My partner of three months says he loves and adores me but doesn't find me attractive all the time. Is this normal?

[Crazyhairlady76]

Hi! My partner of three months has said he loves me and wants to be with me but that he doesn't find me attractive all the time. I feel quite upset by this. Am I being too sensitive or is that normal so early on in a relationship?

No, that's very cheeky of him, you should be finding him less attractive for saying that. It's mean and unnecessary. Definitely end it. He's a plank. Find someone who thinks your hot, Don't waste 3 months and one day on him.

I agree with everyone. He is moving goal posts you are supposed to strive to meet his expectations.
Nope.
Just this one phrase...doesn't sound like much, but he definitely tipped his hand. You do not need a dissertation on why or what the exact dynamic is or what his next moved would be or the vocabulary to enunciate the psychological circumstance of his comment (such as "incongruous", perhaps).

Your gut instinct kicked in and that is all the indication you need to take notice that something is not right- and that is all the justification you need to take action to get away from this person and move on.

Jesus, what a dick.

Game-player, trying to erode your esteem. Bin him now.

I think it can be really honest to admit that you don't fancy your partner all the time. When mine farts loudly and then laughs to himself I'm not exactly thinking I want to jump his bones! BUT.. from what you've said it really doesn't seem like this is a long term relationship, comfortable-honesty type confession.. it seems (as others have said) like a hell of a mind game. Why/how did he tell you this? How even did this conversation come to pass? If he instigated it I'm sadly with those who say he's negging and personally i think 'negging' is just a trendy term for low level emotional abuse. Please take care. I know it can be hard after a split but remember you're entitled to care and respect from a partner, you don't have to put up with this.

Ew, trying to put you down and get you firmly trying to please him whilst he sits aloof in judgement. He's a twat. Please dump.

Game player, nasty little 'innocent' digs....I was once with a controlling, dangerous piece of work....he started off just Like you describe.

What does he mean by that? Sounds like he's trying to change you by starting the old 'you need to make more effort' routine, utter bollocks. I mean nobody looks great when they've just woken up or whatever, man or woman but tough! That's just how it is. I would move on, if he's starting that now it will only get worse. Tell him he doesn't look attractive when he's on the bog etc either.

So many red flags here OP.

I'd get rid.
Love after 3 months - ridiculous

Game playing twat!

Three months in someone is not a 'partner'. This is a boyfriend/someone you are seeing who is a tosser. Get rid. And from now on, don't get so invested in someone after so little time. Someone who says they love you after so little time is a red flag. YOu don't even know someone after dating them for 3 months.

Doesn't sound like he is getting ready to ditch you, and I am afraid the likely alternative is that he wants you to doubt your own ability of attracting a man and feel grateful that he is ready to take you on.

Especially given your update I think this is very likely. Block delete and walk away, you don't need this.

Please leave this man.

Dump the chump.

After three months?

Nope nope nopety nope.

Three months for normal people who are in love is still the "I can't believe how good you smell, I want to bunk off work and shag you all day" stage. It's not something any normal, kind, caring person would say at this stage.

Saddle up your NOPEtopus and ride away.

He's not a "partner" in any sense of the word.

Be grateful that he is telling you who he is early on, before you are too invested in him. Thank him and ask him to close the door on his way out. All the best , there is a lovely person out there for you.

Yep, nasty gameplaying - have you dumped him yet?

NOPEtopus

Brilliant.

FinallyHere

Sarah Now that made me laugh out load (in coffee shop, at work, sigh). Love it.

This is all a bit weird. Does he mean he doesn't feel attracted to you every second of the day (which is perfectly normal) or that he goes through phases of not being attracted to you at all (weird in a new relationship).

I think it's actually early to be talking about love anyway, three months in.

I wouldn't dismiss the relationship over one remark, I'd try to find out what was going on, it's so out of context, it's hard to say what was meant by it. I once asked my husband if there was a spark the first time he saw me, and he said no. He wasn't being mean, he thought I looked nice, but he didn't have a flash of 'oh my god, I have to marry this woman' on merely sighting me, that came on our second or third date when he got to know me better:)

If it's a remark designed to keep you on your toes, be harsh, but I can't see whether it is or not, or whether it's just honesty, I don't fancy people non-stop to be honest, and sometimes even very good looking people aren't that attractive, I don't find stating this quite the big deal it appears to be reading the posts.

He sounds very unkind. Get rid and find someone with a heart.

It was a discussion we had about where our relationship was going after he had discussed with his sister in law whether he should continue seeing me as he didn't find me as pretty as his ex partner and mother of his kids (they separated 3 yrs ago)I said I didn't want to see him again but he said I was being ridiculous and that he does find me attractive just sometimes he doesn't. He said he loves being with me and everything else about me out ways his worries!?!

It was a discussion we had about where our relationship was going after he had discussed with his sister in law whether he should continue seeing me as he didn't find me as pretty as his ex partner and mother of his kids (they separated 3 yrs ago)I said I didn't want to see him again but he said I was being ridiculous and that he does find me attractive just sometimes he doesn't. He said he loves being with me and everything else about me out ways his worries!?!

It was a discussion we had about where our relationship was going after he had discussed with his sister in law whether he should continue seeing me as he didn't find me as pretty as his ex partner and mother of his kids (they separated 3 yrs ago)I said I didn't want to see him again but he said I was being ridiculous and that he does find me attractive just sometimes he doesn't. He said he loves being with me and everything else about me out ways his worries!?!