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Original poster

My partner of three months says he loves and adores me but doesn't find me attractive all the time. Is this normal?

74 replies

Crazyhairlady76 · 02/10/2016 22:36

Hi! My partner of three months has said he loves me and wants to be with me but that he doesn't find me attractive all the time. I feel quite upset by this. Am I being too sensitive or is that normal so early on in a relationship?

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazyhairlady76 · 03/10/2016 14:55

It was a discussion we had about where our relationship was going after he had discussed with his sister in law whether he should continue seeing me as he didn't find me as pretty as his ex partner and mother of his kids (they separated 3 yrs ago)I said I didn't want to see him again but he said I was being ridiculous and that he does find me attractive just sometimes he doesn't. He said he loves being with me and everything else about me out ways his worries!?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazyhairlady76 · 03/10/2016 14:56

It was during a discussion we had about where our relationship was going after he had discussed with his sister in law whether he should continue seeing me as he didn't find me as pretty as his ex partner and mother of his kids (they separated 3 yrs ago) I said I didn't want to see him again as that was an awful thing to say to me, but he talked me around and said I was being ridiculous and that he does find me attractive just sometimes he doesn't. He said he loves being with me and everything else about me out ways his worries!?! I feel very paranoid all the time now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazyhairlady76 · 03/10/2016 14:56

It was during a discussion we had about where our relationship was going after he had discussed with his sister in law whether he should continue seeing me as he didn't find me as pretty as his ex partner and mother of his kids (they separated 3 yrs ago) I said I didn't want to see him again as that was an awful thing to say to me, but he talked me around and said I was being ridiculous and that he does find me attractive just sometimes he doesn't. He said he loves being with me and everything else about me out ways his worries!?! I feel very paranoid all the time now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazyhairlady76 · 03/10/2016 14:56

It was during a discussion we had about where our relationship was going after he had discussed with his sister in law whether he should continue seeing me as he didn't find me as pretty as his ex partner and mother of his kids (they separated 3 yrs ago) I said I didn't want to see him again as that was an awful thing to say to me, but he talked me around and said I was being ridiculous and that he does find me attractive just sometimes he doesn't. He said he loves being with me and everything else about me out ways his worries!?! I feel very paranoid all the time now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazyhairlady76 · 03/10/2016 14:59

It was during a discussion we had about where our relationship was going after he had discussed with his sister in law whether he should continue seeing me as he didn't find me as pretty as his ex partner and mother of his kids (they separated 3 yrs ago) I said I didn't want to see him again as that was an awful thing to say to me, but he talked me around and said I was being ridiculous and that he does find me attractive just sometimes he doesn't. He said he loves being with me and everything else about me out ways his worries!?! I feel very paranoid all the time now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazyhairlady76 · 03/10/2016 15:01

It was during a discussion we had about where our relationship was going after he had discussed with his sister in law whether he should continue seeing me as he didn't find me as pretty as his ex partner and mother of his kids (they separated 3 yrs ago) I said I didn't want to see him again as that was an awful thing to say to me, but he talked me around and said I was being ridiculous and that he does find me attractive just sometimes he doesn't. He said he loves being with me and everything else about me out ways his worries!?! I feel very paranoid all the time now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazyhairlady76 · 03/10/2016 15:18

It was during a discussion we had about where our relationship was going after he had discussed with his sister in law whether he should continue seeing me as he didn't find me as pretty as his ex partner and mother of his kids (they separated 3 yrs ago) I said I didn't want to see him again as that was an awful thing to say to me, but he talked me around and said I was being ridiculous and that he does find me attractive just sometimes he doesn't. He said he loves being with me and everything else about me out ways his worries!?! I feel very paranoid all the time now.

OP posts:
sarahnova69 · 03/10/2016 15:23

He told you that he'd discussed with someone else that he didn't find you as pretty as his ex?!

The very nicest, most charitable interpretation of what he has said is that he's not very attracted to you AND has terminal lack of filter between brain and mouth. Capping this off by telling your justifiably upset partner that they are "being ridiculous" to not like being told you're not as pretty as the ex is the shit cherry on the rancid cake.

Strip away everything else: you're three months in i.e. still in the honeymoon-besotted-blinded-to-faults stage and you already feel paranoid and unhappy. In a good relationship with legs, that doesn't happen. Please end it.

Original poster
Crazyhairlady76 · 03/10/2016 15:27

I definitely will I am worth so much more than feeling second best and unattractive. Thank you everyone for all of your advice I really appreciate it.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 03/10/2016 15:29

You deserve a thousand times better than this. He's got it all backwards.

A 'normal' relationship at three months you are still having to think up reasons for getting out of bed and picking tangles out of your hair as you arrive late for appointments. Then things can deepen and you can fall in love.

Not this; I love you and want to stay with you but I don't fancy you all the time Hmm

Useruser44 · 03/10/2016 16:16

Eerrgghhhh he sounds vile , comparing you like that to an ex. Best decision to go don't look back Flowers

Arfarfanarf · 03/10/2016 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShebaShimmyShake · 03/10/2016 16:18

What a wanker. Cut and run.

Classybird36 · 03/10/2016 16:20

Oooh the nasty bugger - I bet he's no oil painting all the time! At 3 months this is odd, and early enough for you to get out before any serious damage is done. Click, delete, move on :) xxx

hellsbellsmelons · 03/10/2016 16:25

So he's still hung up on his Ex and it's looks that matter to him.
Yeuk!
RUN FOR THE HILLS THEY ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

JustHereForThePooStories · 03/10/2016 16:28

Why are you referring to this man as your partner? At best, he's a boyfriend.

peppercold · 03/10/2016 17:04

What a shitty thing to say.

Onnapostit · 03/10/2016 17:15

He's negging you. Nasty shite.

Smoogi · 03/10/2016 17:54

Yes - I agree he's a negger.
He belongs in the bin.

LesisMiserable · 03/10/2016 18:53

He's either painfully honest with no filter, painfully insecure so trying to put you down or just plain unpleasant. What he definitely isn't is your partner. Or in love with you. Three months does not a 'partner' make.

TurnipCake · 03/10/2016 20:24

Why the frig does he need to discuss a relationship in its early days with his sister-in-law?

Hope you told him where to go

Only1scoop · 03/10/2016 23:53

Hope you have made his 'decision' for him the poor lamb Hmmwhat a piece of work he is

Improvisingnow · 04/10/2016 08:13

Bin him. He doesn't see you as a real person.

I married a man like that FGS (what WAS I thinking?). Took me more years than I care to think about to get out with my self-esteem in shreds. Save yourself the grief.

ParForTheCourses · 04/10/2016 11:25

At three months there shouldn't be these worries. Find someone better who has less concerns and is chuffed to be your dp.

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