Never saying 'goodnight' to partner and marriage plodding along

[stupid123]

It suddenly hit me today that we have never said goodnight when lights out for a year or more. Is this a big deal?

It was only when a friend asked this today that it hit home it does not happen. We share a bed and a cuddle some nights and some chat last thing at night, but books get put down and lights go out and no consideration to wish 'sweet dreams' etc.

Just wondered if this is odd?

Seems the norm to me and not a big deal.

Granted our relationship of 20 years is just plodding along. Not miserable but not hugely happy either. Just ok.
Should I say 'goodnight' at lights out in an hour?
Will it seem fake and forced?
And does it even matter!?

Admirable perseverance notstupid. We can tell you are trying so hard to make the relationship last, even if your DH can't.

..... it is my New Years resolution to improve this 'dull as dishwater' marriage.

Starting with simple step of caring courtesy 'night night' at lights out (incidently still ignored as she has head in a book for 45 minutes every night)

(I am a bloke, just to clarify)

Well done you !!!

A little post it note in her book might be a good thing to try too ! Us ladies love little surprises like that !! Keeps us happy !

Have fun re finding each other !

(Married 20 something years !)

Try a silly pet name? every night I try and come up with something new (although 4 years in I'm remixing some of the classics) mostly just to provoke a reaction and make DP laugh

Snuggle penguin
Angel fish
Love sausage
Sex monkey
Cuddle otter
Treacle pony
Sugar muffin

The list goes on...

No good nights here. No hand holding, no cuddles, no anything. 30 years married next year. Dead in the water.

Can a marriage survive no physical affection at all?
What is the point really? Sorry to be negative.

26 years together
Even if we are in a bad mood with each other (rarely) we huff a good night at each other even if it has been abbreviated to (grunt) 'night.
Normally it's the pair of us will say night to each other then i will waffle some random nonsense and he'll say ' for gods sake will you stop waffling!!!"

Always have a cuddle and kiss at night. Say night / see you in the morning etc. I often lay awake for a while on my iPad while dh falls asleep and legs are intertwined. Until I get too hot! Twenty one years together.

Come to think of it, I only say goodnight to those I won't be sharing a room / bed with.

E.g. when my (grown-up) daughter is home, I'll say goodnight to her, as she obviously sleeps in her own room. But if we're away somewhere and staying in the same hotel room, I won't.

My husband is on permanent earlies so usually goes to bed before me and gets up while I'm still asleep (if I'm lucky and don't wake up) so before he heads off upstairs we generally say 'See you tomorrow'. At weekends, if we go to bed at the same time, I don't say goodnight - if I did he'd probably think something was wrong.

Always say goodnight and kiss, it's one of our things

Off time we haven't is alcohol related!

That is clever idea handful of posts above :-

" little post it note in her book might be a good thing to try too ! Us ladies love little surprises like that "

Update.......

never worked.
Alot of good ideas but the willingness just now there from my wife. Just seems grumpy and prefers head in a book and lights out and to ignore any quiet chat.

Dont want to sound over dramatic, but a real empty feeling each night at the silence as I try nod off.

We always have a cuddle and kiss and say goodnight, wish each other sweet dreams. Don't you want to be affectionate OP? If not why not? If you do want to be affectionate then start saying goodnight yourself- if your heart is in it

Do you say nice things at other times too? Eg 'lovely to see you' and a hug when she gets in, 'have a nice day' with a kiss goodbye when she goes out?

Until recently I would always give a kiss goodnight before going up, if I was going up earlier than dh. But not now. That's not good, is it?
I will correct that!!

We keep different hours as we both work shifts. When he comes to bed and cuddles me and starts chatting I tell him to shut up as I am asleep. Especially if he is warming cold feet on me