My partner of three months says he loves and adores me but doesn't find me attractive all the time. Is this normal?

[Crazyhairlady76]

Hi! My partner of three months has said he loves me and wants to be with me but that he doesn't find me attractive all the time. I feel quite upset by this. Am I being too sensitive or is that normal so early on in a relationship?

Sounds like a red flag to me!!
What does he not find attractive?

Surely you don't really need to ask? How can you love someone after 3 months? Dump him and find someone who is attracted to you

After 3 months?! I'm not surprised you ate hurt, that was not a nice thing to say.

He won't specify just that sometimes he looks at me and doesn't find me attractive.

WTF?

Dump this game-playing dickhead immediately.

My dh tells me all the time I am gorgeous. . I know I am not but glad I am to him. If I wasn't is there really any point??

Oh that's really mean. I really don't think that's a nice thing to say to someone and it must make you feel awful. Also I can't see how that will ever get better if that's only 3 months in?

Someone who feels the need to tell you after 3 months that he does not always find you attractive is doing it for a reason...

Doesn't sound like he is getting ready to ditch you, and I am afraid the likely alternative is that he wants you to doubt your own ability of attracting a man and feel grateful that he is ready to take you on.

What?!

After 3 months he should find you attractive even at your worst! He should be wanting to rip your clothes off all the time and think you're the sexiest thing since sliced bread.

If you can't wow someone 3 months in they're not worth wowing.

What a grade-A arsehole.

Close the door on that one. Block, delete etc.

He's trying to erode your confidence, LTB.

Eh?... and you're still with him???

This is a red flag with blinking red lights and warning bells. Go find what you deserve, it ain't this darling.

This sounds like that "negging" thing I think?

Not normal. And not nice.

Thanks everyone I know you are all right. It's my first relationship since separating from my husband 18 months ago and feeling a bit vulnerable.

Tell him to fuck off cheeky fukker

Allow me to translate:
"I love you but sometimes I dont tnbink your attractive"
Means:
"I want to have sex with you but only when youre dressed a certain way, of you don't dress how I want you to then I'm not interested. In will say I love you in the hopes that its the carrot that I can dangle to make you stick around"

Tell him the slightly twee and clichéd,
'If you do t want me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best'

(Fwiw, I've been with my gf 5years and I'm probably more attracted to her now, even if she is currently wearing PJs with custard stains down the front, no make up, hair looking like she's been in a wind tunnel etc, means fuck and shit to me, she's still gorgeous)

I think in telling you that he is a prick!! Normally I wake up looking like some kind of zombie scarecrow and dp will always tell me I'm beautiful . Clearly lying but he wouldn't ever say anything hurtful to me . My wanker ex on the other hand had no such reservations commenting negatively about my appearance .

Even if he is just genuinely feeling that and isn't a complete prick but let's say not very tactful , it doesn't bode well that at only 3 months in he is feeling this . Sorry op

He needs to be got rid of but you need to say something about the way he looks before you do it. He's got a bloody nerve and needs to be taught a lesson!

Why on EARTH would he need to tell you apart from to be cruel?!

Dump him fast.

Agree with above. Why is he telling you this? It's normal to find your lover sexier sometimes but to tell your lover they are sometimes unattractive is cruel and sounds like someone not that in to you unfortunately

The more I fall for someone the hotter they get even if their physical attributes where not what I would go for. May be its a trick of the mind but the more mentally attracted I am to someone the more physically attracted I am too. I would literally want to snog the face off, make endless love to and never let go of a Vicky Pollard lookalike if I was to fall in love with them even looking their worse (I know shut up, right). I guess that's why they say love is blind.

It don't sound like love to me.

It sounds like head working to me; knocking your confidence and throwing you off tilt, making you question yourself etc. Definitely a red flag. As Sherry Argov puts it:

"So, what’s the right attitude? “This is me, in all of my splendor … and it doesn’t get any better than this.” Don’t spend a fortune on a therapist. Just say it to yourself until you believe it. Eventually you will believe it, and so will he."

Don't listen to his shit OP. He'd never have dreamt of saying this if he was half the person you are.

What a knob , 3 months in red flag , move on. Text him and say "sorry just don't find you attractive enough for the long haul , take care". Save the pain this man will cause and walk away find someone worthy, this will only be for starters.

This is a game. Whatever the rules are, you're going to lose. Dump this twat, pronto.