Bank account lies

[Lulu2515]

My DP left his bank account open on laptop a couple of months ago.. I had a snoop.

There was a transaction for a substantial amount of money sent to someone with same initials and surname as girl he was previously texting.
I tried to talk to him about it at the time, he shut me down.
Brought it up properly yesterday, he came up with an almost plausible excuse... but not quite.

I've messaged the girl today. She wouldn't confirm that he'd sent her the money or tell me why. She also said "I don't know why you're desperate to confirm what you already know".

DP is telling me I'm a psycho and have ruined our relationship. He's going to pick up DC from nursery then we're going to talk when he's gone to bed.

I don't know what to do. I'm so desperate for answers. I'm also softening... but I was right originally wasn't I? He sent that money to her?

No :-( I know you're right. I don't see a way out of this....it's the lies that hurt most

I feel so sick. It's killing me holding on til 7pm

I'd ask him outright what you suspect as a yes / no question. So, you could start with "did you send £xx to Miss X"? If he really did send money to a friend, then the answer should be a simple, "No, I told you before, I sent the money to Mr X". If he starts on with "why are you bringing this up again? I told you at the time, there's nothing to talk about", then he has something to hide. Up to you if you need to find out what, or if the sneaking around is betrayal enough.

We've had that conversation a couple of times. He denies and says he lent it to a friend.

I'm not sure what to do now because she pretty much confirmed my suspicions didn't she? I don't really know what's real and what's me being mad any more. My head hurts and I'm confused

[hugs] It is the lies that hurt most. FWIW I did forgive my OH affair, but mainly because he did come clean. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

I just want him to tell me the truth :-(

Does this friend even exist? Do you know someone with that name who's close enough to your partner that he'd lend him the money?

Does your DP have a lot of spare money?

Just taking the money out of it, what do you know about the woman he was texting? Was it a physical relationship?

I can't understand why he's lie to you? Seems odd

Bless you Hun, big hugs xx
You may not ever get the truth from him, but stay strong, stand your ground ! Remember you are a queen!! you can get though this. Xx
Tell him that telling you the truth and some respect will go a long way in your healing process, you will find it very hard to move forward without it.
Sending lots of love and strength xx

So ask him to cough up the name of this 'friend with the same initials'.

I think you already know the truth. The fact that this girl said 'why confirm what you already know' speaks volumes. And you're right, you can't force a confession out of your not-so-DP. He's banking on the fact that if he keeps his mouth shut, eventually you'll give up and the whole thing will be forgotten.

I think this is LTB territory. It would be for me.

Sorry op but my first thought was abortion too, don't let him turn this on you 'for snooping' you need to get a straight answer or you will never rest x

Im wondering if there is a secret child your not aware of?

Must admit that when I saw that the amount of money was for a few hundred pounds,an abortion did instantly enter my head. Sorry OP.

To make it clear... the transaction was to a... let's say X.Y.Zion... which is the girls initials and surname. He is saying he lent it to his mate ( who I've met and I suppose could ask him for money though a bit weird) who is called Xious Yamma... he doesn't have the Zion bit in his name at all.
Which is why it's fishy. And he had months to think about whose name he could fit into that..

How much does an abortion cost?

She also said "I don't know why you're desperate to confirm what you already know".

If she thought you were way off-track, wouldn't she have said, "I don't know why you think he's given me money. I don't know anything about it."?

A quick Google says between £550 and £650.

Sorry, £450 - £650, depending on dates.

That would suggest, if it was that, he gave her about half

...

You know he's a liar. You KNOW that.

I suspect trying to talk to him will be confusing. He will most likely just lie and lie and lie.

Op, the response you got from her is very telling. Without putting it into words, she's told you.

I'm so sorry OP. I've been in a similar situation. It's so important that you hang on to the truth and don't let him blind you with waffle.