WWYD, tell his wife or not?

[wtf2]

So angry and ashamed right now with myself.... this time last year I was single but was having an affair with a married man. He told his wife and said he wanted to make the marriage work. He carried on with me behind her back for another month. Then she found out and we ended. The last 2 months we've been in contact again (I am still single) and we met this week whilst he was in London for work, we spent the night together. It was the same as before. Except I now feel completely repulsed by myself and him. His wife thinks yet again that all is fine. She trusts him. He has yet again cheated on her. It's not my place to tell her is it and he wants to see me again so has clearly not changed. I'm disgusted at myself but really looking for opinions as to whether to tell his wife in light of the other thread about telling the other partner. I know I'd want to know but would be mortified to hear it from the ow

Why do you want her to know?

Tell her! Fuck it what have you got to lose?

You havnt got a marriage ripped apart for the second time due to the both of you, have you?

It's actually perfectly possible that he loves his wife and is happy with her, but is also a twat that will take what opportunities he can.

I'm normally saying tell the wife, but you sound like you would enjoy it. Maybe just piss off and leave them alone.

You're jealous it's plain and simple! I'm sorry but you know that ultimately you are not enough for him to leave his wife. He just doesn't love you or want you enough does he?

Tell his wife, she'll likely kick him out, he'll then profess his love for you (the second choice) and in a couple of years time you'll be the wronged person.

But yes tell her, she deserves to know. Then you'll get him and you are all happy....for a while!

I have been in this position, cheated on wife...and I am angry that those who knew didn't tell me...but but but but...would I have wanted to hear it from OW? Absolutely fucking well not. Indeed OW in my case was so "concerned" a total fucking evil bitch she tried to cover her tracks by offering me a "shoulder to cry on, somebody to shout at"....

The wife in this case knows full well what her DH is capable of and has done..just fuck off and leave it alone!!!

Yes tell her. She is probably driving herself mad trying very hard to trust him again and questioning herself constantly.
Your statement that a happily married man doesn't shag about is nonsense. I hear that some don't (married or not) but it basically comes down to wanting to have sex with more than one person, for varying reasons, they may well be happy in their marriage, they probably DO have sex with wives/partners, they simply don't want to lose their family for the sake of a bunk up. Those that do leave do it because the grass looks greener and invariably end up doing the same again. It also works both ways, women cheat too but it's usually more of an emotional attachment for them or if not they are much better at covering their tracks.
As for you not being as much to blame? You stated that you went into this with your eyes wide open, that you know he's married and you know they were supposed to be trying again yet suddenly have a bought of conscience and feel you should tell her?? You have enabled him and contributed to the falling apart of this woman's family and life as she knows it in a eyes wide open kind of a way! I would do her the favour of supplying proof that cannot be denied by him and then exiting out of her life in every way possible.

You've been a very silly, naive girl. Learn from this and don't ever get with a married man again. Have more respect for yourself. Do you really think that's all you are worth? He only cares about himself and is self-seeking - he doesn't care about deceiving and using people for his own ends. He lacks morals and won't change. If it wasn't you, it would have been someone else. He has probably done it before and he will do it again. You were not special to him - you just fulfilled a need he had.

You will feel better if you completely cut him out of your life, because you will be making the decision to respect yourself. Delete his number/email/all social media, etc. Don't respond to him if he tries to contact you.

Don't contact his wife because you don't know anything about their situation (don't believe what he has told you). Also, the guy is dodgy - I would not risk angering him because it would be a reason for him to try and get in touch with you (and he is going to be pissed off - which isn't a bad thing in itself, but could be a risk to your personal safety). You should not be doing anything that causes him to get in touch.

The ONLY way you will regain any shred of dignity, is to walk away and never look back.

You don't care about her, you want to hurt him by getting at her. It will make you look desperate and it won't make you feel better.

Be realistic, how are you going to tell his wife? It's not like you can just knock at the door and get welcomed in. It also seems a bit odd you were only in bed with him last week but have a sudden desire to 'do the right thing' for his wife. It seems a bit of an ego trip on your part, delete his number/block on social media and move on.

I feel completely repulsed by myself and him.

OP, I think you should deal with the fact that you are continuing in a relationship that repulses you before inviting anyone else into your shitstorm.

I think you should walk away and say nothing . The fact that you are considering telling the wife means (to me ) that you have an ulterior motive in doing so .

What are your reasons for wanting to tell the wife ?

You've done enough damage - walk away and don't tell the wife, your motives sound wrong

It's nothing to do with wanting to hurt him. I've no feelings for him other than indifference now and no wish to be in contact with him. But if my husband was like him, I'd want to know.

wtf2 tell her. Be as damned apologetic as you can be but tell her because she deserves truth.

Leave them the hell alone. Cut contact with him. Find someone single for you.

I think you should tell her. I'd want to know. I also think you should examine why you were 'played' by him. He hardly sounds like a catch and yet you keep going back for more. You should ask yourself why you do that. If it's just about the sex, it's easy enough to find unmarried men for that. If you'd like a relationship, well... he's not exactly the dream, is he? He's cheated 3 times that you know of -I suspect more.

He's never going to leave her for you.

You sound bitter

How about you just butt out of their marriage and leave them to it?
Your excuses for wanting to tell her are a pathetic attempt at disguising your spiteful motives.

Please stop pretending you've had an attack of altruism and leave him and his marriage alone.

Op...Do you want to tell her so she leaves him and then he chooses you?

Having a cheating husband is devedtsting and there's sm element of humiluation when you realise you weren't enough for egatever reason.

It's rvenue more humiliating ehen others know and keep their mouths shut.
Please tell his wife. She needs to know so she can make an informed choice on her life.

The more shit you stir into something, the shittier it gets.

Don't tell her. Leave her alone; leave the whole shitty mess you & this man have made and don't look back.

You slept with him KNOWING that his wife was aware - were you both laughing at her during the week?? Well done you!
I guarantee you are not his only fuck on the side so why don't you take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself why you settle for so little & why you would want to blow someone else's world apart.? As others have said before, you can't believe a word he says - she could be pregnant, have MH issues lots of things.
Find someone for you, not someone who already has a partner & get yourself tested - you don't know where he's been.

She already knows what her husband is like... she has her reasons for forgiveness and staying and you don't know what they are.

Walk away

It wasn't me that cheated on her. Yes I did wrong but his actions were far worse. I posted as I've realised what a hideous position she is in and whether I should tell her

Stop minimising your part in this. You need to look into why you keep allowing yourself to be used as a side piece and nothing more. She's taken him back twice and she will again.

He may love her and just want extra free sex with a willing party ... you or any other woman who doesn't have a problem sleeping with a MM. He comes back to you, because you're willing.

He'll make up a million reasons why he's not leaving her .... but that's not your business.

Are you wanting to tell her so she leaves him? Or to stop yourself being reeled back into the affair?