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Original poster

My boyfriend has let his house to an ex

101 replies

widgie · 26/10/2016 23:45

I started a relationship with a single guy I met online and he said that he had planned to rent his house to go travelling . When we got together he said that he would get the house so we could share accommodation and I could see his life and country. (He lives in Bermuda) We had a small misunderstanding and he reverted to letting his house and staying in s small apartment in his stepmothers large house as s base. Six months into the relationship I discover that he did in fact let it to an ex who wants him back . I was distraught but we hobbled along as we have a bond, the ex has since moved out and he now wants to come to the uk to stay with me for a while. However I can't seem to forgive or forget the situation and that's all we argue about. I've been to stay with him in his friends apartment and his poky apartment but I resent the fact that I didn't stay in his house so why should he stay in mine , AIBU

OP posts:
Original poster
widgie · 27/10/2016 09:10

Am I being old fashioned to expect that when u meet someone new u put the ex in the ex box remain friends maybe but don't let them into ur domain at the expense of ur new partner

OP posts:
Original poster
widgie · 27/10/2016 09:12

He said that he would get his house back and when we had the misunderstanding he went ahead with the verbal arrangement

OP posts:
Original poster
widgie · 27/10/2016 09:13

But he didn't tell me about the ex until six months in he told me he had let house to his sister

OP posts:
Original poster
widgie · 27/10/2016 09:14

Which he did as well but they lived together for a few months

OP posts:
ijustdontknowanymore · 27/10/2016 09:17

So how long have you actually spent together?

Original poster
widgie · 27/10/2016 09:19

Talk every day and three visits in 8 months totally 38 days

OP posts:
Myusernameismyusername · 27/10/2016 09:26

You aren't married to him you can't tell him what to do with his own house. You have only known him 6 months.

I think you are severely over reacting. You could have got a hotel if it was that bad. What do you want us to say? That he is a bad man? He just sounds a bit like he made a quick decision re the house and travelling but you sounds like really hard work.

Also if he comes to the UK to visit you what the fuck does the house matter anymore? He won't be in it or near her.

Myusernameismyusername · 27/10/2016 09:27

Oh it's suddenly changed from 34 days to 38 days together now Hmm

Original poster
widgie · 27/10/2016 09:30

Around that figure I'd have to get calendar out to work it out

OP posts:
Original poster
widgie · 27/10/2016 09:32

I'm not asking you to slate him but I'm asking if everyone s values accept that this situation is acceptable and I am over reacting

OP posts:
Myusernameismyusername · 27/10/2016 09:32

You are over reacting

Original poster
widgie · 27/10/2016 09:35

so you would accept that from your partner? I'm not being critical I'm just trying to reason it out in my head

OP posts:
Original poster
widgie · 27/10/2016 09:36

I don't know if it's a cultural thing or a generation thing I'm 49 perhaps I'm being old fashioned

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 27/10/2016 09:36

34 or 38 days, whatever it is, is bloody nothing in the grander scheme of things. Try to look at your posts as an outsider, looking in....
The real deal? It just sounds ridiculous.
The poor bloke has done nothing wrong & even if you'd been together say 5 years & were maybe thinking of moving in together, he'd still be doing nothing wrong.

Original poster
widgie · 27/10/2016 09:39

I can't accept that was the right thing to do to put an ex in your house who still wants a relationship with you and out your girlfriend in a dirty apartment of a friend

OP posts:
Original poster
widgie · 27/10/2016 09:39

Put

OP posts:
Myusernameismyusername · 27/10/2016 09:39

It's his house he can do with it what he chooses.
He wasn't living in it with her

I just honestly think that with a LDR you should be having fun and not taking it too seriously. It doesn't sound like it's anything long term. Why don't you allow him to visit and then see what you think?

and I don't know how to say it nicely, but if someone reacted like this and was all heartbroken about the house and constantly going on and on about this I would probably dump them.

Original poster
widgie · 27/10/2016 09:40

I put the situation to him that I would do the same thing and he said he wouldn't accept it either

OP posts:
fairgame84 · 27/10/2016 09:41

You are massively overreacting. The ex doesn't even live in the house anymore according to your op. It's done, you can't change the past so either let it go or let him go because the resentment will ruin your relationship.

Myusernameismyusername · 27/10/2016 09:41

you have to either finish with him or move on

That's all you can do

Original poster
widgie · 27/10/2016 09:42

Can I ask how old you are to see if I'm out of step with a generation?

OP posts:
ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 27/10/2016 09:44

Tell us more about the "misunderstanding"

Because the way I read this, notwithstanding your paranoia, he lied to you about letting his ex live in his house. Why? Could they maybe actually have been living in it together (ie not as much of an ex as you've been led to believe) you booked a plane ticket, he went "oh shit" and went to sleep on the cockroach ridden mattress as a cover up?

Myusernameismyusername · 27/10/2016 09:45

I'm younger than you

I think you have massively over invested yourself in this relationship. I'm sorry OP but nothing you can say will change my mind. unless I am married to someone or living with them what I choose to do with my property is my decision only

Yakari · 27/10/2016 09:47

But as a landlord how could he ask his tenant to move out so he could stay there during your holiday? This is a massive overreaction and really doesn't bode well for you coping with a long distance relationship where his ex lives in the same country as him, and you don't!

TheNaze73 · 27/10/2016 09:50

Op, you're age is irrelevant. People from 18-90 will tell you the same thing. Get a grip.

If you can't handle the non situation you've created in your own head. Bin him off