop about it. He's a cunt.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 20/11/2016 18:29

If he can do that to his own child just think what he could do to you.

I wonder what his ex's version of events are? I'm guessing very different to his.

PoldarksBreeches · 20/11/2016 18:34

Women don't 'get pregnant on purpose' - not without a degree of complicity from the man. If you don't trust your partner and you think she wants to get pregnant and you don't - don't spunk in her vagina.

Pollyanna9 · 20/11/2016 18:45

It's really riling me that the kids mum is being blamed for 'getting pregnant on purpose'! FFS! Seriously?

If he thought in advance she would like to be pregnant by him because it would give her leverage with him, why didn't he use a sodding condom or refuse to have sex with her at all!

Christopher Columbus. Even if she got him blind drunk and got him to have a roll in the sack with her all the the evil plan of having another child is irrelevant anyway. She did get pregnant. It's his. It's therefore his child. Therefore he needs to crack on and be a father to that child. End of.

GeorgeTheThird · 20/11/2016 18:46

You're right, there are no extenuating circumstances that can possibly make this ok. Don't even ask. He has shown you who he is.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 20/11/2016 18:48

Couldn't agree more with everyone else. Get well rid.

SandyY2K · 20/11/2016 18:52

And would anyone wonder why the younger child will grow up with 'daddy issue's'.

It's disgusting behaviour and considering he had a feeling she'd do this, why didn't he take precautions.

I couldn't be with him.

adiposegirl · 20/11/2016 19:09

A friend of a friend is in this exact same situation. G17 and B15, the man does not acknowledge the B15- for the exaxt same reason. Its a total head fuck for the boy as the man has a good relationship with the girlConfusedHmm.
He did it out of anger/hate in the beginning ...as time went on, I guess the felt he had to continue in the way he startedAngry

I feel sorry for the child.

Just make sure you dont conceive accidentally on purpose with this man- you know what you'll have to look forward to.

mummyto2monkeys · 20/11/2016 19:10

Wow, another contender for worst Father of the Year! I honestly don't think much of the Mother who is allowing her baby to be discarded like a piece of rubbish!

My cousin was married to a complete asshole like this! They had a four year old son and she was six months pregnant when she discovered he was cheating on her with a sixteen year old who was still at school! He moved in with the girl and her parents and continued to have access to their son.

When her youngest son was born, the Father refused to come to see his son. He told my cousin that he had no bond with their new baby, that he had no interest in ever developing a bond and that as far as he was concerned he was not his Father. He gracefully (w**r) offered to continue seeing his own (older) son! My cousin told him that he was not going to get to do that! He either stepped up and was Father to both of his sons, or he stepped away and had nothing to do with either of him.

The complete and utter asshole chose to have nothing to do with either of them! My cousin is amazing, she had a great job and with family support she brought both boys up on her own.They are now young men.

Please discard this moron, with the same disdain he has discarded an innocent child that he created!

foodiefil · 20/11/2016 19:16

Absolutely appalling. Inhuman

adiposegirl · 20/11/2016 19:17

Some women DO get pregnant on purpose.

Some women do want to have all their children with the same man.

I think some women on here are being naive at best or politically correct at worst about the about the above two statements.