Husband constantly wakes me up

[BeardedDuck]

First time post so please be gentle with me!
We've been together for 23 years and have four children. I am a really light sleeper and the smallest noise wakes me up. My husband wakes me up usually several times a night, banging around in the room, setting alarms he ignores, snoring etc. He also wakes me up by giving me a kiss or asking me a question etc. If this happens i will then be awake for hours. I've told him this happens but he doesn't seem to care and will do it again the next night. Sometimes it makes me really angry and we've ended up getting into a big row. He will say 'i was only giving you a kiss' but its really affecting me. I work a very physical job and feel ill most mornings. I'm up right now feeling frustrated and crying and he's gone to sleep. I feel like he dies this on purpose. What should i do?

Perhaps he doesn't realise HOW badly his movements affect you? Try keeping a VERY detailed sleep diary for a week or two, complete with reasons you were awake or were woken, and how long it took you to get back to sleep, number of hours slept that night, what time you attempted to sleep, etc. Then show him the times that it was him waking you and let him see for himself just how much sleep he loses you every night.

I have a very severe sleep disorder that I've had my entire life, and my DH is very, very aware of this and tries his best, but he still manages to keep me up every night. I am not able to fall asleep without quiet and darkness. If he gets out of bed, if he has the TV or laptop on, if he isn't in the bed, or if the poor sod does ANYTHING, it wakes me or prevents me falling asleep, so he walks on eggshells at bed time. It still doesn't help.

When it gets really bad, I will go and hide in the back of the wardrobe for some quiet and darkness!!

My husband does all that AND uses his power tools when he gets home at 3:30 am in morning. Our bedrooms are right above the garage. He also lets the dogs out & forgets to bring them back in before they start barking by the bedroom window. after 20 years I just got use to sleeping with him having TV on. He let me start being a stay at home mom 4 years ago to get my son through highschool. He says he pays the bills and thats when hes awake & he makes money from the stuff he's building in garage. I said just because I dont get paid doesnt mean I dont deserve some respect. I would sleep when he does but I have to be on my sons schedual to take him to votech, football then his job. My poor son has came in my room a few times asking me to make his dad stop that hes so tired & has school in morning. I try to talk to my husband but some how we are always in the wrong and hes the victom & he works hard and isnt getting to be himself. I said try to go to bed first then just wake up earlier & make your projects. I am beside myself, one time I felt like I had a stroke when the freaking saw thrust me awake. As usual I barely got myself to sleep in the first place. I have a nerveouse bladder and once it starts spasming im awake on the toilet all night. when I used to work he use to come home quietly through the little garage door then about 10 yrs ago he started waking me uo using the big electric garage door. Of corse my bladder would start up and I would have to be up for work in 2 hrs. I finally gave up working all togethet but when my son gets his liscencse I would like to go back but my husband has gotten worse at being loud. Now its his scroll saw and some othet electric saw.

Danatacker. That sounds like hell! Do you not have neighbours?? Ours would kick up a s**t storm if we made that noise!

Danatacker. That sounds like hell! Do you not have neighbours?? Ours would kick up a s**t storm if we made that noise!

Not sure why that posted twice. Sorry

I am married to someone like this. It has been 20 years and I have had this torment. He deliberately shuts doors loud, talks or laughs loudly and gets angry when I confront him. I started waking him up and he only then justifies himself and says we both wake eachother up. I have watched him creep quietly, dim lights and go far away from the rooms of my step children(his bio) but as far as myself, my children(his step) and most especially me he has always been inconsiderate. We are buying a house and I am so happy there is not a bathroom in our room. I am putting his clothes in a walk in closet near his office and a sleeper couch in there so hopefully he will get the message. All he has to do is get up and leave the room and I should be able to sleep.

@Ba609173

This thread is over 2 years old so I'd suggest starting your own thread. People will respond to the OP and not your specific situation.

Quite honestly I would say that he is deliberately terrorising you. He knows what he's doing. My ex was like that.

I am literally up @ 3:20 a.m. for the same thing. Every night, EVERY👏freaking👏Night I go through this around 2:30. I'm so livid that I don't even feel like I'm in my body at the moment and I don't understand how people can be disrespectful like this. I started searching to see if this is just me, or if it is something that is common in relationships. I know that there are women that do this too but over 90‰ of the posts I've seen (so far) are about men waking up their wives or S.O's when coming to bed late and it's so infuriating.

I am a really light sleeper and the smallest noise wakes me up
Then YOU need to sleep separately.

I went out with a guy once who was a 'really light sleeper'....apparently i breathed too loud when asleep , if i turned over in my sleep it 'disturbed and woke' him up.
I had to go to bed the same time as him otherwise he 'couldn't sleep' knowing i was awake - reading a book, watching TV, using the toilet etc even though there was barely any noise/loudness.
Basically, he expected me to lie in bed still and mute like a mannequin until the morning alarm went off!

I ended up dumping him after 6 months as it was no way to live.

Mine are worst. was she will always turn on the light on in the middle of the night 1:30am or 2am or 3am until she is done atleast 1 hr she stay the light and do others things. i can't stand it, i toll her i can't sleep and awake middle of the night because of this, in no way solution she did'nt listen. every night waking me up . i guess the only solution is the saprate room to sleep like my parent said as is. 😔

My exH used to wake me up at least once or twice (sometimes more) a night for five years. It was one of his many forms of abuse, but easily the worst. He had an illness and would deliberately not take his medication so he’d need help in the night. Then if I didn’t help him as quickly or in the exact way he wanted, he’d call an ambulance, or if he was feeling especially vindictive, the police.

Thankfully one paramedic took one look at me and referred me to a DV charity and told the council I was a vulnerable adult.

I now have CPTSD.

the point being, sleep deprivation is serious and I hope there’s no other abusive behaviours present in your relationship. It’s cruel and debilitating. You need a serious conversation, and ideally separate rooms if you’re naturally a light sleeper.

Oops, didn’t realise zombie thread 🙄

I've told him this happens but he doesn't seem to care and will do it again the next night

Twat. Can't believe he priotisieses kissing you over letting you sleep. I feel sorry for you. It's not sweet. It's incredibly selfish and I'd want to cry if this was done to me.

Zombie thread everyone

I deal with something similar with my husband…he will know how incredibly tired I was before I had fallen asleep because we have a newborn and it’s 5 or 6 am, but he’ll wake me up by coming to cuddle me or touch and play with my face as I’m sleeping and for some reason since I’m coming out of a deep sleep I react by pushing him away or hitting his hand and seeming angry and violent, when in reality I’m not even conscious and have no idea what’s going on. The same thing happens every time. He gets upset and asks me over and over why I did that and lectures me on how I need to get rid of that spirit that naturally comes out when I’m sleeping and he comes to be loving toward me. I don’t know why I do that and barely remember what even happened and so I don’t respond the way he wants me to and he gets pissed and angry at me and sleeps on the couch but will swipe anything and everything that’s on the couch onto the floor first even if there’s something breakable that breaks on the floor when he does that I have to clean up later. (We’re in a very small studio/guest house right now.) I haven’t been able to figure out the reason why I react this way and feel guilty about it and like something is wrong with me. He says every other girl he’s ever been with reacts lovingly by hugging back or just being nice. Don’t know if there’s any solution for me out there besides working on my spirit like he said.

@TheFluentViewerPlease, please start your own thread - this is a very old zombie thread and you won't get the answers you need.

In the meantime - there is nothing wrong with you or your "spirit", your husband is selfish, abusive and unreasonable. If you start your own thread, then wiser posters than I will come along and give you advice and support.