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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Webcams

79 replies

honesthelp · 03/11/2016 12:47

Anyone had any experience of DHs using webcams? I found my DH has spent £100 over 3 weeks. Would this be the end? Feel like shit and I'm no prude.

I actually had to clean the computer of his ....Sad.

In every other respect relationship ok I know he uses porn but wonder whether this is the next step to him being unfaithful - if this isn't infidelity already.

OP posts:
MyWineTime · 04/11/2016 09:44

( I wouldn't sexcam) but it may stop him if he thinks I would.
Please don't do this to yourself. If you don't want to do something, be clear that you won't. If he can't cope with life without webcamming, then it's pretty clear where things stand.

ponyprincess · 05/11/2016 19:04

What AF said

You deserve better do not tolerate this gey rid!!

ddrmum · 05/11/2016 19:23

It's all about him isn't it?? Please don't allow yourself to be manipulated into doing something you don't want to do. He sounds awful and I doubt this will be the last time he behaves in this way & blames you for it. Personally, I'd be packing his bags.

Crazeecurlee · 05/11/2016 22:12

OP, firstly, really sorry that this has happened, it must have made you feel ill to see that.

Paying for a webcam means that they are intimately interacting with another woman, right? Please someone correct me if I am wrong, but when you pay for webcam, doesn't it switch your webcam on and so the performer and the client can see each other as well as hear each other? Is this not cheating?

How would you feel if your OH was in contact with a regular prostitute, but instead of meeting up with them in person was sending them explicit texts, pictures, sexual Skyping, phone sex, but hadn't actually touched each other? Would you think he has been unfaithful then? I would, and what he has done is no different. He's cheated and that would be the end of it for me. Would NOT be waiting around to see if he would cheat further by DTD. Where do you draw the line then?

Porn - being an observer of sexual acts (usually via some form of tech medium e.g tv, pc etc.) As soon as you start interacting with the sex worker sexually it stops being porn and in this case is cheating IMHO.

I would not give it long until he actually DTD in person however having said that I would urge you to focus on what he actually has done; he is taking absolute advantage of your liberalness around porn, has spent quite a lot of family money and was initially ignoring your concerns and feelings.

Also, if he doesn't see that anything is wrong (which was his initial reaction before he went into bunker down mode) he is unlikely to change his behaviour, and what kind of marriage is it to be sitting there checking all accounts? There are loads of ways to get around it anyway.

Also, what AF said. He could have chosen to bring this up with you and work on it with you before interacting with a sex worker. Now you feel you need to compete with these random women online so that your husband doesn't continue to cheat on you. Your DH is doing alright out of this arrangement OP.

Whatever you decide to do good luck and I hope it works out best for you.

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