Does my fella need help or should I run for the hills?

[Francescabear22]

Hi everyone, I'm so confused and don't know what to do ! I've been with my husband for 7 years and married for just 2 of them . First 5 years was great he would do anything for me. We loved each other a lot although he told me one day that he had been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive personality disorder before we met but that he had taken prozac and received CBT for it and felt it was under control. He was rigid about time keeping cleaning and his career but was still very loving . However after our wedding 2 years ago he has left me 3 times for having a minor disagreement the 2nd time was over silly things like the dog having no water when he came home from work he said I was making him deeply unhappy and he left he got a flat . The night before the dog water incident he had asked where I fancied going for a nice weekend??? Then left the next day and actually got a flat 2 weeks later he asked could we work towards reconnecting and he would give up the flat if it worked I said yes . It was hard it would upset me when he went home and I would lie in my marital bed and cry ! My husband who I love so very much has got a flat !!!!!!! I couldn't understand why! If I got upset to him he would say you are making the chances of this working out very slim you need to stop it . So I would dry my eyes and shut up. Just 5 weeks ago we had a fabulous 2 weeks away on returning he texted me to say " hey sweetcheeks my sexy soul mate what do you want to do for your birthday " which was to be 3 days later. The next day we had a small row about the flat . He walked out of my house the next morning I received a text saying "you argued with me for 20 minutes last night and I fear you will just be the death of me this marriage is over don't contact me ever again and sure enough he would not take my calls. I've just received a letter in the post off him saying I'm so very sorry I do this to you all the time I do not know why I do it you are the best thing that's ever happened to me but I have this black and white thing going on that when it's good I'm great and then for the slightest reason I can't cope and it all feels so bad . I've not responded as I can't work out is this man unwell is this OCPD or narcissim or is he just a cheeky sod and I'm better off moving on .thanks so much if you reply with any advice x

Thank you x feel like I miss the good times today .

That's normal. People like him really take up a lot of 'headspace' as well as time and effort. So when you banish them from your life you have quite a bit of 'room to fill', iyswim. Too much time to think. It's really important to try and keep busy. Even if it's cleaning a closet or sorting out clothes. Read, find a series on Netflix to get involved in. Above all, get out of the house. If you can visit or be with others, that's best. If not, walk. Visit gardens or museums. Go to the movies. I did a lot of 'window-shopping', looking at clothing and things I really couldn't afford but loved to look at or try on. I also started cooking more complicated recipes with fiddly instructions. Consider volunteering on a short team basis.

There's really nothing wrong with remembering the good times. As long as you also remember that, whilst they were good, they probably weren't the 'truth' as he was wearing his 'good boy' cloak to keep you on the line and doing what he wanted.

I've just finished season 3 of bates motel on Netflix !fabulous . I'm not great yet at going out always feel like I want to scurry home and hibernate . I'm off work but will look to go back soon ... hope you are OK acrossthepond x

I'm great. This was decades ago and I'm well recovered! And married (going on 30 years) and two grown lovely sons (one married). DH and I are both retired now and enjoying our 'second childhood' of time together and traveling.

So see, it all does have a happy ending! As a former instructor of mine used to say "When you're standing shoulder deep in horse shit, remember there's a pony in there somewhere. So just keep digging for that pony!!"

You'll find your pony, trust me!

Oh I adore that saying it's fabulous "when your standing shoulder deep in horse shit remember there's a pony in there somewhere" brilliant!!!!