Exdp is not going to pick DD up from school - WWYD?

[ListenToYourHeart]

Apologies in advance if this is long, but I'm really at a loss of what to do.

Will try get all the facts out there as to not drip feed etc.

Exdp and I have DD who is 6, we broke up when she was 3 due to him repeadetedly cheating, he was controlling, manipulating, emotionally and physically abusive. We had a very messy break up with police, solicitors and courts involved.

Eventually after a long battle he agreed to seeing DD 2 days a week, picking her up from school at 3:00pm and dropping her to my work at 6:00pm. The manipulating never stopped, and only got worse when he found out I was in a serious relationship, he has constantly tried to guilt trip me into getting back with him, he has put all the blame on me, won't accept he was physically abusive on more than one occasion and that I had the right to leave due to that alone.

Thanks to Mumsnet, friends, family and my wonderful DP, I have managed to realise I can ignore the maniupulating and emotionally abusive texts now but god it has been hard, and there is still probably around once a month when I crack and he gets to me.

Fast forward to now, I have a great relationship with current dp and currently 26 weeks pregnant.

Since exdp found out I was pregnant the nastiness has been ramped up, he then said last week that due to my actions (falling pregnant) I will have to suffer the consequences of him not seeing DD anymore, he told DD last Thursday that he will not be seeing her anymore once the baby is born because of Mummy. I explained to DD that it is not my fault, I wanted him to continue seeing her and have done nothing to stop that happening, and would never do anything to stop him picking her up from school on his 2 days. I don't think she fully understands that he plans to stop seeing her whenver he finds out the baby is born.

So anyway today is his usual day to pick her up, I work full time and the arrangement the past year and half has been he picks her up Tuesday and Thursday, and my mum picks her up Monday, Wednesday and Friday. There has been many days when he has texted last minute or the day before to say he can't have her, on these occasions my mum has stepped in and picked her up or I have had to leave work last minute, which is now starting to cost me my job as there has just been one too many times I've had to leave and apologise last minute, walk out on meetings/clients etc.

Over the weekend I had a chain of messages from him, all pointing out how I was ruining his life by having another baby, I had ruined our daughters life by leaving and not giving her a complete family. I ignored all these texts as I'm already stressed out and had been advised by my midwife to start taking it easy.

Now to yesterday, I recieve a text saying can my mum pick DD up on Tuesday as he can't do it now, I said I would ask. Asked my mum and she said she can't due to a appointment at 2:45pm, I said understood. I let exdp know straight away and said that if he called around child minders he may be able to find someone but it's very last minute and all the ones I know have no vacancies.

He replied and said he would sort it, but may be 45 minutes late to the school, I said I think it would be best he calls the school as I don't think they can just wait, he said not to worry he will sort it.

Then at 3:00am I recieve a text... About 6 pages long but basically saying how he can't live without me anymore and if I am choosing to live my life with someone else and start a new family then its best he says goodbye to me and DD now.

I replied when I woke up and said seriously just pick DD up at 3:00pm and stop messing around as there is no one else to get her at short notice, and that if he ain't there to pick her up then the school will be phoning him as they know Tuesday's is his day.

He has chose not to reply.

What do I do? I have asked everyone I can but no one can get there at short notice, if I leave work I will be leaving them in the shit as I work for a small company, the only other memeber of staff is off on holiday. I'm so worried if I have to leave early today I will lose my job which is depended on to help pay the bills.

But what else can I do? I'm not sure if I should leave work at 2:00pm so that I am at the school causing less distress for DD if he don't turn up, or if I should wait it out and see if the school call me to say no one has turned up for DD, but then I will have to leave work anyway and will take me around 45mins-1hour to get to the school.

I'm actually sat in work on the verge of tears which is probably hormonal but I just can't believe he would do this to DD.

Any advice at all would be appreciated, whether it be with the current situation with the school or with what I should tell DD about him stopping seeing her.

Thanks Starlight for sharing your experience.

I think he would do the same in terms of not following through with court, as before it was him who threatened court before, but it was me who ended up talking to women's aid I think or it may have been another DV association, I just remember the police putting me in contact with them, they assisted with finding a good solicitor who I went to court with to get the prohibited steps order.

There was then a second meeting arranged with a solicitor to discuss contact but he never attended, a few months later he contacted me out of the blue to say he wanted to see DD, we started with supervised contact, and then it went to him picking her up 1 day a week from school and then went to 2 days.

I think what's changed though is the last 6 months to a year I've built myself up and don't engage as much, and thanks to family/friends/DP my confidence has improved and I can finally say I feel happy with my life, and I don't think the ex likes that, he preferred it when he could reduce me to nothing on a daily basis.

I've suggested that to him previous Hippy, because my mum would happily help arrange any contact arrangements etc as she facilitates with him in the holidays where he picks DD up from her instead of school.

But he won't agree to text her directly if anything needs to change etc, like Tuesday he could have texted my mum directly to ask if he could swap days, instead he texts me about it but adds in all the abuse.

Great that your mum is so supportive.

I suggest you get a cheap payg phone for communication with him only. When you change your number, just give him the payg as your new number. Get your mum to keep the actual phone and check it periodically. She can reply on your behalf regarding contact arrangements if needed.

Besides shielding you from his nonsense/abuse, it would have the added bonus of keeping him out of your headspace, as he would not pop up on the phone you use day to day.

Hippy that's actually a good idea, I hadn't thought of that! Thank you!

My mum would be able to just reply politely about contact and he would be none the wiser it wasn't me.

I think not seeing him pop up on my phone on a regular basis would be a massive help too.

Good luck Listen

The guy is playing you.
He will keep seeing his DD after the new baby, , He is still playing his power game.
Detach, but also tell him as he isn't reliable you have made other arrangement for tues & thurs. Should he wish to see her he can get a solicitor to organise w/e days/times & you do not need to talk to him until that is in place.If he continues to fuck you about fails to complete the agreed days on the w/e, then he will ultimately forfeit the right to child access. His choice.
Your life is yours to Iive & it will be without him.
Stop replying to all his text bullshit. he only needs to correspond if in emergency or child related.