I am SO inexperienced...

[amammabear]

My husband left me a few months ago. Having been with him four years and years, and having never had any other relationships at all, I am ridiculously inexperienced, so I could do with some advice, even though I know this makes me sound ridiculously childish.

There is a guy, a really great guy, and I've fallen for him. But now I don't know what to do with myself at all. I'm terrified that if I say something to him about my feelings, he'll distance himself from me or pity me, and while we're not close friends, I can't bear the thought of losing his friendship. Yet at the same time, what if by not saying something I'm missing out on what could've been something great?

How should I approach this? Is there any possible way to handle this without messing things up?

Sorry for sounding likea silly teenager, but despite being much older, this is all completely new.

Lol, I might have written that badly... He wasn't saying my suggestion wasn't thrilling, he was saying that he's busy this weekend but not thrilled about it.

If he replied quickly that's good. Say, are you free in the next week to catch up for drinks when you are less busy? Realised I'm going to miss you when you go, so if I can help out with the move, or anything let me know. Or something like that.

If he fixes a time/date straightaway, that's a good thing.

I saw him in person (that's why he texted) about a work thing and I asked about the weekend as above, then I asked if he'd had any lunch yet and he said he hadn't but he needed to get on to his next appointment. I'll be seeing him tonight in the usual social context though, I'll try and get a chance to speak to him on his own, but that's not always possible, otherwise it will be the weekend when I see him next.

Ooh, this is exciting! Keep us posted, bear! Hopefully he'll start to take the hint!

And don't feel less confident because (as you said in a previous post) you're overweight and have health issues. The same is true of me, but I've never been short of boyfriends because I'm quite confident and not afraid to put myself forward. I also think I'm fairly easy to get on with. If you're chatty and good company, you will find that men aren't fussed about whether you're a size 8!

Thank you xxx. I'm still going with terrifying rather than exciting though...

sounds promising to me!

Good luck! Let us know!

Well, none of the conversation today was beyond how we've spoken four years.

I'm just so comfortable with him though. Dammit... Lol

Well that evening didn't go to plan. And if this doesn't out me, nothing will.

We'd been chatting at points, but before I got the chance to speak to him on his own, I got a message from a friend to say that my ex has been posting hideous things on Facebook, I'm so angry for my kids, and upset, and instead of getting to talk to him, spent the rest of the evening crying... In front of him...

Brilliant... Just brilliant...

How did he react to you getting upset? Sympathetic or embarrassed?

Your ex is an arsehole. Can you block him on Facebook so whatever drivel he posts doesn't affect you?

Did he comfort you? Did you make clear you weren't crying because you want X back? Hope you have a better day.

I don't normally see his Facebook posts, but a friend saw it and thought I should know, I'm grateful.

The guy looked a bit shocked if I'm honest so it's hard to tell whether he would've helped me though as another friend was already looking after me. He did keep glancing, but who's to say whether that was concern or nosiness.

I need to contact him back today though because I need to pass on some information from what he spoke to me about yesterday and obviously didn't get the chance last night as I intended. I will probably email rather than text and try to be chatty.

Good plan.

Bloody hell bear - what has the ex been saying? If it constitutes harassment, don't be afraid to talk to the police - I have had a similar problem (not with my ex though) and the police took it very seriously.

In your email, be bright and breezy, and try to make an offhand comment which signals that you're emotionally ready to move on to someone new - but don't dwell on last night and your ex too much, just mention it in passing. If you talk about it too much, IMO you run the risk of sounding like you're not over him.

I decided instead to text and say I was sorry I didn't get a chance last night, that there's too much to text and if he needs it urgently before I'm due to see him, I'm free for a coffee today or I can email it.

Good luck mammabear; I'm sorry your ex is being a git. You deserve to have something nice happen. Just to say that although you like this man very much, don't forget there's a whole world outside of your close circle. There are lots of specialised dating sites for different religions, interests etc which might be worth a look as well.

Thanks magicsocks the thing is, I wasn't looking to date. These feelings have just come at me, so I'm definitely not looking.

No...but if you were . The feelings that you're having could be a natural way of signalling that you're ready to move on and would like some companionship. Not that I'm suggesting you knock it on the head with this man, I hope things work out but it's sometimes best not to put all your eggs in one basket as well.

good idea to text him. Agree there are lots of other dating sites when you're ready to start dating.

Thank you xxx wonder when I'll get a reply...

Have you had a reply yet bear?

No...

Bloomin' men... And haven't seen him to soak to either, saw each other briefly at opposite ends of the room for a moment yesterday and he was looking at me, but knowing my luck, he was thinking "oh no not her again..." Didn't say hi or anything at all. Grrr lol

That's a shame Do you think, perhaps, he's not so keen? I'm sure you know yourself from experience that if you're interested in someone, you don't tend to play hard-to-get.

Actually, I completely assume he's not interested, it's just that tiny "if". Stupid, I know x

Anything yet mammabear?