So I had a bit of a rough night last night. I was chatting to a friend online and he said something completely harmless but for some reason it just really highlighted how uncomfortable I am in my own skin since being pregnant/having DD. So last night was filled with tears and feeling very sorry for myself, but this morning I've decided that if I'm unhappy then there's only one person who can do something about it: Me!
I've been so caught up in XP and thinking about what he's done/what he's doing, plus looking after DD, that I haven't been focusing on myself independent from him. I've always struggled with routine and motivation to just do simple everyday things, its a flaw of mine and XP sabotaged any attempts I made at self-improvement (probably not even consciously, just by being his twatish self).
So I've put some alarms on my phone to try and get myself and DD into a proper routine, especially in the mornings. If nothing else, I don't want to be that mum that always brings her kid to school late for no good reason. If I start getting myself together now then I should be in good practice before school-runs start!!
I'm going to go to bed earlier, I'm going to eat healthier, go on longer walks more often, budget better. Eventually I'm hoping to be better at getting up in the mornings, start saving up properly so we have a safety net, and get my body back to something I vaguely recognise, as well as raising my energy levels.
Basically I've had enough of wallowing over XP. I'm going to build myself up gently, so I don't burn out from pushing myself too hard, but those are all my long-term goals.
Im going to have a bath when DD has a nap and that's going to be my fresh start. Then once she wakes up we're going to walk to Asda which is about an hour round trip.
Tomorrow is Freedom and that's about a half an hour walk away and will be nice to talk to people. I'm going to make another banana loaf tonight for it. Its not on next week as its half term, but the week after I'm going to have a go at making some brownies (this way I get to practise baking without eating it all!)
Did I mention that this week marks two years since I gave up smoking! I stopped as soon as I got the positive result on the pregnancy test! Never got any support from XP though as apparently it was "easy" for me 
Sorry for the rant, just felt like I needed to get it all out!