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Original poster

How likely is this do you think to be true?

88 replies

Humblebee1 · 26/10/2016 15:14

My DP met OW on dating site, whilst working away weekdays. She lived in same town. He admits to texting up to twice a week for four months but says they only ever met up once, and that is when she asked him to her house at 1.00 am and he went and spent night. I found out three weeks later after finding texts on his work phone from her after he badly insulted me.

She never knew we were together. Is is realistic to think after exchanging numbers, snapchats you would wait all that time to meet in flesh? I would say most women would smell a rat and therefore he must have met her more.?? He swears he met her just once and felt awful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Humblebee1 · 26/10/2016 17:32

lweji, because in order to even begin to get through this, just for myself alone, and I can't just block him out of my life completely due to DC's, I need to know he is at least honest in his guilt and sorrow. After a decade and a half of my life he owes me at least a bit of honesty now. I know its a long shot but it just would make a difference in moving on, together or not, so I'm not going to accept the bullshit just to make his life easy. I deserve to know.

OP posts:
Lweji · 26/10/2016 17:33

Did he offer any explanation to the cheating?

adora1 · 26/10/2016 17:36

You are quite right OP, I'd tell him I don't want to talk to him about anything other than the DCs until he can be open and honest about what actually went on because what he has given you is a scrap of a whole story.

Original poster
Humblebee1 · 26/10/2016 17:40

He can't tell me why and says he just got bored, dabbled online and got carried away with all that shit. He said he found it exciting he supposes and that he never intended to ever meet anyone (any form of contact with any woman of this nature is cheating to me). He wishes he could turn back the clock as soon as he got out of her house.

OP posts:
Original poster
Humblebee1 · 26/10/2016 17:45

He says he doesn't understand either, biggest mistake he ever made. Is now working back home and wants another chance. But I have not got the whole story, and will never even contemplate getting back until then. Even then I'm doubtful. Since we have family, I want to be sure I have thought this all through before definitely splitting up officially.

OP posts:
Lweji · 26/10/2016 17:47

He clearly doesn't value his family enough not to risk it.

adora1 · 26/10/2016 17:51

Well there's a lie for starters, he joined a dating website with no intention of actually meeting any women, yeah sure so how come he managed to have full sex with her then, I hate liars.

Original poster
Humblebee1 · 26/10/2016 17:56

adora1 I know its bullshit, he just didn't expect to get caught. Now he's hiding behind fact I'm pregnant its so frustrating, he not protecting me from truth, just himself.

OP posts:
adora1 · 26/10/2016 17:58

Oh my and you are pregnant, so sorry OP, you do not deserve this. Hope you have good family and friends to support you.

Lweji · 26/10/2016 17:58

If you know he's lying (and you're pregnant!), that's your answer.

GabsAlot · 26/10/2016 17:59

theres yo9u answer op

he doesnt care about your or the baby just protecting himself

GrinchyMcGrincherson · 26/10/2016 18:03

He admits to texting up to twice a week for four months but says they only ever met up once, and that is when she asked him to her house at 1.00 am and he went and spent night

This doesn't add up to me. A 1am come round to me is a booty call and if that's what she wanted why wait 4 months for it?

Also if she wanted to take it slow why only text a couple of times a week? Surely you would text and call more often to build up a connection before meeting?

I smell the poop of bovines I'm afraid.

GrinchyMcGrincherson · 26/10/2016 18:14

He had 4 months to regret it and bail. That's a LONG time.

LesisMiserable · 26/10/2016 18:26

I think he could be telling the truth - I was sporadically texting a guy off a dating site on and off for the best part of a year - only met up out of pure curiosity for the both of us I would say when circumstances aligned to make it not too much of a hassle - and nothing happened between us it was more like meeting an old friend (Not to say it wouldn't have under different circumstances) That aside though, he did cheat so you are where you are.

BlueFolly · 26/10/2016 18:57

I am says my it doesn't add up!!! i.e. The type of person who texts for months on end is not the type to meet at 1am for a shag.

DrudgeDread · 26/10/2016 19:16

This is ringing alarm bells for me.

I was in a similar situation but from the other side.

I was chatting to a guy online from July. We met after a few weeks, would have been sooner but was hard to sync timetables. Got on OK and as we are both single and not seeing anyone else, we have hooked up a couple of times since.

This guy lives in a different country in the UK to me but works in a town close by. He suggested we meet at 1am the first time. I wasn't up for that.

He is now back home and his messages have become sporadic at best. I'm beginning to wonder if he isn't just home with his kids after all. Angry

Your dh is a slime ball to do this to you at any time but when you are pregnant it seems even worse Flowers

EarlGreyT · 26/10/2016 19:23

I think BlueFolly means some people talk for ages on dating sites before meeting because they're time wasters or because they are risk averse. However meeting someone for the first time at 1am is something someone who is a risk taker would do (and that this isn't the behaviour of someone risk averse). I.e. Things as your partner has stated they are don't add up as one action (messaging for ages) is that of someone risk averse, but the other (meeting for the "first" time at 1am is the action of a risk taker, therefore your partner is likely to be lying and it's likely he met her more than once.

I agree with PPs though, the details of whether it was once or more don't really matter. The fact that he was on a dating site intending to cheat and whether he succeeded once or more is the important bit. Sorry you've got to deal with this.

Original poster
Humblebee1 · 26/10/2016 19:26

He has said that i am making out there was more to it than there really was and he has told me everything. But my common sense, never mind my gut, says different.

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 26/10/2016 19:41

Sorry Humblebee but if I had a quid for everytime I've heard in RL or on here the 'we only met/had sex once' I'd be getting my butler to type this on my gold plated iPad. He's minimising Thanks

MegFlyAway · 26/10/2016 19:42

He's lying. He had no respect for you what so ever. You'd never ever trust him again.

DamePastel · 26/10/2016 19:43

Even the fact that he joined a dating site and wanted to flirt with other women would mean it was over for me.

GabsAlot · 26/10/2016 19:45

hes playing you no trying to make u feel paranoid of course theres nothing else to tell u its your mind

classic

DamePastel · 26/10/2016 19:45

And having done on line dating, I agree with blue folly. You're either brave enough and ready to meet somebody or you're not. You don't go from messaging to a 1 am shag.

Original poster
Humblebee1 · 26/10/2016 20:35

Yes, the story is absolute garbage. And it was already a rerun of what he first told me. I didn't know they met this way until weeks after finding the texts. I do think he is ashamed and feels guilty but just not enough to tell me everything.
I think I will know when I'm getting the truth, as crazy as it sounds.

OP posts:
BlueFolly · 26/10/2016 21:04

Thank you EarlGreyT, that's exactly what I meant Grin