Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Webcams

79 replies

honesthelp · 03/11/2016 12:47

Anyone had any experience of DHs using webcams? I found my DH has spent £100 over 3 weeks. Would this be the end? Feel like shit and I'm no prude.

I actually had to clean the computer of his ....Sad.

In every other respect relationship ok I know he uses porn but wonder whether this is the next step to him being unfaithful - if this isn't infidelity already.

OP posts:
venusinscorpio · 03/11/2016 18:16

It's definitely prostitution. You can chat with people naked on webcams for free, have cyber sex etc. They just have more of a free say when you tell them to do something because money doesn't depend on it, and are more likely to tell you to fuck off. Why is he paying someone? Ask yourself that. There could be a number of reasons, none of them are great.

Original poster
honesthelp · 03/11/2016 19:42

Thanks for all the replies. I am quite surprised nobody else has experienced their DH doing the same. I will let you know how it goes later.

OP posts:
legotits · 03/11/2016 20:16

My DP is cheap, excruciatingly so.
It wouldn't cross my mind, I have my demons but not this one.

I reckon this to be a growing problem.
The way the scummer makes considerable money is repeat custom. Men in the office for a quick 5 minutes. Mostly at home, plenty with families. It doesn't take any time.
She has to be sat in a dressing gown on call, ready to drop everything and grab her laptop.

It reminds me of how the new betting machines are so pervasive.

It's the convenience and power they pay for.

HandbagCrazy · 03/11/2016 20:35

This would be an absolute deal breaker for me. And as for you picking one flaw of his? How would he feel if your one flaw was seducing other men?

To me the webcam thing is a small step towards cheating. In his mind, it isn't cheating because he isn't physically with her, but when this is no longer thrilling enough, what next? Online dating sites "to get a confidence boost?" Prostitutes - because it's not a personal relationship it doesn't count?

You can draw your line wherever you want to , and he can kick off and argue as much as he likes, if his behaviour isn't acceptable to YOU then his opinion doesn't matter!

MyWineTime · 03/11/2016 20:45

His argument that this is just 1 flaw is crap.
If he'd had sex with 4 other women, that would also be just 1 flaw.
It's the seriousness of just 1 flaw that matters. He is dismissing it as unimportant and that is insulting.

If he will not acknowledge and accept responsibility for what he has done and how this has almost destroyed your marriage, then there is no chance at all that he won't do it again, regardless of empty promises that he won't.

NotTheFordType · 03/11/2016 21:02

Hmm at legotits You've clearly never worked cam!

Op if it's any help, he'll have got about 10 minutes from each of those 25 credit buys.

Most of my clients just want me to strip off and masturbate while talking dirty.

Leaving spunk on the monitor is fecking gross, and he should be spending his own money, not family money.

ThatsNoWayToSayGoodbye · 03/11/2016 21:13

NotTheFord Can they see your face? Does it bother you? (Not judging or looking to criticise, that's just the bit of it that has always seemed the most worrisome; that you might be recognised at the local supermarket!)

legotits · 03/11/2016 21:24

Not much call for a Les Dawson look alike NotT Grin

I know someone (through work) who does this to maintain her knobscab of a partner.

I know there are all sorts of cam workers, I'm only saying my personal experience here.

NotTheFordType · 03/11/2016 21:32

Thats I used to hide my face in free mode (where you're fully clothed) and only show it in paid mode. However since giving up my "civvy" job and "coming out" to close family and friends, I see no reason to. I live in a pretty big city; I might feel differently if I had children still at home or lived in a small village.

Also I look very different on cam with full makeup and styled hair than when I go out to the gym wearing trackies, no makeup and with my hair scragged back :)

ThatsNoWayToSayGoodbye · 03/11/2016 21:37

Not, So it's your full time job now? Wow...

How do you make money from it whilst you're in free mode then?

(sorry feel free not to answer, I am genuinely curious)

HateMrTumble · 03/11/2016 21:46

I also do this full time in my uni holidays..make more than any other job I've ever had.. over £2000 on a good month.

I don't offer any free chat or audio, just paid group and private chat. I was also worried about showing my face st first, some wear masks or different makeup etc, however my opinion now is why do I care? Anyone who has anything negative to say- more fool them, it's my earnings not theirs.

NotTheFordType · 03/11/2016 21:48

Free mode is like a preview. I set mine so clients can only have max 5 mins free in my room in any 24hr period. I just say "hi" to people who come in, smile at them answer their repetitive questions and if they like the look of me then they will click into paid mode.

It's basically like giving a free sample at the deli counter. A loss leader to entice people to buy.

NotTheFordType · 03/11/2016 21:51

I don't want to de-rail OP's thread as she needs support, but feel free to PM me any questions.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 03/11/2016 21:57

He keeps calling and texting from work saying that I am knocking his character and there are loads of things that I do that annoy him etc. He wants to know why I don't just drop it and stop running him down.

That says it all. Especially with his added "one flaw" comment. This isn't something that he will stop, for you or for himself.

I would absolutely walk. I'd have no trust for him, and no respect for him. I do know someone whose husband did this, she forgave him first time, second time she left. I don't think she's on MN, but she doesn't openly talk about it much because she's embarrassed. I would imagine it's not rare, but thankfully it's not hugely common either.

Bluntness100 · 03/11/2016 22:13

I think this is probably a lot more common than most women think. The only difference is getting caught. There is a lot of girls doing this and making good money, and so there is a lot of guys buying, and the guys buyinh aren't all single. In fact I'd bet good money most are married. So they are someone's husband. Someone's son,.someones brother.someones dad,

For me I see it as one up from watching porn. You don't meet the women, you can't touch them, it's all remote. In fact it's simply interactive soft porn.

No one will be impressed their husband is doing this, but I'd guess most guys don't think it's as bad as many women think, two view points,

As said, for me this wouldn't be a marriage breaker, sorry.

Lacoba66 · 03/11/2016 22:45

OP, can I ask you to consider something? If you found out that your DH was viewing a woman that he wasn't paying for, would you consider it any differently? Would you see it as more of a betrayal? I know that you've said that you don't object to porn, but what I'm asking is regardless of any payment involved, can you (do you) see a difference?

AnyFucker · 03/11/2016 22:55

Yes.

How about your husband was watching Sandra from next door playing with herself and then whacking off ?

Would you be happy wiping up his spunk then ? Shrugging it off as "harmless porn" ?

I doubt it.

Original poster
honesthelp · 03/11/2016 23:32

I have had a few to drink so sorry if incoherent. He is very apologetic and understands it was wrong and will give me all his bank details etc.

I suppose our sexcams life has dwindled a bit both in our 40s and every couple of weeks. We do need to make time for each other every week. I said that he should include me in things like that and not do it independently ( I wouldn't sexcam) but it may stop him if he thinks I would.

We are pretty advent ousted in bed but probably don't have it enough. Is once a week OK? Sorry a bit pissed.

I have started smoking again.

OP posts:
Original poster
honesthelp · 03/11/2016 23:33

Sex life!!

OP posts:
Original poster
honesthelp · 03/11/2016 23:34

Adventurous in bed. Bloody hell sorry about all the mistakes!

OP posts:
legotits · 03/11/2016 23:39

Fags are OK for tonight, watch the booze though.

You've got some hard thinking to do, don't let him minimise. Or blame. Or back you in a corner.

I wouldn't judge anyone for doing what they and their family needs.
I do think we all need to have our eyes opened though.
Things are normalised too easily these days. Brew

RustyParker · 03/11/2016 23:49

So he's going to be rewarded with more sex from you?

I couldn't look at him without thinking of having had wipe his spunk off the keyboard.

BusyNothings · 04/11/2016 00:07

TBH if that was my dh I'd be bloody furious. Not judging you but are you sure upping the sex quota and offering to look at things with him is what you want? I think it needs to be him showing you his effort and commitment - not the other way round. Wait until the morning, sober up and think about what it is that you want - every relationship works differently but you have to be happy with your decisions, not swayed because you feel stuck in a marriage you want to make work at any expense.

I hope he gets himself sorted, for your sake Flowers

Giselaw · 04/11/2016 05:54

He's not doing this because of the amount of sex you do or don't have.

AnyFucker · 04/11/2016 07:00

Deary me. The conclusion you have come to is that you will compete with the Web cam girls because this is your fault after all for not opening your legs enough.

Bad move.