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Original poster

Webcams

79 replies

honesthelp · 03/11/2016 12:47

Anyone had any experience of DHs using webcams? I found my DH has spent £100 over 3 weeks. Would this be the end? Feel like shit and I'm no prude.

I actually had to clean the computer of his ....Sad.

In every other respect relationship ok I know he uses porn but wonder whether this is the next step to him being unfaithful - if this isn't infidelity already.

OP posts:
HuskyLover1 · 03/11/2016 15:13

Oh NO WAY would I be able to accept this. He is interacting with a real person, which to me, is not the same as watching porn. It a step up. What next? Sexting colleagues? A full blown affair? He's paying another woman to strip and play with herself. Does he do the same? Can she see him (not that she'd want to). You deserve so much more respect. Flowers

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/11/2016 15:21

He is still blaming you and will continue to do so. He is refusing to accept any responsibility for his actions.

Forget about him for the minute, what do YOU want?. Would you like him to leave the marital home to give you some space away from him?

legotits · 03/11/2016 15:51

Bite the bullet, look on Porn hub, see what there is available completely free.

That wasn't enough. He wanted a 'paid for' service.

If you can cope with that, and the fact that he shut you down, and the blame he is heaping on you yada yada....

What do you get out of this?

I'm biased against Web cam sex users, I think this will be one of those things that snowball.

MyWineTime · 03/11/2016 16:37

There is masses of free porn on the internet. That wasn't enough for him, he wanted some personal interaction. That is what he has paid for. He could have watched a video of exactly the same thing, but he paid for that personal interaction. He wanted another woman to do a sexual act for him to watch. That's the same as getting a private lapdance.
For me that is not conducive with a monogamous relationship.

He can complain all he wants about how you are making him feel, but he doesn't seem to care how he has made you feel and the damage that he has done to your relationship.

Original poster
honesthelp · 03/11/2016 16:55

Yes it is the fact that he paid for what is readily available, he wanted a personal service from a woman. Anybody had this happen to them and did it escalate into something else?

If he was my boyfriend I would walk and not look back. Why because I'm married do I have to put up with this crap. I feel like I'm living out some French novel where the wife overlooks their husband's indiscretions.

Anyway just bought a designer coat to keep the winter chills out.

OP posts:
legotits · 03/11/2016 17:01

I know a lady that ended up doing this.
Her DP set it up for easy cash (absolute abusive tosser in all ways) and it is different.
It can get weird quick.
One client likes to watch her prepare food.
One clients showers.
One hanging things up outside and flashing her arse.

It starts and ends with sex but the potential to have this pay per minute play toy seems irresistible.

LouisvilleLlama · 03/11/2016 17:20

Sorry OP webcams is worse than porn IMO, porn is " pre made" it follows trends of what the market wants sure but it's made for a general audience, webcams is actual interaction and contributing to a " goal" or an "act" often you pay money to the site and they give you tokens and it'll be 500 tokens to get naked, "2000 tokens for a cum show" for examples and people " tip" to contribute to the goal. Also a lot of the time viewers don't even need to contribute it's free to type and watch it's only those really invested who tip.

But even if you were fine with all that he spunked on the keyboard? That's disgusting he can't even bother to clean up his mess? Ehst if the children used it? It's bad enough yourself but children??

Joysmum · 03/11/2016 17:23

saying that I am knocking his character and there are loads of things that I do that annoy him

To put things into perspective, in a loving relationship the person who unintentionally hurt their partner would be devasted they'd hurt the person they love and would do everything they could to try to make amends and lessen that hurt.

By contrast, your DH is trying to blame you Angry

DonaldStott · 03/11/2016 17:35

I am knocking his character and there are loads of things that I do that annoy him

What, leaving crumbs on the side? Cos I can bet your bottom dollar you aren't spending £££'s on sex workers and leaving cum stains on househd items.

What an odious human being. Oh and I love the way it's all your fault.

venusinscorpio · 03/11/2016 17:38

He's a selfish, self-absorbed shit, OP. But I'm sure you realise that. You have to think about what you are prepared to put up with and what you aren't. Because he doesn't sound like he's going to stop, if he's so unapologetic and self-righteous.

MavisCrouton · 03/11/2016 17:43

I'd be bloody furious. I think it's worse than porn because 1) porn can be found for free so it's not negatively impacting your family's financial situation and 2) he can interact with webcam girls and ask them to do intimate things that he would normally only reserve for you - it would be the betrayal of the intimacy that would wound me. Flowers

AnyFucker · 03/11/2016 17:45

You would be an absolute mug to tolerate this, op

Men who use the sex industry are the lowest of the low IMO.

You seriously cleaned his spunk off the keyboard ?

He blames you for his lowdown sleaze ?

I just don't get why there is even a question in your head that this man is worth your time.

Original poster
honesthelp · 03/11/2016 17:48

He says that I am picking out one flaw and focusing on it and not thinking of all the good things he does for the family. This is true he does a lot for the family I am a SAHM. He says he would be annoyed but would get over it as it's not that bad.

Going out for a drink later without the kids around any advice how to tackle this would be appreciated.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 03/11/2016 17:54

One flaw ?

Well, I believe Harold Shipman was a very good GP apart from his one flaw

How would I tackle it ? Two words. Fuck off. Literal meaning.

venusinscorpio · 03/11/2016 17:56

Tell him you want him to stop it OP. No negotiation. Then see what he says.

venusinscorpio · 03/11/2016 17:58

Plus what Anyfucker said.

RebelRogue · 03/11/2016 17:58

In my eyes it is as close as it gets to cheating without actually having sex. The fact that he spent family money on it (could you easily spare 100£?) makes it even worse.
Depending on the website,there might be a lot of private chatting and specific demands. Basically he pays a woman to do what he wants..sexually or otherwise. On other websites a lot of stuff will be free already,or for tips(that others can do)so he could easily sit and watch as a guest.

Sometimes it even moves beyond sex,and some men do develop feelings and/or want more...email,phone numberS etc. I would not be happy with this having some extensive knowledge of the industry.

AnyFucker · 03/11/2016 18:00

He will probably promise to stop it of course

Whether you trust him to do so is another matter. And whether it sits OK with you that he spent family money on jacking off over other women in the first place.

venusinscorpio · 03/11/2016 18:02

I can't get over him leaving his spunk on the computer for someone else to deal with. How disgusting and disrespectful.

ThatsNoWayToSayGoodbye · 03/11/2016 18:04

I ended my marriage over far, far less than this.

ThatsNoWayToSayGoodbye · 03/11/2016 18:07

Why because I'm married do I have to put up with this crap

You don't have to. You can, of course, choose to. But that's different. You don't have to put up with anything.

Bluntness100 · 03/11/2016 18:08

How's the rest of your relationship? Is it good?

I would not leave my husband over this, because I have a good relationship with him. I would of course call him all the dirty bastards under the sun, read him the riot act and tell him to never do it again or I'd friggen tell everyone he knew. But nope. I wouldn't break up a happy home.

And yeah, there is extreme stuff out there, but others are not so extreme. Don't assume he was clubbing with other guys to do very bad stuff.

Simonneilsbeard · 03/11/2016 18:10

He would be annoyed but would get over it? Lol of course he would! He's the one who did it and he thinks it's perfectly acceptable to buy women.

He doesn't get to tell you how you should react or how to feel about it. In my opinion paying a women to perform for you sexually on camera is prostitution..it's a slippery slope! ..what next?

He clearly doesn't think he did anything wrong here.

ThatsNoWayToSayGoodbye · 03/11/2016 18:12

What would you end your marriage over then, Bluntness? I mean, I understand that we all have different boundaries, but "forsaking all others" (all others) is one of your marriage vows!

HateMrTumble · 03/11/2016 18:15

He won't have got much for £100, I can easily earn £100 in 3-4 hours and not even take my clothes off..

I'm not complaining it's a great earner, but i always wonder who'd be so rediculous to pay so much money, I doubt he got much for his money, and yes I'd be extremely pissed off if it was my husband when he could have got it for free..