My boyfriend has let his house to an ex

[widgie]

I started a relationship with a single guy I met online and he said that he had planned to rent his house to go travelling . When we got together he said that he would get the house so we could share accommodation and I could see his life and country. (He lives in Bermuda) We had a small misunderstanding and he reverted to letting his house and staying in s small apartment in his stepmothers large house as s base. Six months into the relationship I discover that he did in fact let it to an ex who wants him back . I was distraught but we hobbled along as we have a bond, the ex has since moved out and he now wants to come to the uk to stay with me for a while. However I can't seem to forgive or forget the situation and that's all we argue about. I've been to stay with him in his friends apartment and his poky apartment but I resent the fact that I didn't stay in his house so why should he stay in mine , AIBU

If we remove the OP's (understandable) emotional outpourings:

The OP hooked up with Bob on the internet.
She discovered Bob had lied to her about letting his ex live in his flat.

That's all anyone needs really to know, surely?

Bob is a liar. This early on in a relationship.

And anyone who says they would have no issue with that, is also one.

A voice in the darkness I thought I was going mad

He said he vaguely remembered telling me but I we've remembered that as I wdnt have gone there knowing she was in his house and I was being put up in a friends apartment

Would have

Are you saying that he led you to believe you would be staying in his house in Bermuda only to discover that he'd rented it out to his ex when you arrived?

He told me before I got there that he'd rented it to his sister he told me about the ex being there months later

I need some guidance as my resentment is ruining my relationship

Honestly, in the kindest possible way.

You need to step away from this relationship - any relationship & grow the f" up!

U want to get a life and elucidate yourself without a swear word where is your anger coming from ?

If thats aimed at me, no anger at all

Its simply a turn of phrase, admittedly a stronger one & not one I use often, but you come across in your posts as overly needy & insecure.

The best thing ANYONE can do in that situation is take some time out from relationships & work on themselves/self esteem. Then & ONLY then will you really be ready for an adult relationship

I am an adult I don't need an insult either just A bit of advise

That IS advice

Mmm,

I will leave it at that as you clearly don't have either the inclination, mor the ability to understand that

No u just throw a vague insult I m presuming u have a perfect relationship from which to throw stones from

Comments like yours make me wonder why I put my problem out there in the first place

Nothing constructive just a major mud pie of anger

But love... the only one who thinks you're in a relationship is you!

You literally only know what this guy is telling you.

And even that is a lie

It's not going to work

You deserve better than this. Why do you think you have to settle for somone who isn't available to have a prior relationship with?

You're wasting precious time on someone who has lied to you once that you know of, and you have no way of knowing how much else he's playing you, which he definitely is.

This is literally only a half step better than dating a married man because you can't hack a whole full time relationship

Work on yourself, demand more and better for yourself than this.

The messages I'm getting are two extremes from I'm being unreasonable to why would I put up with it , the morning lot think I'm being unreasonable the evening comments are I'm a mug to put up with it

I think I'll make my own mind up somewhere in the middle

Thanks for the constructive comments

They are not extremes OP. Nobody is going out of their way to be nasty. Everyone has virtually unanimously said YABU to your original question. The difference has been this evening, people are challenging the validity of what you are classing as a relationship. No one is going out of their way to be mean

Shots fired sums the situation up well.

You're getting two messages for the two different aspects to the question:
Is it a problem that he rented his house to an ex and you had to stay in a flat? No.
Is it a problem that he lied to you about it? Yes.
Dump his sorry arse and go and get yourself a decent bloke who doesn't tell lies.

Every single reply you have had op is saying that yabu, -and that you have very little right to dictate anything he does, anymore than he has with you.

Everyone has said in one way or another that you are wasting your time/life on this guy

Some here have said you have issues; paranoia, insecurity, jealousy over a bloke you seriously don't know

There is one message here, but it's not the one you want to see

Dear reader , I dumped him .

Can't of been an easy decesion. What made you decide,to dump him. Hope,you doing alright.

The deceit was the thing I don't trust him . I'm weary of it all now . Depressed and single : another one bites the dust .