Never saying 'goodnight' to partner and marriage plodding along

[stupid123]

It suddenly hit me today that we have never said goodnight when lights out for a year or more. Is this a big deal?

It was only when a friend asked this today that it hit home it does not happen. We share a bed and a cuddle some nights and some chat last thing at night, but books get put down and lights go out and no consideration to wish 'sweet dreams' etc.

Just wondered if this is odd?

Seems the norm to me and not a big deal.

Granted our relationship of 20 years is just plodding along. Not miserable but not hugely happy either. Just ok.
Should I say 'goodnight' at lights out in an hour?
Will it seem fake and forced?
And does it even matter!?

I don't think I'd be beating myself up for that in the face of such tragedy. I hope I'd see things more as that I was happy we had had a happy decade together rather than whether I'd said goodnight to him or not.

Believe me, when it actually happens, it's a "thank goodness the last words were loving" versus OMG we could have gone to sleep pissed off at each other

Sorry for your loss daisychain and sorry if I sounded insensitive, yes I agree it would be dreadful if your last words to someone were harsh ones. What I meant was that just because you don't actually say 'goodnight' doesn't mean you've gone to sleep on bad terms.

Hey cauliflower definitely no offence taken, and I agree that saying goodnight (or not) in the grand scheme of life is no big show stopper! I found myself clutching at straws and asking myself, did he really know I loved him, and it helped a lot that we had uttered those words.

But we can't go through life covering every eventuality otherwise it becomes a complete pain for the other person (I do have to give my head a wobble sometimes so I don't go OTT

"We just rub along"....don't we all!

Let's face it marriage is dull as dishwater for many people as the years go by. I suppose a few kind words never hurt anyone but it's not a biggie!

If it means a lot to you, then just say it, but I don't think it is necessarily a 'telling thing' about a relationship (as demonstrated above).

If one of us had gone to bed early, it would be very annoying to be woken by the other coming up later just so they could say goodnight!

"marriage is dull as dishwater for many people"

well put :-)

OK, gonna try the 'goodnight' tonight and next few nights and see if I get a smile etc.

It no worky!!

. Keep trying 123 < can't call you stupid and you sound very nice > Best of luck.

for you Isnotgold

I worry that we don't do this type of thing enough.

Are you thinking about this because you want things to change with your DH - to reconnect, have more affection and intimacy as things are just plodding along?

My dh was my first love and I always wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Unfortunately I don't know if I can stand being in such a marriage forever. There's just not a lot of affection anymore. I feel taken for granted. After a while you begin to wonder why you would want to stay like this or whether it would be worth calling it a day and starting again. There's no guarantee I'd meet anyone better is there? I might be on my own for years, if not the rest of my life. Which is better, having a partner who takes you for granted or being on your own?

I would choose being on my own every time. There is hope and joy and possibilities that way, an ambivalent relationship is a path to despair. I have done both.

MsAdora Being on your own.
When you are married you are two steps away from finding someone who values you.
When you are single you are one step away and in a position to embrace new possibilities.
As the saying goes, this is it. Your life isn't a dress rehearsal.

I think you're right.

Married nearly 30 years. No cuddles, kisses,handholding, goodnights or love you.
It's all a bit pointless really.

I'm sorry dementedma. We were mis-sold the fairytale when we were young.
I would like to encourage you to be brave and make your own happy ending.

Thank you running I appreciate that. And I will, one day!

I will say good night again tonight.....
as Mara2 said,

I shall keep trying :-)

Night babe

Night babe

Zzzzzzz

There is no need to ration nice stuff

Daisychain I think you should have the last word on this

I always say "Goodbye/Night" and "Love You" with my wife and kids.

Though we have got to the stage where my daughter says it if she's going to the toilet so...

123 That's the spirit

Still silent response at lights out.
I shall keep trying a 'night night' next few nights.