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Original poster

Sudden and ruthless break-up

71 replies

Darknessandfear · 01/10/2016 21:48

DP came home an hour ago. He had been at the pub but isn't that drunk. He took my engagement ring off me and told me it's over. Just like that. That he doesn't love me anymore. That I'm selfish and unloveable and he cannot do it anymore. That he thinks I've cheated on him- I haven't for what it's worth. Completely out of the blue. He's sat like nothing's happened watching tv. My cries to talk it over fell on deaf ears.

I feel my heart has just been shattered. 6 years gone like that. Like it doesn't matter.

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 01/10/2016 21:50

Wow. Are you sure he's not drunk? How can he sit there and watch TV after that?

How have things been generally? Could there be someone else?

bumbleclat · 01/10/2016 21:51

I know it doesn't feel like it now but he has done you a massive favour. You are now free tower so done who worships the ground you walk upon and who would never treat you with such disrespect.
You will be in shock, you will grieve so much but in the end you will be grateful to be set free from someone who doesn't deserve you. I promise.

CousinCharlotte · 01/10/2016 21:55

How horrible, you must be in shock. Can you gather some stuff together and stay with family/friends tonight?

Original poster
Darknessandfear · 01/10/2016 21:58

He's not sober but he's not drunk- he's just become robotic and Cold. Things were fine before. Nothing spectacular and the occasional row over whose turn it was to do the washing up but nothing that would warrant this. I've said several times in the last year I feel the intimacy was less/gone and he's now convinced I'm cheating.

I cannot even begin to imagine the shit storm that would be sorting finances. Going to sleep on it. If I can sleep that is.

I can hear him pottering around downstairs like nothing's happened and it's like a knife in my stomach every time I hear him Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Darknessandfear · 01/10/2016 22:00

Nowhere else I can go tonight as my family live the opposite side of the country. I've literally got to stay in the house with someone I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

OP posts:
ReallyShouldKnowBetterAtMyAge · 01/10/2016 22:06

Can you afford a hotel room for the night, do you drive?

Get out and have space from it all if you can.

CostaBrava · 01/10/2016 22:08

Is he having an affair perhaps?

AndShesGone · 01/10/2016 22:17

Yep, sounds like he's projecting and has cheated on you.

My ex did the whole 'cold' thing too.

You're going to be so much happier without this arsehole FlowersFlowersFlowers

wtffgs · 01/10/2016 22:21

Sounds like he's the one having the affair! What an utter arsehole!!

Hot, sweet tea/coffee for the shock and avoid the booze. You'll need a clear head to sort out tenancy agreements and any shared finances.

I am so sorry for the pain you are in now. Please enlist some real life help. Hopefully, in time you will thank your lucky stars it happened before you were legally tied to the heartless bastard. BrewBrewBrew

Iflyaway · 01/10/2016 22:21

He's obviously an asshole and you are better off without him.

Sorry you are going through it. If you know you are not cheating the thing is he is and turning it onto you - it's called projection.

Mumsnet would say there is another woman who has turned his head. Probably true..

No man comes home and throws a bomb in there without a get-out clause. ^can't deal with family life. wan't my single status back. go out and have fun don't want to grow up. Blah blah etc.

I would suggest you become an independent women - now. Kick him to the curb as the Americans would say. Your future self will thank you.

These men are utterly boring. Please don't waste your life and those of your kids on him! Pick yourself off, dust yourself down and get on with your own life with your kids! They will get over it and make you proud!

As a LP of 25 years I say, if I did it, so can you! You go girl! Grin

Oh, and that "rest of your life you will live happily ever after" is just a fairy tale....
You could live to a hundred now.. :-) Make the best life you can for you and yours!

Wishing you all the best!

RaeSkywalker · 01/10/2016 22:26

This happened to my friend. It was awful, I'm so sorry OP.

I think that one of you needs to leave tonight if possible. I'd be asking him to. Is the house owned or rented? I think I'd be reluctant to leave a house I owned in your situation, but if you can't get rid of him, then finding a hotel might be an answer for you tonight Flowers

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 01/10/2016 22:34

I would certainly suspect he's projecting and is in fact the one having an affair. which may explin why you've felt the intimacy was going from the relationship. It wasn't you, it's him but he doesn't want to appear the bad guy

Given the suddenness, I would also wonder if there's a chance something is about to become public, or if the OW has given an ultimatum.

Ohdearducks · 01/10/2016 22:39

How awful of him! Really search your memory/feelings and be totally honest with yourself; are you sure your relationship is what you think it is? It sounds like the behaviour of someone abusive and controlling to be honest not someone who loves and cares for you. Is he usually so different in his personality after a drinking? If he wants to end it he needs to leave not you though. Sorry for your awful situation OPFlowers

Original poster
Darknessandfear · 01/10/2016 22:41

You ladies are so sweet. I'm too scared/shocked to tell anyone in real life yet. I don't think the words will leave my mouth. I just need someone to talk to I guess.

He's just came into the room and told me exactly who he thinks I've cheated with and given me an explanation 'what's wrong with me'.... I just feel angry and numb now. The sweet and caring man who left the house 10 hours ago is some giant arsehole.

I'm going to call my friend in the morning, I haven't the strength too now.

I don't think he's cheated on me, I know most women say that but I cannot imagine how he would for many reasons- money, time etc. He's been really open with his phone etc. Not shifty etc. Until this. I could be blind to it I guess

OP posts:
Original poster
Darknessandfear · 01/10/2016 22:48

He's a few beers on a Saturday and falls asleep with a kebab kind of guy. He's never been anything like this.

My minds going overdrive now though given all you have said. Objective minds can see what others can't. If he has cheated on me and this is how he's fessed up that'd make it even more obvious I never knew who he truly was.

OP posts:
Mummydummy · 01/10/2016 22:54

It sounds so awful for you OP. Shitting fucking awful. I'm so sorry. Is it possible someone has been feeding him stories or do you think he's fragile and insecure (is there a history of this?) and he's got it into his head and believes your infidelity? If that's what's going on, he could have been harbouring and feeding fears and worries for a while and this has exploded into this thing tonight. He thinks he's protecting himself from you with his coldness. Try, I know how hard this is, to think yourself into his shoes. Is there any reason for him to feel this way, is there any reassurance you can give him. This might not be tomorrow or the next day. But I've read enough MN threads from women who fear infidelity to know that suspicions get fuelled into a frenzy. Stand back and get space to think it through clearly. Is he being unfaithful? Has he grounds to suspect you? Is there anyway to re-build a bridge between you two. Do you really love him? Does he really love you?

For now. Find space and time to be safe... And think it through. So, so sorry for you. Big hugs.

Ohdearducks · 01/10/2016 22:56

Has he explained why he's suddenly so convinced you've cheated with this person? When is it supposed to have taken place and where? It's just so bizzare that he's gone out normal and come back spewing all this nonsense, is there anyone gunning to drive a wedge between you who may have got in his ear tonight?

Snowflakes1122 · 01/10/2016 22:57

He is trying to keep you in your toes. Playing some mind fuck game. How horrible.
He doesn't sound very stable or nice. So sorry Flowers

BlueFolly · 01/10/2016 23:13

Is his version of why you've cheated plausible? Can you see why he might think that, or is it ludicrous?

JonWeaver · 01/10/2016 23:20

Dou you think hes using "your cheating" as a cover story to break up, or do you think he really believes it?

idontlikealdi · 01/10/2016 23:23

Is he having an affair?

Justaboy · 01/10/2016 23:24

I'd reckon he's using this cheating notion as a cover/distraction for something else.

I have a gut feeling that something else is going the come out of this.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 01/10/2016 23:28

Is someone stirring that they think you have cheated.

Seems a bit strange if he has named the person.

Lilacpink40 · 01/10/2016 23:42

My ex would never have had time / inclination / guts / coldness to have an affair...until he did and hid it for 6 months.

Don't listen to the things he says about you, get him into a conversation about what he wants and needs and you're more likely to see and hear snippets of the truth.

I was strung along in a bad relationship for years, I feel better out of it. It's awful when the person who should give you emotional support gives you emotional devastation. Take time to grieve the relationship ending and seek support in RL and on here Flowers

tipsytrifle · 02/10/2016 00:37

I'd suggest that after 6 yrs such a destructive and ruthless ending of your engagement warrants an end in and of itself. If he's been "out" for 10 hours perhaps he's "drunk himself sober". Not sure what this means but I think it means that while a breathalyser would be hugely failed appearance can be deceptive. Whatever, I'd be sorting out somewhere to go asap. Not waiting around to talk; that can happen later if you really want it to. Your absence - or his (depending on housing situation/options) would be paramount in my mind. Does that grab you as how you feel right now? That whatever happens next, some distance right now, asap, is required? Someone has to leave. In my opinion.

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