Things have been getting increasingly worse between DH and I. We usually rumble along for a week or two with no issues, but when we spend "quality" time together e.g. dinner together we always end up rowing, usually about my family vs his family.
We had to move back to the Uk quickly at the start of the year so have been temporarily living with my parents (free of charge) whilst we sold our place and bought one here. We are due to exchange on that this week so the end of living with the inlaws is in sight.
Obviously it's not been easy for him living with them (even though my mum does everything for us eg takes baby monitor at weekends and does washing) because nobody wants to live with anyone else's parents. But I feel he's built up an undeserved hatred towards them and keeps trying to punish them for how much time they're spending with DS and DD - because his mum obviously doesn't get the same access.
Anyway today was another row, this time over lunch because he said he didn't want to see my parents for three months after we move in, and that his mum will do the twice weekly childcare for us over that period (that we planned the grandparents to do 50/50). I questioned this - just because I don't think banishing them from seeing the kids for 3 months is totally unfair (and something his mum hasn't had to endure) and he went mad. In front of the kids he called me:
- a pathetic cunt
- an embarrassment
- that I disgust him
- that if he was allowed to hit me, he would
- that I should look at myself to see why we don't have a sex life (ie I'm ugly)
- that DS was only asking him not to shout because I was brain dead and trained him to say it (I haven't, but he has heard me asking DH not to shout in the past).
- that he recently got thrush because I'm such a disgusting tramp (even though I've ever had thrush, ever)
- kept calling me a spinster, when I poinyed out that I wasn't as I was married he said that I fucking well should have been
- put on a moany voice and was saying "I never thought I would have children" (something I said when we first got together)
Meanwhile I didn't cover myself in glory - quite the opposite, albeit some way down the line after his tirade. When the kids were asleep in the back of the car I said I only had sex with him last night because I felt obliged and that I wouldn't go near his stinking cock (it doesn't!) voluntarily, that his mum would see less of the kids if he left me (which he was threatening to do), that I feared I had married the wrong person, corrected him when he referred to his parents - plural (he doesn't see his dad) and that my life in many ways would be easier without him as I wouldn't spend all my time consciously trying to avoid making him angry.
He then tried to go to his mum's for a few days and like a proper psycho I stood in the door on the car and begged him not to.
I know this is fucking awful and no, I don't want my kids seeing it and do all I can to avoid them doing so (including usually ignoring digs to avoid a row) and usually the rows are after bedtime, so they don't
But I guess my question is this: can there be any way back? Or do you think he's verbally or emotionally abusive? Or am I?
FYI. My radar is a bit skewed thanks to being previously (20 yrs ago) in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. Also I suspect my self esteem is shit as I've been bulimic for over a decade (although am trying - with much success - to get over that myself)