We are on holiday in the Caribbean

[Namechangerooni]

Lovely 5 star hotel. We are in our early 30s, been together for 3 years, haven't had sex for almost 12 months. Been here 8 days, still no sex. I've tried to initiate it but got absolutely nothing back, it's humiliating. Anyway, tonight we went for dinner, on the way out and on the way to another bar (we are in a resort) I suggest we stop in another bar on the way. Dp then states that I'm "erratic" for wanting to go to other bar on the way. He then accuses me (it definitely felt like an accusation) of only wanting to stop in the second bar because I want to smoke. I am a social smoker so yeh a cigarette would be good, but not sure why it's such an aggressive accusation (he doesn't generally mind me smoking, which I do so very rarely). Not sure why I'm posting, but just feel like I'm constantly accused of being "erratic" or "neurotic" for wanting to do a perfectly natural thing such as stop for a drink sometime?

I can't remember the last time he told me i look nice, or kissed me. Or hugged me:

No sex for 12 months, angry at you for the flimsiest (no) reason.
My money's on him shagging someone else. I'm really sorry.

At your ages on a holiday in the Caribbean you should be unable to keep your hands off each other. Cut your losses now.

So the more attractive you became, the more he withdrew? This is far from unusual, go to any weight watcher meeting, some men love their partners to look good, some really don't and will sabotage their diet whenever possible. It's an insecurity thing.

Just carry on with the holiday by the pool/beach. Go to breakfast/lunch/dinner without him. Smoke when you like.
Maybe make some friends, and ditch misery guts 🌞

loved to know where you are

it sounds like he's trying to pick fights, sorry.

I would enjoy the location as much as possible and deal with this when you get home - which probably means you have to split up, sorry.

Can you hang alone or find some people who want company?

Is this your first holiday together?

I believe there may be someone at work, yes. There's no "evidence" I just have a feeling. I confronted him this morning and he denied it, but not that vehemently. I also told him this morning that I think we should end our relationship, that he doesn't make me feel good about myself and that we should spend the remaining time here civil but apart. I ate breakfast alone then came to the beach (I'm here now and it's glorious) he turned up about an hour ago and is on the lounger next to me, but we aren't talking really.

I'm gutted because I feel worried I won't meet someone quickly enough to still have children etc.

I can't really imagine meeting someone and liking them. I don't actually really like people in general.

No, we've had many holidays together. 10 or more.

I don't think he's trying to sabotage my fitness/lifestyle, he really, really encourages it.

Massive alarm bells op. Unless there is a reason for no sex?

Well if you want children you're not going to have them with a man who won't have sex. If you leave now you do have a chance of happiness.

You are in your early 30s. You can still have kids if you want to. Leave him now before he wastes any more of your time. Good luck.

How did he react when you told him you thought your relationship was over?

Good for you for having the conversation. I know it feels shit now but the relationship is so obviously dead, it really needed to end. Life is waaaay to short to be with someone who doesn't make you feel good.

I'm gutted because I feel worried I won't meet someone quickly enough to still have children etc

You really will. This is not the right man to do that with.

you're only early 30s!

did you want him to appear on the lounger next to you btw? Doesn't sound very "apart".

btw it's a bizarre combo of dark, cloudy and disgustingly humid in London, somehow manages to be quite chilly too. Revolting.

No, I didn't want him to appear, he prefers the pool so I assumed he'd jump at the chance of being apart from me and being at the pool. Confused.

Lorelei boo to that! Is summer gone then? It was hanging on by the tips of its fingers when I left for sunny climes!

Fucking hell

Re read your posts. The posts are not written by you, they are written by your best and closest friend in the world. What do you want to say to her?

If you love someone you would spend a week in a tent in the rain snuggled together for a holiday

End this relationship now it is dead

You will meet someone else, you are only 30

Ambrox he didn't really react. He said he can't deal with my erratic behaviour and yes there's obviously something wrong with us.

Then I slipped on some water in the bathroom and did my bum some damage on the tiles, so the conversation kind of ended. Oh, so dignified! Writhing around in pain topless

Find someone else to go to the bar with and have fun!

oh sorry OP I thought that would make you feel better - you're there in the sun!! I think there is better weather forecast for next week, yes.

I think the fact he's appeared at the pool suggests he hasn't taken you seriously, sorry. You may need to re-emphasise being "apart" if you need the peace and quiet and headspace.

I have to log off now but I hope your day is okay.

Oh it did make me feel better lorelei!! Thanks for your replies

How much longer are you there for?