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Original poster

Never saying 'goodnight' to partner and marriage plodding along

67 replies

stupid123 · 08/10/2016 22:11

It suddenly hit me today that we have never said goodnight when lights out for a year or more. Is this a big deal?

It was only when a friend asked this today that it hit home it does not happen. We share a bed and a cuddle some nights and some chat last thing at night, but books get put down and lights go out and no consideration to wish 'sweet dreams' etc.

Just wondered if this is odd?

Seems the norm to me and not a big deal.

Granted our relationship of 20 years is just plodding along. Not miserable but not hugely happy either. Just ok.
Should I say 'goodnight' at lights out in an hour?
Will it seem fake and forced?
And does it even matter!?

OP posts:
MohammedLover · 08/10/2016 22:38

I can't remember the last time we did this. I like the idea, it was the sort of thing my grandparents did. However, I tend to forget at lights out!
A kiss on the way out in the morning is a must though.

useyourimagination · 08/10/2016 22:39

Always say it. Every night unless one of us has gone up already and fallen asleep.

Penfold007 · 08/10/2016 22:43

My H says good night but I'm a hit the pillow sleep type. We seem to manage

Jinglebellsandv0dka · 08/10/2016 22:45

Just say it if you mean it. It won't do any harm.

In fact say one nice thing to him a day for a week to see what the response is.

IsNotGold · 08/10/2016 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marmalade85 · 08/10/2016 22:48

Say it as you might not wake up in the morning.

cauliflowercheese14 · 08/10/2016 23:04

Never say it - unless I am going upstairs to bed and he's not. Doesn't matter a bit! I say it to the kids when I'm settling them but that's as its part of the routine. What does matter is that you say you're unhappy.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 09/10/2016 00:07

Never say goodnight. Never say goodbye when leaving. I never get a cup of tea in the morning, although I sometimes get one in the evening and I make him one. Didn't get a card or present for my 40th last year but he will pay for meals out and stuff. We're not very conventional but we rub along.

maras2 · 09/10/2016 02:34

Married for 41 years.Kiss and cuddle and say goodnight,sleep tight every night whether doing other stuff or not Smile.Since we retired a couple of years ago we ,for some reason,wake up holding hands.A bit like those otters you see on youtube Smile.The reason for the late posting is our youngest DGC is staying the night and is due a feed very soon.Life is good.

NoMudNoLotus · 09/10/2016 03:42

Maras that is beautiful.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/10/2016 06:08

Always a kiss and "love you" here. But I would miss the morning kiss more if that went away.

SnaggleBeast · 09/10/2016 06:11

What a cheery thought, marmalade.

hesterton · 09/10/2016 06:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ragwort · 09/10/2016 07:02

We always say 'good night' to each other - before we head off to our separate bedrooms (married 28 years) Grin.

cherrytree63 · 09/10/2016 07:15

IsNotGold....
How very sad for you, hope you're ok.
We only say goodnight if we're going up at different times. But we rarely share a bed these days because of his drinking.

Blerg · 09/10/2016 07:18

We day goodnight and kiss, together 16 years.

We also say'good luck' because we are responsible for a small DC each over night 😄

daisychain01 · 09/10/2016 07:28

Actually, take note of marmalade's comment. I left for work one day and my DH died suddenly.

Honestly, don't be " naaaah that could never happen to me". Where do you think the expression " don't let the sun go down on a quarrel" came from? Hint: statistically, so many people die in their sleep.

Just saying.

I am blessed to have a wonderful DH second time round and guess what, we say goodnight every night Smile in fact my outlook since my late DH has changed for the better, enjoy each day like its the last.

daisychain01 · 09/10/2016 07:30

Thank God the last words me and DH said to each other were I love you....

Laineymc7 · 09/10/2016 08:14

We always say good night but we both work shifts so slip out quietly in the morning so to not wake the other up. No morning good byes or talking unless we are both up. Sleep is precious.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 09/10/2016 13:22

Ooh, separate rooms...

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 09/10/2016 19:42

Like Ragwort, but 27 years in our case. And I could die at work; it's not a profession with many retirement parties.

hollyisalovelyname · 09/10/2016 19:57

IsNotGold
I hope you are ok.
I remember seeing a couple I knew. All lovey dovey. Wistfully thinking if only dh was more like that.
Turns out the husband was having an affair.
The wife was lovely but was left up sh*t creek without a paddle.
OP different strokes for different folks

MedicGirl · 09/10/2016 20:04

Yes you should always say goodnight incase one of you dies in the night. It'll make all the difference in the months that follow. ;)

Daydream007 · 09/10/2016 20:08

Don't worry, that's very normal.You said that you share a bed and cuddle some nights and chat, you are both clearly close to one another still so don't worry. If it bothers you about not saying goodnight then just say it - tonight.

cauliflowercheese14 · 09/10/2016 20:10

Would it really though? I don't think I'd be beating myself up for that in the face of such tragedy. I hope I'd see things more as that I was happy we had had a happy decade together rather than whether I'd said goodnight to him or not.