So DP and I have recently been discussing the possibility of getting married at some point in the future. I've always said I want him to ask my dad before proposing to me. He can't understand why and thinks it should be between us two, not him and my dad first. He has said he will ask my dad but that it feels wrong and feels like it puts pressure on him to do the proposing instead of us having an equal discussion.
I can't explain it to him though, not really. I do actually agree with him that it should be between DP and I but I know my dad would be gutted if he wasn't asked. And I've got it in my head that I'm already ready for marriage whereas he's not quite yet and so I want him to do the proposing so I know he definitely wants it. Does that even make sense though? Also it doesn't sit right with me that my dad needs to give his permission (even though he'd never say no), because it's my relationship and my life. I end up going around in circles in my own head trying to figure it out.
For those who's DP's did ask your father, is that what you wanted and why? Would you have been bothered if he hadn't?
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Relationships
Mn please help me figure this out - DP asking dad before proposing
sadandanxious · 05/11/2016 16:34
My DH asked my DF's "permission" before he proposed to me and without me having had a clue. I think my DF was a bit bewildered at the time as he and DM had only come over from Spain for a week to visit me and it was only the third time they had met DH! We'd only been dating 6 months as well.
What was most weird was that DF didn't breathe a word to DM as he knew she'd be straight on the phone to me!
DH told me he'd already spoken with my dad after he proposed. I did think it was a bit OTT, but he did a beautiful proposal to me and I felt it showed that he'd obviously put a lot of thought into it. DH said he'd asked my DF because it was the respectful thing to do and he needed to reassure my dad that he would look after me and had good intentions.
I do think it made my dad feel part of the wedding, especially as I was going to be living in a different country. My mum needed no encouragement!
Now 15 years later, we have 2 DSs and 2 DDs and DH still maintains that he would expect to be approached by any man wanting to marry either of his daughters. I did tell him it's probably best not to hold his breath on that one 
OP - If your DP feels awkward, you could still make your DF feel special by doing something like asking them over for dinner and making a big thing about wanting them to be the first to know. Also, don't say anything else to your DP about proposing, etc. As you say, it needs to be off his own bat!!
Good luck 
I'd view it as he asking your dad (parents) if they accept him as a son in law rather than he is asking them for the right to have you.
And in that way it is nice they get to say 'yes we want you as a son, we like you/ accept you' the op should ask his family too. If they approve, he can ask her dad. Is that ok with you op?
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