How likely is this do you think to be true?

[Humblebee1]

My DP met OW on dating site, whilst working away weekdays. She lived in same town. He admits to texting up to twice a week for four months but says they only ever met up once, and that is when she asked him to her house at 1.00 am and he went and spent night. I found out three weeks later after finding texts on his work phone from her after he badly insulted me.

She never knew we were together. Is is realistic to think after exchanging numbers, snapchats you would wait all that time to meet in flesh? I would say most women would smell a rat and therefore he must have met her more.?? He swears he met her just once and felt awful.

Ah right so he got bored and didn't decide to let you in on that so you could both work to improve the relationship, he was ok with that.

Then he signed up to a dating site instead, was ok with that.

He messaged women on that site rather than just browsing, he was alright with that.

He then continued to text a woman over a period of months, he was alright with that.

He decided to meet one of the women in her house one night knowing it would probably lead to sex, he was alright with that.

He had sex with this woman knowing in advance it was likely to happen, he was alright with that.

He thinks the issue now is that YOU are making this out to be more than it really was! That he is ok with everything is he's done and that therefore you should be and you have issues because you don't believe a word that comes out of his lying cheating mouth. That's how little he thinks of you. He's just sorry he got caught and how this affect him with no consideration for you, just as he's never had since he 'got bored'.

I agree Joysmum, that is why I am devastated.

I understand but you cannot allow the actions of one person to ruin your trust in all men - otherwise you will subconsciously seek out untrustworthy men to validate your beliefs. Please please dont let his actions ruin your chances of future contentment. This is all so raw for you I know, I've been there.

Not all men are like this OP, I am sorry he has hurt you so badly, it's unforgiveable but maybe in time, if he puts the hard work in you may be able to try again in the future with him.

Unfortunately, especially if working away some men will use that as an opportunity to cheat away from home.

These men are happy to cheat on their partners as long as they can get away with it, it astounds me that their conscience doesn't bother them and I can only deduce from that that they really are not committed to that person, no matter how good it looks on the outside.

You really have to give yourself time to decide if he's worth another chance.

Thanks, with the best will in the world though, even if I already know all men aren't like this, because I already thought I was with a good one, I trusted him withy life, I really did and I'm missing that already. I'm always going to have that fear and distrust at the back of my mind. I know its not me. I know, but i've learnt you never really do know someone.

Your pain is jumping out from your words Humblebee, and sadly you have to go through it. You need to open up to those who love you, and surround yourself with that love. So many of us in these circumstances have kept quiet because of the feelings of humiliation and deprived ourselves of much needed support. I have never understood how someone in deep shock, and pain can be expected to immediately LTB. There has to be time to lick your wounds and attempt to work through your needs right now.

Thinking of you.x.

Thanks everyone.

I can't believe he's texted asking if there's anything he can do?
The truth would be something small given all his shit.

Is he still living at home? If so, one thing he could do would be to move out and give you time and space.

If not already doing so he could also ensure he is doing his fair share of parenting, and domestic stuff (if at home), again to give you time and space.

He could also give you access to all his social media, OL datinf and email accounts (though he's probably wiped them) and mobile phone bills, although they presumably won't show texts.

No, I've put him out for now. He wiped his PC and no longer has the work phone as he quit working away after I found out about his 'double life'.

The PC is the truth teller here.

If he is telling the truth then he leaves the PC intact and hands the PC over to you, no questions asked. Because the PC is the only independent record of what actually happened and will corroborate the truth of what he has told you. If he is telling the truth, he should be pleading with you to look through the PC.

If he is not telling the truth, he wipes the PC. Because there is stuff on there that he hasn't confessed to you yet is the answer.

Very simple. Sorry.

Yes, wiping the PC suggests there's more you don't know.

God, OP, I'm so sorry for you.