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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

my brother and sister are preventing me from seeing my niece

63 replies

preventedfrombeinganauntie · 07/02/2007 17:49

I have a niece who is nearly a year old. When she was born I went to the hospital to see her, we saw her again when she was 6 weeks old, and haven?t seen her again since then. We live about 60 miles from my brother/sil but we go to football every other weekends and the weekends we are at home we feel is our time and so really don?t want to be bothered to travel. But my brother/sil haven?t been to see us either and I feel they should be making more of an effort for us to have a relationship with our niece.

Last weekend we were all at my parents and of course dn was with my bro/sil, but I felt that they were constantly preventing me from getting anywhere near her. When I arrived I went to talk to my mum in the kitchen. We were in there for about 20 minutes and then I thought it would be nice to go and see my niece as haven?t seen her for so long, but when I went into the lounge bro informed me that dn was going for her bath. I felt very put out about this as I haven?t seen her for so long, but they?re so insistant on a bedtime routine that it?s actually annoying. After she?d had her bath I was doing something else, and before I knew it dn was being brought to ?say goodnight to everyone?. They weren?t even prepared to put back her bedtime so I could see her.

We all stayed overnight and the next morning I got up at about 10:00 and dn was playing on the floor. I did kind of hope that she would instantly come to me but she didn?t so I went over and picked her up. She started crying and sil informed me that she was tired and wanted to have a nap as she?d been up since 6. sil picked her up and carried her off upstairs. We had to go after that so I didn?t get to see her again. I was very upset when we left. I feel that they are preventing me from getting close to her and I really want to be a good auntie to her.

The trouble is that my bro/sil seem to have become incredibly selfish since dn was born. Their lives seem to revolve around her and they haven?t made any time for us. And they pander to her so much, as soon as she cries one of them is there. Surely this isn?t right?

My dh mentioned to bro that he?d upset me but he says I?m being selfish. But I don?t think so.

OP posts:

homemama · 07/02/2007 18:17

oh dear, if you're not a troll then you're incredibly naive and selfish.

Maybe you'd have more sympathy on stupidauntiesnet.com

piglit · 07/02/2007 18:18

lol @ homemama!

hunkermunker · 07/02/2007 18:18

If you know that much about MN, you'll know that posting as you have done is going to get backs up.

Therefore you are either incredibly dim (verging on criminally so) or you are doing this for a larf.

Tell you what, you make the effort to go and see your niece, get to know what her routine is, etc and don't criticise or stamp your feet when her life isn't disrupted for your own convenience, then you'll be being reasonable.

Until then, you ABU, I'm afraid.

As well you know, unless for reasons of dimwittery as cited above.

As for "having a baby shouldn't change your life" - you can't know this till you've had babies, I'm afraid.

Now run along before I really am rude to you

Chandra · 07/02/2007 18:19

This is the sort of post that you would laugh of when you get children

peachygirl · 07/02/2007 18:20

Sometimes you have to accept this is how it is.
When my second neice was born we went round and I had to ask to hold her after being there for over 2 hours It was as if it never occured to my BIL/SIL that I would want to hold her. When they were little my SIL never encouraged my neices to come to us or encouraged them to tell us about the thngs they had been doing and even now they do not kiss us goodbye nor are they asked/ encouraged to. This is completely different to how I was bought up and how I will bring my child up
It is important that little ones have a routine but at the end of the day you Bro and SIL lives should revolve round their child.
Now my neices are older things are very different they chat to me about lots of things and I know they are excited about the new baby I am expecting.
Get a grip and be patient, it won't always be like this.

Sobernow · 07/02/2007 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hunkermunker · 07/02/2007 18:22

Sobernow!

That's appalling!

munz · 07/02/2007 18:25

they're really women like this then in RL?

JARM · 07/02/2007 18:25

oi munz, nowt wrong with coke and chocolate

seriously tho - get a grip, if you want to see your niece, try arranging a time when it isnt in the middle of bath time or nap time! Try TALKING to your SIL and come to an agreement.

bubblerock · 07/02/2007 18:28

I can't wait until my brother and sil have children, they haven't got a clue

SecondhandRose · 07/02/2007 18:30

Do you smoke? Could it something as simple as that?

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 07/02/2007 18:33

ok I confess...
but it wasn't a wind-up thread, it was an actual recount of what happened with my sil when my ds was just under a year old. God's honest truth it happened just as was said in the op, but I thought I'd post from her perspective as opposed to a "was I in the wrong" style iyswim. To this day my dh still thinks we are still in part responsible for there being no relationship between sil and ds, and yet that was exactly how she behaved. not only that, but when dh explained to her that ds had been hungry on the way home on the train she said "well that's your fault for always giving him his tea at the same time - he should be able to adapt".

Sobernow · 07/02/2007 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SecondhandRose · 07/02/2007 18:35

Eh? I think I'll sort the tea.

Aloha · 07/02/2007 18:35

We live about 60 miles from my brother/sil but we go to football every other weekends and the weekends we are at home we feel is our time and so really don?t want to be bothered to travel. But my brother/sil haven?t been to see us either and I feel they should be making more of an effort for us to have a relationship with our niece.

Right, so you 'can't be bothered', even though it is easy and pleasant for two adults to sit in a car for a few hours, chatting and listening to music, yet they are the ones 'preventing' you seeing you neice because they don't fancy the idea of travelling 120 miles WITH A BABY! You are either completely insane and totally self-absorbed....or you are even now applying your knuckle gel...

munz · 07/02/2007 18:35

a 1 year old doesn't adapt they don't understand how to. (or that might just be my parenting skills with J)

Aloha · 07/02/2007 18:36

Oops!

bubblerock · 07/02/2007 18:38

Wannabe - do they have children now?

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 07/02/2007 18:42

Sobernow that is absolutely shocking! I thought my sil was a piece of work but that's horrendous. and you still speak to her ... why?

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 07/02/2007 18:43

no bubblerock they don't, and they still don't have a clue. actually they've seen ds maybe 8 times since that incident, and he just can't stand sil, and it's not something I've encouraged iykwim.

Sobernow · 07/02/2007 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chandra · 07/02/2007 19:46

My SIL has some interesting ideas on child rearing too. Smacking a months old baby because he doesn't want to eat would be enough to sort him up, etc.

Interesting thing is, that now that she is getting married, she has decided a "children orientated wedding": all children to sit together at the same remote table (they are between 2 and 8 yrs old), a 6 yrs old is presumely composing a poem for the wedding which a 5 year old would read to the 100 people attending. DS, who shuts down and panics at too many eyes focused on him has been selected to bring the rings... and to make the matter worse she is such a perfectionist that she even put polyfilla to holes made by staples on a wall...

Someway I imagine DS and myself getting a cab to leave the place when she explodes because DS didn't do things exactly as she was expecting.

Chandra · 07/02/2007 19:50

I think that makes all the difference Sobernow, that she is at least kind. That always makes you wonder if they said something nasty just because they are tactless rather than because they are nasty...

Catbabymummy · 07/02/2007 20:06

Want to say, that I don't have kids either (working on it) and I agree - sorry auntie but you ARE being unreasonable.
You should have greeted your niece as soon as you walk in, and don't you know babies always wake up early!

belgo · 07/02/2007 20:07

catbabymummy - ever get the feeling you should read the whole thread before posting?

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