my brother and sister are preventing me from seeing my niece

[preventedfrombeinganauntie]

I have a niece who is nearly a year old. When she was born I went to the hospital to see her, we saw her again when she was 6 weeks old, and haven?t seen her again since then. We live about 60 miles from my brother/sil but we go to football every other weekends and the weekends we are at home we feel is our time and so really don?t want to be bothered to travel. But my brother/sil haven?t been to see us either and I feel they should be making more of an effort for us to have a relationship with our niece.

Last weekend we were all at my parents and of course dn was with my bro/sil, but I felt that they were constantly preventing me from getting anywhere near her. When I arrived I went to talk to my mum in the kitchen. We were in there for about 20 minutes and then I thought it would be nice to go and see my niece as haven?t seen her for so long, but when I went into the lounge bro informed me that dn was going for her bath. I felt very put out about this as I haven?t seen her for so long, but they?re so insistant on a bedtime routine that it?s actually annoying. After she?d had her bath I was doing something else, and before I knew it dn was being brought to ?say goodnight to everyone?. They weren?t even prepared to put back her bedtime so I could see her.

We all stayed overnight and the next morning I got up at about 10:00 and dn was playing on the floor. I did kind of hope that she would instantly come to me but she didn?t so I went over and picked her up. She started crying and sil informed me that she was tired and wanted to have a nap as she?d been up since 6. sil picked her up and carried her off upstairs. We had to go after that so I didn?t get to see her again. I was very upset when we left. I feel that they are preventing me from getting close to her and I really want to be a good auntie to her.

The trouble is that my bro/sil seem to have become incredibly selfish since dn was born. Their lives seem to revolve around her and they haven?t made any time for us. And they pander to her so much, as soon as she cries one of them is there. Surely this isn?t right?

My dh mentioned to bro that he?d upset me but he says I?m being selfish. But I don?t think so.

my brother is single and he loves his nephews.doesnt see much of them because we live quite far apart. he will be 40 this year and just doesnt get kids at all. it makes me laugh to watch him when ds1 is chattering non-stop (esp through dr who!)the constant noise and mess in the hose etc. but i dont change the routine for his visits he has to blen in with our routine.

Often, but had to put my twopenn'orth in...

I have a cold so forgive me if I am missing some major points of this thread but...

when dh's brother and gf had a baby, we'd trek up once a week at least to see them.
when we had our dd three years later, they do not come to see us and often moan we haven't been to see them.

I have to say even though my sil already had her 2 dd's she didn't agree with the routine we had with our dd. But we had to keep to a quite strict routine, because if we didn't make sure she had her naps during the day she would wake up every hour through the night.

preventedfrombeinganauntie when you have children you can then come on here and tell us how the child has fitted into your routine and you haven't changed anything in your day to day life.

Message withdrawn

I think you might be a troll though, because you say you cant be bothered to travel to see your niece, because you go to the football. As hunkermunker says, you can be <span class="italic">that</span> dim as to think it would be okay to say this on <strong>Mums</strong>net. Go to a football chat community, and Im sure youll find people whod agree that your brother is being unreasonable. Come on here though, and, well....

But I still agree with Pruni, it sounds like a reasonable-ish post for someone with no experience of kids. Prevented, you are basically in the wrong here. I didn`t know this four months ago, but if you stimulate a child when its time for her nap, it turns into a bloody nightmare.

over here too Pruni

I wasnt that bad though.

i don't think it should be down to them to visit you. they have a baby. its much harder for them to come and see you. 60 miles isn't far. it probably only takes an hour!

i could understand they should make more of an effort if you were bothered that you hadn't seen them, but when its the baby you want to see, she can't really want to see you so you should go and see her as you want to see her not the other way around.

I have a couple of questions:
Why are you on mumsnet?
Presumably you speak to your mum on the phone, you don't need to catch up for 20 minutes in the kitchen, if you wanted to see your niece sooo much you'd have gone straight to her, no?
I think you're probably a troll or finding it hard to accept that someone else gets all the attention.
When you have kids you'll realise how selfish your post is, and no doubt we'll find you on the AIBU threads.

Add me to the list of people who should read all the thread. Didn't surprise me tho' that your SIL said this, course it'll all be forgotten if she has kids. I didn't find my IL's kids very interesting or make much of an effort, when they had them but I was only 18 at the time, I had better things to do!
Sobernow how you didn't throttle your IL is a mystery to me

LOL @ this thread
Hands up who hasn't seen that Wannabe has confessed to being "Preventedfrombeinganauntie"?

My friends' BIL came to visit from SE Asia where he lives and he behaved exactly like this.

He wanted to make all arrangements to suit him and threw his toys out of the pram (ho ho) when his plans clashed with his niece's naps, playgroup, nursery etc times. He ended up barely speaking to her parents.

ROFLMAO!! But the thing is, there are people like that.
I have to say, please don't tar all pre-kid people by the same brush, we're not all that dense
Though admittedly, I have a 6 year old dss who I've known since he was 6months old, and he HATES any upset to his routine!