Husband in need of advice

[PresentTense]

Hi everyone. Am looking for some female insight please. I’ll condense this as much as possible.

My wife and I have been married for just over a year and have been together for 8 years. We’ve always had a really good relationship, full of love and understanding, and still do. However, there have been outside problems that have seeped in and have caused a problem for us.

Just before we got married, my wife’s relationship with her Dad broke down and they are now no longer in each other’s lives. My wife has a complicated relationship with her Dad and she took a lot of the emotional slack for her family when she was a teenager and young adult. After the relationship with him ended, she was very depressed and I did my best to support her through it all. The grief she felt was huge and it really hit her hard.

She sought out some therapy and worked to get over it and get herself in a better place emotionally, and again, I was fully behind this.

The thing is my wife now feels as though she needs some time alone to grow. She wants to get happy in herself. She says she loves me and I’m everything she wants in a partner, but at the moment, she feels she needs some time alone to work out who she is and how she fits into the world.

She also feels like the sexual spark she held for me has disappeared and it’s not coming back easily at the moment. She says she wants to be with me but currently doesn’t feel she can work on herself and be living together at the same time.

We’ve been in couple’s therapy and she’s been staying at a friend’s place for a few weeks to get some of her own space. We’ve been seeing each other once a week in that time, and also at therapy sessions.

At the end of the day if she needs some space to grow, I support her in this, and it allows me to do the same. We both hope that some time living in separate spaces will help us as a partnership in the long run after some personal growth. But naturally I’m really concerned for the future and what will happen with us as a couple.

I’m mainly after some female perspective on this as I try and grapple with what’s happening with us. Has anyone been through anything similar?

...oh op please don't play this game. I speak from experience I did this I even Jan exh back twice...doh. there was another ow. I stick in because of his MH...in the end all l did is upset dcs and the pain has taken years to over come as I truely believed what he was saying. Needless to say he's off with new shiny life and we're picking up the pieces. Get tough at least. Good luck

Penny to a pound that during this "self discovery" she has sex with someone else.

Sorry to say but this is most likely the beginning of the end of your marriage.

I've known four couples go through something similar in the past few years (three wives and one husband claiming they 'needed space') and all four had a secret romantic interest in someone else they eventually left their partner for. They all denied, denied, denied there was someone else and eventually claimed the new relationship started later than it actually did. Don't let it drag on to the stage that all your self worth and confidence evaporates. She wants out but she doesn't want to be the bad guy. Just remember that no matter what difficulties she's had in her life, it's okay for you to say that you deserve to be loved and respected. Her feelings do not always come before yours. Xx

I would guess your wife is a lesbian. Many people wait to come out of the closet until a parent who loomed large over their thoughts has passed away.

I was also wondering about the friend she is staying with, and whether she is exploring same-sex attraction with that friend

You do NOT want to be sending your life married to or being with someone who says they have lost the sexual spark with you; as that isn't just tied to libido, it's tied to uattractiveness.

So how (utterly) insulting.

Libido in many women waxes and wanes but attractiveness for their partner never does in a healthy relationship.

You should be in your 'honeymoon' period after just a year of marriage and at it like rabbits!

That would mean children are off the cards in your marriage for starters.

Op, even if you have put on weight, grown a beard, got sick, or even had a minor personality change from.a car crash, your partner would at least be there for you and try to help to be supportive if they truly loved you.

Put yourself first for a change op. This relationship is insulting and humiliating for you and she doesn't deserve you.

I think you should say to her I will wait for you to find your self but I won't wait forever. If she asks how long just shake you head and say you will just know. Then try to leave her be. If she wants to be with you she will and if she doesn't she won't . Do you think you may have smothered her when trying to be supportive. In a way don't do the pick me dance

sounds to me like ending her relationship with her dad has made her examine the rest of her life too. plus marriage does change your view of the relationship. i know it shouldn't, but it did for me. suddenly i'd taken these vows and that was it - for the rest of my life.

i don't necessarily think there's someone else, but i do think she's realised that your marriage isn't what she wants and she is trying to let you down gently.

I was also wondering about the friend she is staying with, and whether she is exploring same-sex attraction with that friend

Yes...
I didn't post it, but it did cross my mind too.
Never discount the female friends.

You're her lifeboat, if her new life doesn't work out. Wouldn't you rather be someone's first choice ?