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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

moody weed smoking partner

20 replies

SuGaRCoAteDPoiSOn · 12/02/2007 20:48

Hiya..

I'm a new poster although I've been lurking for a very long time, just too shy to post til now

my partner of two years is a moody git! he flips on a toincoss.. today he was lovely all day on the phone from work and on msn/emails etc, came home this evening and wanted to borrow some money (£20) cos he spent all his within a week of being paid. I told him it's on my desk and he took all of it!! ok it was only £40 but still.. he thinks it's ok because I have a little bit of savings because of being really tight and careful with money. before he got the money.. he was all sweetness and light, huggy and kissy and nice.. as soon as he got it he got all moody and went out to buy some weed. When he came home he was still moody and when I pointed out that his behaviour changed as soon as he got his hands on my cash he went loopy and now is upstairs in the bedroom sulking!!!

I'm sick and tired of him being like that, cos you never know what you're gonna get, he hates most of my friends so I've lost touch with them all cos he's so rude and grumpy around them.

I know he loves me, and I do love him too, just I don't like him very much a lot of the time. I've asked him to leave many times but he just wont go and I dunno what to do anymore. Once I've asked him to leave he's really nice for a couple of weeks or so before reverting to Mr Moody Grumpy Git

OP posts:

divastropwantstodrop · 12/02/2007 20:53

sounds like he's using you for money and a place to live,that hes an overgrown teenager and needs to go back to his mummy.

what on earth do you see in him???

colditz · 12/02/2007 20:54

Um, well, you could call the police, and tell them your partner is in the same house as your children and under the influence of illegal drugs, and you want him removed.

Tortington · 12/02/2007 20:54

tell us about your housing situation - what do you mean he wont go - have you bought a house together? sell it

have you a tenancy in your name? call the police.

what a waster - you really need to think more of yourself and fuck him right off.

Original poster

SuGaRCoAteDPoiSOn · 12/02/2007 21:00

it's my house, he's been here for two years, but he just wont go.. he's like a dog with a bone!! I've packed his bags and put them out, changed the locks, but somehow he manages to wheedle his way back in every time!

I know I'm too soft.. but I just don't like scenes and confrontations and providing entertainment for the neighbours, although he doesnt care and often slams doors and bangs and throws things to make a point.

It's just that he can be so lovely and then this moody thing appears and ruins it all

OP posts:

colditz · 12/02/2007 21:01

Well, he's eveidently not very lovely is he. If he causes a scene, have him removed again. And again. And AGAIN, until he gets the message.

I'm afraid if you are going to keep letting him in, he isn't going to go, is he? He's found his meal ticket, mate, he's not giving it up without a fight!

SturdyAngel · 12/02/2007 21:07

Give him an ultimatum. Give up the weed or get out.

You will find out what he loves most you or being stoned. If it is the latter then you are better off without him.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/02/2007 21:11

Sugar,

None of what you write shows him in any good light.

This comment of yours is also telling:-
"He hates most of my friends so I've lost touch with them all cos he's so rude and grumpy around them".

He's controlling as well in that he's managed to isolate you from your friends (who doubtless also think you could do far better with regards to a choice of man). This is about power and control and at present he has it all and you have absolutely none.

He does not love you - he likes the control and power he has over you. This is not a healthy relationship for you to be in and ultimately he will drag you down with him. A person who really and truly loved you would not readily treat you like this.

You need to find some inner strength and not let him wheedle his way back into your affections any more otherwise he will keep doing all this to you and worse. Your self esteem must be pretty low anyway to keep putting up with his assorted crap behaviours without throwing him ut for good.

He knows you are way too soft with him, he says jump and you reply how high.

I would also suggest you read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft.

moondog · 12/02/2007 21:13

You know what to do.
Tell him to fuck off.

tribpot · 12/02/2007 21:16

He doesn't somehow wheedle his way back in, you allow it.

He loves you, but he (effectively) steals from you.

He changes his ways when you threaten to kick him out, until he feels secure again and reverts.

This will never change, never, unless you do something to stand up for yourself.

divastropwantstodrop · 12/02/2007 21:17

if he slams doors and throws things then that is intimidation,which is abuse.and you sound like an abused woman when you say 'but he can be so lovely'.even the nastiest drunken wife-beaters can be lovely sometimes.

pirategirl · 12/02/2007 21:23

weed,
as far as I'm concerned, and i'm not against weed at all, have smoked myself in the past, really can spoil and meddle with certain people's brains.
i would in fact put the missuse of weed down to a huge contributary factor in my husband losing it over time, and turning into an asshole, who then turned everyting round on me, became grumpy and moody and finaally left me.
If he cant stop it, u are not going to ever get any reason from him.

its the most selfish making thing. I understand what you say about the love thing, i still dont belive my ex really fel out of love with me, and i think the weed, has taken over your partner.

Unless he gives up, and wants to, you will be fighting alone.

Be strong, and kick him out.

Original poster

SuGaRCoAteDPoiSOn · 12/02/2007 21:26

you're all dead right.. just I didn't see it properly I think

Pirategirl, Im the same, although I've never been a smoker, just never know anyone not to be really laid back on it til this one!

rigt now he's sulking cos he dont like what i made for dinner.. despite offers to give him something else he'd rather starve and have a reason to make an argument!

arrrgghh.. this has to be sorted and soon

Thanks so much all of you

OP posts:

colditz · 12/02/2007 21:29

Don't offer him anything else unless he is physically incapable. Which I doubt.

Read your OP, and blank your eyes from the name at the top, and imagine it is someone else. Now, give them the advice. Then follow it.

divastropwantstodrop · 12/02/2007 21:30

i've never known weed to cause a problem when just smoked socially,but ive seen many decent men turn into selfish,lazy b**ds cos they smoke it all the time.

pirategirl · 12/02/2007 21:40

same here,

thats why am so anti weed, cos of the longterm effects on someone who smoked it all the time.
miserable, boring, moany, lacked any direction, angry, ...

There was one time he managed to only have about 2-3 puffs on a saturday night. This lasted about 5 months, it was like having my husband back.
Then it turned into a vicious circle, stress-weed-stress, new baby, no work-more weed (savings account),stress, and so on.

I can so relate.

Muminfife · 12/02/2007 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bellarosa · 12/02/2007 23:55

Believe me i know what it is to live with a man who has drug misuse issues, and it really isnt worth staying with them. It sounds as though you might be sticking your head in the sand when he is nice and hoping he'll change, but you probably know deep down that he wont.

It's such a hard horrible thing to ask them to leave and stick by it,especially if you love part of them still, but it might be the one thing that makes him sort himself out and be the man you want him to be... and if he doesnt then you can move on...

Original poster

SuGaRCoAteDPoiSOn · 13/02/2007 21:02

Thanks again everyone.. he's got some time off next week so I'm going to make sure we set aside a time to really talk things through and see if we can sort things out or if it really is better to say byebye. I've ordered the lundy bancroft book so I'll have a read of that too.

by the way.. he's 12 years younger than me, so I'm wondering if it's also the age gap starting to show

For anyone who might be in a similar situation have a read here..

www.drjoecarver.com/articles_loser.html

(hope its allowed to post links) I saw so many facets of our relationship that i recognised, it was scary!

OP posts:

wishing1 · 21/02/2007 07:18

are you with my ex husband, sounds exactly like him. moody, pot smoking baby, i finally left him and am super duper happy now, let him bring someone elses mood down, it's contagious, get away from him.

kiskidee · 21/02/2007 08:14

what you have is a teenager, not a man. at his age, he will remain a teenager till he is about say 45 when he will turn into a morose old man.

that is the future if you don't kick him to the curb soon.

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