i have not spoken to husband for 7 days

[Bravenewworld1]

I have not spoken to my husband for exactly one week.both myself and husband work long hours and always seem to be tired. husband has more flexible hours though and so he usually takes kids to school . I work 4 days a week and last week , on my day off, we had a massive row . this is how it started , in the morning I asked him if I could get a lift to the hairdressers which is on the way to the school and he agreed- I don't drive. when we got to the school I took both kids in while he stayed in the car. then when I got back in he drove back down the road towards our house and towards the hairdresser. I asked him to stop so I could run out pop into the hairdressers to see if I could get an appointment that morning. I asked him to wait a minute just in case they were too busy- in which case I could get a lift back home rather than get the bus. he was working from home that day as he had a lot of paper work to catch up on. so I popped into the hairdressers - needless to say the hairdresser was booked up so I headed straight back to where I thought the car was parked I wasn't more that 2 mins. car had gone? I was really confused , I kept on walking up and down as looking for the car. I assumed the car was properly parked when I went out. some of the road you are allowed to park on - and other parts of the road are yellow lined. anyway- I heard him yelling. ' what the hell are you doing ' I think he said. it turns out he had moved the car so it was right outside the hairdressers- so maybe I was wrong about the parking. 'why the hell would you walk back?' he said and was really mean insinuating I was stupid. now he didn't shout but was nasty . it was really unnecessary- then he starting saying something about me making him late when he had so much paper work. now - I am particularly sensitive at the moment as I am weaning myself off antidepressants. so I flipped and started shouting at him- really badly. then he quietly said things like ooh not had any of your chill pills today - that kind of thing. go on shout some more - . since that day we sleep in separate rooms- or I sleep on the sofa and we haven't said more that 5 words to each other. I don't know what to do

Brave if your shouting was nasty abuse I would have a similar opinion to many on here but you were defending yourself against someone who has just treated you like and idiot and followed up by actively goading you.

I'm a bit 😒 at some of the posts here - some people haven't properly read your OP.

Does he goad you a lot and then turn it around on you if you try to defend yourself?

Is he still ignoring you?

As for the burden comments - that's pretty unkind. Marriage isn't supposed to be 'until you become an inconvenience to me' FFS.

I feel a bit worried for you to be honest - I get the feeling him treating you like a pain in the arse isn't a rare occurrence.

2 nights ago I tried again to talk to him. he told me to go away as I have already said in an earlier message however but what I didn't say in the message was all the other things he said after he told me to go away. he told me I was a horrible person . I was horrible to his friends to his family . I am impossible to live with I am a nasty person. I was in tears and he kept repeating it . I really don't think I am like this at al I have lot of friends who say that I am supportive and kind. before this incident we had been getting on fine . I m pretty sure both his friends and family like me they are all lovely to me. the last time we went out with his friends about a month ago, he kicked me under the table (very gently- not enough to hurt or anything) I asked why he was doing this , not quietly but out loud but I didn't say it as accusingly way or an angry way I was just confused- he later said I was hogging the conversation. - now I wasn't cross with him for this-maybe I was speaking a lot that evening- I can talk a lot when I had a couple of glasses of wine- I wasn't drunk just merry . apparently I was horrible for say this out loud and embarrassing him . according to him I ruined the evening but I really thing that everyone had a lovely time . when he said all these things it feels like a total character assassination . now we all say things we don't mean out of anger but he says things like this when he is calm as if he really really means it. he says it as I sob. so its colder and worse than a comment said in the heat of the moment.
I spend that whole evening crying . questioning myself- am I really that bad. on reflection I know I am not. I do have a temper and have said things I don't mean in the heat of an argument so I am not perfect but we don't argue all the time just occasionally, since than he has been sort of nice. he completely tided the house while I was at work. I came home from work late last night and before he went upstairs to bed he said he had cooked a pizza left a piece out for me. however I now don't wont to communicate as I feel so so upset

It sounds tough op!
I hope you're able to chat this weekend.

Even if I was an absolute bastard to my dh, or he was to me (it's never happened, but theoretically) I / he would NEVER mock the other's use of ads. Your h sounds vile. Yes, you made a big mistake yelling at him, but his initial behavior was ridiculous.

Op that was so cruel and he needs to be reminded that he owes you an apology. It's not acceptable to expect to subject someone to a torrent of abuse and then hoover the carpet and expect all to be forgiven and forgotten. I would be extremely upset too in your position. I'm really sorry this is still going on and hope you have a nice distraction planned for your weekend, I think you should treat yourself.

Oh , just saw your latest post.
He's abusive.
I hope you can leave x

Yup, horribly horribly familiar.

OP he is an utter twat. A nasty, vile, psychologically abusive twat.

WOAH. You could actually be writing about my XH.

He winds you up and then stonewalls you because you shouted?

He refuses to engage because you shouted?

He acts like a wounded animal because you shouted and peels away into his own world for days on end making you feel worse and worse and more desperate to try and do anything to just make it right and you're so grateful to him when it's all "blown over"? Check.

Resentment is poison and it'll kill your relationship. Seek help now or get out.

Yes, it is psychological abuse. He is cruel and winding you up. You have two choices - you either say, yes dear, I am stupid and horrible; or you defend yourself. This happens enough times you start to feel panicky when the abuse starts and you defend yourself more loudly and frantically. And then you are the one in the wrong who needs to be shut out. I am astounded at the number of posts defending a man who swears at his wife and calls her stupid for not seeing a car immediately, after he has moved it.

Like Banty and Cocoa I recognise this as psychological abuse. Deliberately winding you up by telling you off for not seeing the car and then criticising you for reacting.
Telling you you are a horrible person will be really upsetting but just because he said it doesn't mean it's true. It sounds like more of the same unkindness and nastiness you are coming to expect from him.
Sometimes a person verbally attacks their partner to justify to themselves having someone else in the wings. I really hope this isn't the case here.

He saying very hurtful and cruel things to you, when he deigns to speak. Do you think your marriage has any future? Personally I would be wondering what he is doing with me if he has such opinions about me.

I'm also seriously concerned about the effect on the children of such long periods of their parents not talking.