ex's memories so different from mine ... he confused me again

[grittypetal]

so, just had a chat with the ex (together for over a decade, separated for 2 years now). we went through some bad patches when we were still together. However, in his memory there seem to be only good moments left, especially of him being caring and loving etc. I, on the other side, have loads of memories of him being really horrible.
It made me feel so sad for a moment - me having given up on such a lovely relationship...
would some sort of mediation/counseilling help here?

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."

If hes forgotten or refusing to acknowledge the ways he was horrible to you, why would he take any care to not repeat them?

Ive never been a fan of the "well, you were horrible too" argument. Ok, so you were horrible too - does that mean he wasnt? Or just that he wants to make sure that any discussion ends with you accepting blame while he sidesteps it?

Ex doesn't want to be the bad guy and is continuing to mess with your head? If you value your sanity, OP, step away and don't look back. Ever.

Maybe he views life through rose tinted glasses and only remembers the good times. Maybe it was rough when you had little ones.... maybe it will be easier now. Are you still attracted to him? Love him? There's no shame in getting back together, but I do think to do so, you would both have to acknowledge why things went wrong in the first place.

these comments are a great help, thank you all so much