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Original poster

my brother and sister are preventing me from seeing my niece

63 replies

preventedfrombeinganauntie · 07/02/2007 17:49

I have a niece who is nearly a year old. When she was born I went to the hospital to see her, we saw her again when she was 6 weeks old, and haven?t seen her again since then. We live about 60 miles from my brother/sil but we go to football every other weekends and the weekends we are at home we feel is our time and so really don?t want to be bothered to travel. But my brother/sil haven?t been to see us either and I feel they should be making more of an effort for us to have a relationship with our niece.

Last weekend we were all at my parents and of course dn was with my bro/sil, but I felt that they were constantly preventing me from getting anywhere near her. When I arrived I went to talk to my mum in the kitchen. We were in there for about 20 minutes and then I thought it would be nice to go and see my niece as haven?t seen her for so long, but when I went into the lounge bro informed me that dn was going for her bath. I felt very put out about this as I haven?t seen her for so long, but they?re so insistant on a bedtime routine that it?s actually annoying. After she?d had her bath I was doing something else, and before I knew it dn was being brought to ?say goodnight to everyone?. They weren?t even prepared to put back her bedtime so I could see her.

We all stayed overnight and the next morning I got up at about 10:00 and dn was playing on the floor. I did kind of hope that she would instantly come to me but she didn?t so I went over and picked her up. She started crying and sil informed me that she was tired and wanted to have a nap as she?d been up since 6. sil picked her up and carried her off upstairs. We had to go after that so I didn?t get to see her again. I was very upset when we left. I feel that they are preventing me from getting close to her and I really want to be a good auntie to her.

The trouble is that my bro/sil seem to have become incredibly selfish since dn was born. Their lives seem to revolve around her and they haven?t made any time for us. And they pander to her so much, as soon as she cries one of them is there. Surely this isn?t right?

My dh mentioned to bro that he?d upset me but he says I?m being selfish. But I don?t think so.

OP posts:

Original poster

preventedfrombeinganauntie · 07/02/2007 17:51

my bro also said that, in his opinion, I hadn't shown any interest in dn since I saw her when she was 6 weeks old but surely it should come from them as well and they should be making more of an effort?

I don't have children but I have babysat for friends so feel I do know a bit about babies.

OP posts:

homemama · 07/02/2007 17:55

Surely you're joking!?!

Hulababy · 07/02/2007 17:57

I think you are being unreasonable, sorry.

Of course their lives have changed - they have a baby to take care of and she is still only very tiny as a year old! She should be their priority.

For little ones bath/bedtime routines are often things parents don't like to change. many babies thrive on a set routine. To mess with that wcan mess the routines up for days.

If you had been so keen to spend time with your niece you could have gone in to see her immediately on arriving, rather than well into your visit.

She cried when you picked her up, as she didn't know you - this age is a very common age for stranger anxieties. Also, chances are she would be tired - babies of this age still have two naps a day - one in the morning and one in the afternoon. So, after 4 hours of being awake it is highly likely she was shattered. Again, you could have gotten up earlier if it was so important to you, or checked with the parents beforehand what her naptimes might be so you could avoif them.

60 miles is ot a long way to go to visit family. Id o agree however that it would be nice for your brother and SIl to make the effort as well.

SherlockLGJ · 07/02/2007 17:58

I shall watch this thread with interest,on the laptop in my truck whilst munching on Yorkie bar.

Sobernow · 07/02/2007 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Glassofwine · 07/02/2007 18:00

Troll surely

homemama · 07/02/2007 18:01

Actually, maybe you're my SIL

We're mean relatives who don't let family keep our kids up past midnight either!

alittlebitshy · 07/02/2007 18:01

i think the key there might be in "i don't have kids". it's not knowing about babies, it's possibly respecing their way of doing things. that might help with being a good aunty. it's not all about cuddles with the baby.

i wouldn't change our routine for anyone (other than if dd needed it) when she was teeny.

and to be fair, it is quite reasonable for a baby to have a nap at 10am, maybe you could have got up earlier had you wanted to see her?!

munz · 07/02/2007 18:05

oh FGS, once you have a child you will understand you're joking surely?

if someone asked my to put j's bed time back it's tough, when DB and SIL come it's my rules or no rules, infact PIL have only seen J 4 time since he was born as we cna't get up to them, but even when they come it's our rules. seriously you should make more of an effort. if you do then maybe they will a bit more.

maybe if you try they might be more willing - for a start why didn't you offer to help with bathing? I always offer for PIL to do bathing, or MI(L picks J up from naps, also he's clingy as well so u can't expect a child who doens't know u to go straight to you when you pick them up cos honestly J woun't do it with ppl he sees week in week out.

being a parent does change you sorry but it's a fact, my world revolves around J and what he is/shgould be doing at set times of the day, DH's worlkd does as well it's jsut the way things are in this house and if that makes me a boring person so be it but at elast my son always know his routein and when he shoudl/shouldn'tbe doing things.

donnie · 07/02/2007 18:07

oh trip trap city.

"Their lives seem to revolve around her"

got it in one.

Either you are just trolling or you are dim.

YeahBut · 07/02/2007 18:08

Original poster

preventedfrombeinganauntie · 07/02/2007 18:10

no I'm not a troll. I know about judge flounce, about the fox threads, about lavendar. I know cod is a magistrate, do you need any more cridentials?

I have friends who take their babies everywhere. if they want to go to restaurants they just take the kids in the buggy and if they want to sleep then they can sleep in the buggy. I really can't see how a baby should be allowed to change your life like that.

OP posts:

batters · 07/02/2007 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piglit · 07/02/2007 18:11

Why don't you come back and post when you've had children? Then we can talk sensibly.

donnie · 07/02/2007 18:11

you are not funny.

Sobernow · 07/02/2007 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

munz · 07/02/2007 18:12

oh fgs

'And they pander to her so much, as soon as she cries one of them is there. Surely this isn?t right? '

the point you are missing here is this is their child there's this is their way of doing things and they certianly won't apprciate a SIL thinking she knows better trying to tell them how to raise thier child. esp when she doen'st have one herself.

Merlin · 07/02/2007 18:12

Hello, wake up and smell the coffee ................. babies DO change your life and you won't realise to what extent until you have one yourself.

If you're that keen to see your neice then make the effort FGS.

donnie · 07/02/2007 18:13

I think they should leave the baby in the garden if it cries.

piglit · 07/02/2007 18:13

In the snow....

wheresthehamster · 07/02/2007 18:14

But Munz she does know about better than her sil because she's done some babysitting.

donnie · 07/02/2007 18:14

so they can sleep in till 10am!

munz · 07/02/2007 18:15

LMAO! well I think they should feed her coke and chocolate, infact lets make it red bull so she stays awake long enough to see everyone.

munz · 07/02/2007 18:15

ah well that's alright then! lol.

donnie · 07/02/2007 18:15

oh yes the babysitting. Very hands on....

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