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Relationships

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Original poster

We are on holiday in the Caribbean

129 replies

Namechangerooni · 27/09/2016 04:12

Lovely 5 star hotel. We are in our early 30s, been together for 3 years, haven't had sex for almost 12 months. Been here 8 days, still no sex. I've tried to initiate it but got absolutely nothing back, it's humiliating. Anyway, tonight we went for dinner, on the way out and on the way to another bar (we are in a resort) I suggest we stop in another bar on the way. Dp then states that I'm "erratic" for wanting to go to other bar on the way. He then accuses me (it definitely felt like an accusation) of only wanting to stop in the second bar because I want to smoke. I am a social smoker so yeh a cigarette would be good, but not sure why it's such an aggressive accusation (he doesn't generally mind me smoking, which I do so very rarely). Not sure why I'm posting, but just feel like I'm constantly accused of being "erratic" or "neurotic" for wanting to do a perfectly natural thing such as stop for a drink sometime?

I can't remember the last time he told me i look nice, or kissed me. Or hugged me:

OP posts:

gratesnakes · 28/09/2016 01:12

Yes. Try and treat yourself to a few nice days if you're not too blue:
Spa / diving / fishing trip / windsurfing / or just soaking up the sun.
Don't worry about the other guests. They've all got their own problems no doubt.

ample · 28/09/2016 01:38

Social smoking or your so-called erratic behaviour is not the reason you haven't had sex for 12 months.
Good for you making a decision about your relationship (it's a step further than what your partner has done).
Enjoy the rest of your holiday, and make a few more plans for your future...the possibilities are endless!

UnsuccessfullyAdulting · 28/09/2016 18:10

I had a holiday exactly like this several years ago. It was my honeymoon.

Divorced now!!

ohfourfoxache · 28/09/2016 19:08

Please try to enjoy it as much as you possibly can- read, lounge on the beach, do what YOU want to do. It's a good opportunity for some head space in a beautiful place where you can centre yourself and getting back to a new and wonderful normality.

Oh, and as far as other people are concerned- fuck them!

ohfourfoxache · 28/09/2016 19:09

"Yourself before getting back"

Proofreading is not my forte!

namechangarooni · 28/09/2016 20:29

Hey all
Thanks again for all responses. Still haven't spoken, I got up and went for breakfast alone but bumped into him when I was on the way to the pool, he was going for breakfast.

I've spent today on my own, been by the pool for 6 hours. There were a couple in the pool before and they were hugging and talking and he kept kissing her face as she was telling him some story. It made me feel so sad. Why can't he just be like that?

namechangarooni · 28/09/2016 20:31

On the upside...

Excuse the nobbly knees

Shayelle · 28/09/2016 20:46

Youre doing well op as it must feel so hard. We're all here and you can chat to us anytime.. Youre not on youre own

seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom · 28/09/2016 21:14

Oh bless you. How shit. But well done for being brave and saying something. I presume you are sharing a room still?

I hope you're able to enjoy your holiday a bit, even though I understand it must be crap.

Do you have anyone IRL you can talk to on the phone?

Justaboy · 28/09/2016 22:06

"he kept kissing her face as she was telling him some story. It made me feel so sad. Why can't he just be like that"?

That's so very sad to read of the way your thinking. It seems to me and i expect most everyone else that you should dump this one and seek someone new and your in your early 30's plenty of opportunities to find a man who's really interested in You!

pennygoodlife · 28/09/2016 22:59

If it helps I didn't meet my DH until
I was 34 - now married with 2 kids. Better wait for the right man than settle and end up in divorce courts. Why not try and organise a couple
Of nights out for when you get back whilst your building up your tan?

calistaraines · 29/09/2016 23:38

Any update Op? How are you doing?

GingerbreadLatteToGo · 30/09/2016 01:34

Oh that looks beautiful! Please try to make the most of it, you'll be glad you did when you get back here, it's cool & grey.

It might take a while to genuinely feel it, but you will be so much better off out of this relationship. Truly.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 30/09/2016 13:50

I've been thinking about your thread. I hope you are away from the hurricane. What book are you reading?

Is he trying to talk to you? Or is he tagging along behind you like a puppy that doesn't want to be alone? (Although a puppy would want to be with you and kiss your face .)

namechangarooni · 30/09/2016 19:20

Hello all

We have had some thunderstorms but no hurricane.

The update is that it seems he did want me to break up with him, which is why he's been acting like a grade A turd. He's been so distant, wouldn't look at me, hug me, kiss me. He clearly thinks I'm repulsive. After I said I think we should split we haven't really spoken. This morning I tried to talk to him and his response was "I think the best course of action is for us to separate" and then "I refuse to talk to you about this any longer, I've worked hard for this holiday and won't have it spoiled". Cunt.

I started crying on the bed (I know, i hate myself) and he just went into the bathroom. He came out later and kind of patted me.

I know he's cold. I've posted under a different username about his unusual behaviour but Christ, it hurts. I'm just trying to get through the next few days. I haven't told anyone IRL as its just so humiliating.

Thanks for all your support.

MatildaTheCat · 30/09/2016 19:29

What a crap situation. I'm sure that in RL people you know won't be a surprised as you think that you are splitting up. His coldness won't have escaped their notice.

This is tough but please try to relax and enjoy your last few days of sun. Try to think positive thoughts about your future in a world where there are nice men who will treat you well.

pennygoodlife · 30/09/2016 20:21

It's for the best it really is. Get your tan topped up, take a book to dinner if you need to. But start putting it behind you... It is what it is. He's a twat, probably always will be. You'll hate yourself more if you don't get rid of him now.

TutanKaDashian · 30/09/2016 20:25

Why are you with this man? He sounds like a right idiot.

Eeyore86 · 30/09/2016 21:14

Are you at an Iberostar hotel op?

I went on holiday by myself to the Caribbean a couple of years ago and loved it, different situation to yours I know but I threw myself into the activities (I'm not a huge people person either)and my kindle was my best friend especially at meal times.

Most people won't even notice your eating alone or spending time alone so honestly don't worry about that, DP and I were in the Caribbean this summer and spent time/meals alone too.

I think you've made the right decision to end things, you deserve a relationship where your wanted

namechangarooni · 30/09/2016 21:46

Eeyore - I am at an iberostar. Can you see that from the photo? Or are you a RL friend and have I outed myself?

Eeyore86 · 30/09/2016 22:05

I could tell From the photo! I don't knew you in RL don't worry I've just been to a lot of iberostars!

The entertainment staff at Iberostar are generally fantastic and made a huge difference to my holidays if you haven't already join in and see how it goes, I'm not a people person as I said but I've managed to make friends, and stay in touch, with a lot of the staff

Might make a big difference to your holiday?

Longdistance · 30/09/2016 22:11

Enjoy your holiday op.

Ad when you travel back, make sure you're miles from him onboard the aircraft and had a few cheeky 🍷 for that lucky escape x

SandyY2K · 30/09/2016 22:34

I'd just make the best of it and try and have friendly chat with people out there.

Typical conflict avoidance. Rather than come clean he acts like an idiot, so you end it.

pennygoodlife · 30/09/2016 22:45

Yes it's probably time for you to do on line check in - make sure you're miles apart!

Justaboy · 30/09/2016 23:58

Namechangerooni! well I'd see that as a good result. At least you know where you stand now so that's got rid of that pratt and now the hunt is on for a decent man:)

OK might take a while but really could you have imagined what being with him the next umpteen years would have been like with him?.

Really??

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